Staying with a control freak is not pleasant and easy... because people afflicted with this tendency want everything to be done their way, and they are highly obsessed with the need to constantly keep directing people and the outcomes in their life. It is an annoying personality trait and a difficult one for people around to cope with.

But rather than drowning yourself into feelings of depression and suffocation, why not gather the right understanding to come out of this situation without disrupting any surrounding!

All this is nothing but your own account from previous life. Whatever happens in our life is because of our past deeds (karmas) coming into effect today. The people (including your wife) we meet in our life are mere instruments through whom the fruits of our karmas get delivered to us.

Our immediate priority today should be to liberate our self from these pain-giving karmas.
We have brought with us the karmic accounts for the entire life. Each time your wife torments you; you are actually becoming free from that karma, provided you accept with a clean heart the fact that ‘it is my karma that has brought me to her, it is not her fault.’

We want to clear our karmas with equanimity, so that they come to an end. Say you call it quits with your wife today, you will still have to undergo the suffering that you’ve brought in your karmic account, some way or the other. The more you try to run away from karma, the more it will harass you. People and situations may change, but we will have to bear the result of all our past deeds.

How do we clear our karmas?
The Enlightened Ones have given us the most powerful tool of ‘Pratikraman’ to destroy the very root, from which the vast tree of hatred and abhorrence grows. Millions of people have achieved liberation with this tool, which comprises of:
•alochana (confession of one’s mistakes),
•pratikraman (asking for forgiveness), and
•pratyakhyan (firm resolve and determination never to repeat the mistake).

By doing Pratikraman, your problem will start getting solved because as you keep washing your mistakes with true repentance, the internal knots which are not allowing a smooth relationship today will dissolve, and the karmic accounts will start to normalise.

What are our mistakes and what are these internal knots made of?
Any hurt caused to a living being by way of our thoughts, words or action is our mistake.Check, have you caused your wife any hurt during your life events-

•by getting angry or irritated,
•by harbouring negative opinions that she is like this or that,
•by clashing over money,
•by blaming when any work got spoilt,
•by harnessing emotions of abhorrence towards her,
•out of mere frustration and suffocation,
•for saving your ego and your false pride, or
•for any other reason?
The internal knots are in the form of anger, pride, deceit, greed, attachment, abhorrence, ego, negative intellect, etc. When they are not present in our interactions, our relationships will flourish.

“My wife has these mistakes more than me.”
Very likely so. However, Gnani, the Enlightened One, says: “Whoever does not want suffering, should see his mistakes and come out of them. If your wife wants to come out of suffering, she will have to see her mistakes, and if you want to come out of your suffering, you will have to see yours.”

We all suffer in this world only and only on account of our mistakes, someone else’s karmas cannot affect us adversely – such precise and exact is the law of Nature!

Make a firm determination today that “I want to do Pratikraman for all my mistakes.” After every clash, do pratikraman for the negativity that arises within you, for seeing faults of your wife, and for hurting her through your thoughts, speech or action by saying, “Oh Pure Soul (God) residing within my wife, I bow to you and I ask for forgiveness for all my faults and the way I behaved with my wife and caused her hurt. Please forgive me and give me strength not to repeat such mistakes again. Give me strength to deal with my wife with equanimity.”

One of the most important keys in resolving conflict is Self-Realization!A control freak wife can crush your self-esteem to ground. But, no matter how awful the person may try to make you feel, once you realize that really ‘I am a Pure Soul’, you will never feel depressed. You can attain Self-Realization with the divine grace of Gnani. You receive from Him the pure vision that will enable you to see the real Self of yours and your wife’s - which is the Pure Soul (the God).

Seeing the world as faultless.Your wife in this birth has brought with her, from her past birth, this karma of being a control freak. She really cannot help it, even if she wishes to, now. However, if internally she remains aware about how this trait of hers is hurting and harassing people and she feels sorry for it, it will help her. Until this awareness doesn’t come, one blindly keeps binding demerit karmas, the fruits of which one will have to bear in the form of enormous suffering in next life. This would be really unfortunate for her!

Being her life-partner, what you can do for her...
Bring her to Gnani, the Enlightened One!! His divine aura has the power to make one realize his or her mistakes and His guidance helps us even come out of those mistakes. So, somehow get her interested in Gnani’s satsang! In His company, she herself will identify her trait of being a control freak and will also persevere whole-heartedly to come out of this weakness of hers. She will become more and more aware that she does not hurt anyone owing to her personality trait that of a control freak. You obviously will be the first beneficiary of this awareness!

So come, let’s pray that one day, you happen to meet Gnani and with His grace attain the flawless vision!!! Hope that day comes very soon in your life. Good luck..
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Author's Bio: 

Ambalal M. Patel was a civil contractor by profession. In June 1958, spontaneous Self-Realization occurred within Ambalal M. Patel. From this point on, Ambalal became a Gnani Purush, and the Lord that manifest within him became known as Dada Bhagwan. A Gnani Purush is One who has realized the Self and is able help others do the same. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan used to go from town to town and country-to-country to give satsang (spiritual discourse) and impart the knowledge of the Self, as well as knowledge of harmonious worldly interactions to everyone who came to meet him. This spiritual science, known as Akram Vignan, is the step-less path to Self-realization.