How To Fix A Troubled Marriage: Challenges In Marriage And How To Overcome Them

How To Fix A Troubled Marriage: Challenges In Marriage And How To Overcome Them

If your marriage is on the brink of divorce, you will probably find that everyone has advice for you on how to save your marriage. Most of them mean well but for the most part, they have no idea what they are talking about. Here are five tips that cab save your marriage:

Write It Out

People often underestimate the power of the written word. Writing makes your words permanent. Making a list of your grievances gives your spouse something concrete that they can refer to again and again. Be careful, however, the things that you write down can hang around for a very long time. Make sure that you take the time to write exactly what you mean. Do it when you are calm and can really think through what you want to say without excess emotion. Plus, you may find that writing about what makes you angry gives you a chance to blow off a bit of steam. This means you can be calmer when it comes to actually discussing the issues you have written down.

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Speak Softly

Often times when people are arguing, the things that need to be said get lost in the shouting match that ensues. If you lower your voice and speak softly, no matter how angry your spouse is, they will be forced to stop screaming so they can hear what you are saying. Once both of you are talking in at a normal voice, you have a better chance of being able to discuss the issue at hand.

Remember The Love

If every time you and your spouse are in the same room and an argument ensue, you may really start to wonder why the two of you ever got together. Take the time to remember what made the two of you fall in love in the first place. Try to make a point of telling your spouse one of the things that you love about them every day and encourage them to do the same. After a short while, you may find that the fighting has given way to remembrances of love.

Really Listen

Sometimes when you are in the middle of an argument, you only hear what you think your partner is saying. This leads to more arguments and misunderstandings. Take a deep breath and really listen to what they are saying. You may be surprised to find that your preconceived notions were wrong. You may also find out that your spouse hasn't really been listening to you either. The two of you may discover that you really are on the same side.

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Susan had always been agentic, had known from her visit to Cornell that she wanted to and would go there, had known from her initial interview with Price Waterhouse Coopers that she wanted to and would work there--and had known very shortly after meeting Chris that she wanted to and would marry him. Susan, it seemed to me, didn't believe in vulnerability--even in therapy, it seemed at times--and didn't believe in not getting what she wanted.

So she put on the full-court press, and within 6 months after her meeting Chris, the parents had been met, a diamond was on her finger, and a wedding date was set. I wanted to talk in therapy about her emotions regarding commitment, about second-guessing, but Susan wore a hard shell, and I often wondered what brought her in to me, since she showed no signs of weakness.

"Oh, just anxieties about all I have to do--and you teach me such good coping techniques," was how she explained her presence in my office, and while I felt we had made progress there, I also felt I had barely scratched the surface of who Susan was as a person.

As the wedding date approached, Susan seemed uncharacteristically nervous. I tried several ways to access her feelings, but was blocked at every angle.

The wedding was a roaring success, as Susan had tremendous planning skills, and she said the honeymoon was a joy, and she was planning children for the next event when she came into my office uncharacteristically shaken.

"My husband says he hardly knows me," she told me. "He says he wants to talk more intimately, to spend time opening up to each other. Maybe even in session if we don't succeed any other way." And the polished Susan burst out in tears.

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I've found that sometimes, the best way to the heart of an issue is silence on my part, and that did elicit what should have come so long before. Susan had been date-raped at Cornell, and had conceived. She had never thought for a moment that she should keep the child, and she was able to arrange for an abortion--and for recovery--so quickly that she lost no time in school. She had never spoken about it to anyone.

"But you did to Chris, certainly," I half-asked, half-stated.

She looked appalled. "Never," she vowed to me, in nearly a whisper. "Never, Candida, and I mean it."

Lest you think Susan stands alone, I've had several cases that struck me as similar enough. One man had been quite obese and had had gastric bypass surgery. Now with a handsome figure, he never planned to tell his fiance about his past struggles with weight. I felt that one woman and I had made strong progress with her issue surrounding her past, with its sexual molestation. It was an issue she never planned to share. And to top it off, I had one client who had been married before, briefly, it's true. However, he never planned to mention it to his wife-to-be, and acted somewhat outraged when I suggested it was both her business and part of an open, honest relationship.

But hear this: I firmly believe that if you carry a secret--a major one--that you're not willing to share with your spouse-to-be, this is what you're saying: "If 'X' really knew who I was, s/he would never marry me." You're saying with your actions that your partner wouldn't value you if they knew the truth about you.

And I think we can all see, pretty clearly, that entering into a contract in which you only feel accepted if you lie about your true self is a step that can yield serious problems down the road, including, of course, the threat that you can be found out.

So if you ever want to leave this marriage, and are debating whether you should go or stay, you're going to have to think long and hard about how you will make things different in another relationship, or if you're even capable of that.

You can look at any number of articles on keeping secrets to help you consider some of the problems created by hiding things from those you love, especially at the start of a new relationship--or, alternatively, you can just think about it for a little bit.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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We shouldn't get married and then expect the relationship to be a grand fairytale, and without problems. Marriage almost always needs fixing, or should I say, it is the people in the marriage that need fixing. Even Christian marriages have their struggles, and today divorce is as prevalent among Christian's as non-Christians. So what's the problem?

In most instances, when couples marry young, marriage can be a big part of growing up, if they can stick it out and learn from their mistakes. Marriage happens to be a process of learning how to deal with certain issues and troubles that might occur during the relationship. Enduring the troubled times as well as the good is what helps couples to be more understanding of each other and hopefully wiser in the Lord.

Marriage has its ups and downs and there are different ways of dealing with those ups and downs. Divorce is certainly not the answer and never will be. Even if you divorce and marry someone else, you still have the personal struggles that affect you and your personality. What got fixed? Divorce is running from the problem and yet, ironically, the problems within yourself are still with you.

Both the husband and the wife bring some baggage into marriage, and at some point and time issues are going to arise within the context of that baggage. It doesn't matter whose baggage it is, what does matter is how you're going to deal with those issues. For instance a wife might bring into the marriage a past abandonment issue from her childhood, which keeps her from giving her husband any freedom. Her concern is she is insecure and afraid her husband will leave her like someone she cared for her in her past once did. Or maybe the problem is with the husband. Maybe he was not taught any morals while growing up, and is following in the ways of his promiscuous dad.

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Both of these issues can cause more issues to pile up on top of the real problem and neither spouse will ever get to the bottom of what the real problem is. Henry thinks he married the wrong woman but Samantha is actually the right woman for Henry, it's just that he never gave the marriage a chance. God wanted Henry to grow up and take responsibility for his marriage for a change but instead he ran from the problems within himself.

Most of the time the issues that are brought into the marriage are personal concerns and problems within the self of each individual. We get married and are disposition comes out in the open. You cannot run from what affects you mentally and emotionally because it needs dealt with or it will follow you around. This is precisely why it is very important to figure out what the problem is and deal with it accordingly. I encourage you to work on those issues under the foundations of God.

If you want a chocolate bar you wouldn't buy it at the hardware store. If you need a new hammer you wouldn't get it at the candy shop. If your wife commits adultery you wouldn't go to your mother for help. If your husband were possessively jealous and controlling you wouldn't go to your girlfriends for help. If your marriage has problems that need tackled you wouldn't handle them yourself, would you? Personally, I have learned my lesson about going to the wrong source for my marital qualms. When I have issues that concern me, I run to God and ask Him for the answers my marriage needs. God has never let me down.

For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. (Psalm 22:24 NIV)

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Now that the thrill of your honeymoon is over, you will have to get your feet on the ground. The time when you were only a clumsy and charming bride is gone, and you will have to become the central pillar of your newly established family. Most new wives would soon find out that life as a married couple is a lot different from the life as an engaged pair of lovers. Moreover, there is another common problem arising on the horizon. As the wedding and the honeymoon surely left your pocket empty, it would be really hard to find expert marriage and counseling advices. Those kinds of services are expensive, even if you are going to a young counselor with low prices. However, there is another method to solve your marriage problems.

The local administration of every town is obliged by law to create free counseling offices for young couples. Sure, you won't find the top specialists of your city there, but there are some great young psychologists looking to make a name in the field of marriage and counseling. Don't hesitate to visit those offices and check the solutions offered.

The majority of couple problems would appear in the first year after marriage. The purpose of the counseling offices is to prevent divorces and to improve life as a couple. The topics that must be approached are family communication, conflicts solving methods, finance management, or the relationship with the rest of the family.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

The family, as well as society, has been in transition in the latest years. After the harsh financial recession from 2008-2009, young couples must face new problems such as lack of money, budget planning, and cutting expenses. A young girl used to spend most of her budget on clothes and jewelry might have problems accommodating to the new situation. A young man used to parties and going out with friends for some beers might feel constrained about the new situation. Those are the main problems of young couples seeking marriage and counseling advice. This might sound materialistic, but we are living in a capitalist world: the majority of married couple problems would appear because of money. The sexual life is the same as before, or even better, as the partners would begin to discover each other even more. The relationship with the parents works great in the first year for the majority of young married couples. However, the money problem is hard to solve. This is where you would need professional counseling about couple budget planning, cutting expenses, and renouncing unnecessary spending.

After the first year of marriage, some other problems might occur. If a child hasn't appeared in the family during this period, questions from family, relatives, and friends could arise. Even if the couple tries to ignore these issues, the couple life might become tense. Try to speak openly and sincerely with your partner of this problem. If you can't find a solution, going to the local marriage and counseling specialist might be a good idea.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.