How To Dazzle Your Date

You may think it’s about the right dress and shoes but that’s not how you dazzle your date. The most enticing thing you can do when you're getting to know someone new is listening.

Most people are nervous and preoccupied with other thoughts; what's going on in the room; is my hair alright, do I have spinach in my teeth, how bald is he going to get and usually, planning what we're going to say next.

It's important to remember that he is probably as nervous as you are. If you focus on making him feel comfortable and at-ease, you will relax. The simplest way to do this is to remember that he’s looking for love, just as you are. Open your heart to his, imagine energy emanating from yours to his and you’ll relax… a lot.

Most people are uncomfortable around someone who is obviously nervous or insecure so the more confident you are, the more comfortable he will be and the more enticing you’ll be.

We’re all the same; when someone listens to us with full attention, we feel special. We feel like they're interested in us, that we matter. For most people, this seldom happens so if you’re a good listener, he might not realize that’s what’s special about you but he’ll feel lit. Being listened to is so important, it can actually create an attraction that might not have been there without it.

The most effective way to capture a man's interest – as well as learn about him – is to listen actively. That means ask him questions about himself, and then ask questions about what he just said, which tells him you’re actually interested. This is very intoxicating to a man.

It's important not to fake interest. Maybe he’s great looking or rich but if he’s boring, he’s boring. If he’s not interesting then you’re doing him, and yourself, a disservice. Not everyone is interesting to everyone else no matter how you might try or wish it to be otherwise. Women are often guilty of pretending they're in awe of what a man is saying. In the beginning of a relationship, if you pretend to be hanging on every word, he’ll soon realize it and that's not fair to him, and would be insulting, if he knew.

Part of mutual attraction and compatibility is how much each person talks. If both people need to talk 60% of the time, there's obviously going to be a problem. On the other hand, if both people only talk 25% of the time, the silences will be overwhelming.

The people, with whom we feel that magical pull, balance us on the talking scale. An example of compatibility might be where one talks 40% of the time, the other talks 50% and there's a nice comfortable 10% available for silence.

I would not be surprised if a lot of people have quit seeing each other because the talking scale was off, never realizing what went wrong.

A big part of successful dating is dating smart. Becoming aware of the subtle nuances of how we interact will help you better determine if the man sitting across from you is someone you really want to spend time with. If he is, then being a great listener will help him see you as someone he wants to get to know better.