How To Forgive Husband For Emotional Abuse: Forgiving An Abusive Husband

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse may not heal by itself over time. Given that its impact targets more the psychic areas than the body, you could be unconsciously scarred for a long period of time.

Because the damage is on the self-esteem and identity areas, healing emotional abuse means healing primarily both your mind and soul, not your body. Healing an emotionally abusive relationship can only take place once you realize that you are indeed in a power grab, abusive control style of relationship, not an egalitarian one. Prior to this, you need to do the following:

Accepting the sad reality that you are in an abusive relationship is hard and painful, but necessary. You can't continue thinking that he is "too tired" or "making jokes but not seriously making fun about you." This is for real a sad place where he tries to humiliate you to keep you under his control.

Being with both feet on the reality ground will give you a good reason to fight back. At this point, the unequal relationship between you and your husband is already twisted. Whatever the explanations he would give about abusing you, he still has no right to humiliate and insult another person.

And the fact that he is abusing the same person who has surrendered to him by way of love tells you that there is not a lot of character in him. Probably he is scared of you leaving him and thus he has decided to control you in such a way you will think there is nobody else left who would accept you. This is the decision that escalates the mistakes he is already doing, because you as a any woman deserve to be loved and respected and cared for.

Here is the main point: while you experience the need to be appreciated, valued and cherished by him, and only by him, he is so scared that he prefers you to hate him by means of making you feel abused. This twisted take makes the relationship extremely difficult: you could forgive him only if he realizes what he is doing (destroying the relationship) and makes amends and asks for forgiveness....He is not at that point yet, if he is not willing to learn how to make you really feel respected and loved.

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Even when you can still feel that he is the man of your life, the only person worthy of your love is the man who respects you. And from this point of view, he is not the right man for you now.

While healing an emotionally abusive relationship, you will gradually take back your freedom both physical and mental. There is a lot of anger and frustration in any abused person like you....and it takes time to process.

You must have lots of questions to be resolved: Why did he need to do such nasty things? where did he learn how to humiliate others? Does he realize the deep hurt his behavior is causing?

While searching for answers, a woman leaving her abuser has her mind and soul still trapped. There is the constant hope that this time he will recognize the damage, and go back to his loving self and apologize to her.....this is her dream: to be finally justified by his repentance.

Meanwhile, it's difficult to leave him if he doesn't recognize his own influence in the matrimonial relationship. If he keeps denying that what he does is abuse, you could get blindsided by his words, this is the reason why some victims usually end up going back to their abusers.

A typical abusive relationship is a cycle: your husband will blame you for his misfortune, screaming and insulting you even in crowded places and after that, seeing your resolve to leave, he will repent and ask for your forgiveness. This is motivated by his fear, once he sees that you are really contemplating leaving him, he will do any promises necessary to keep you near.

In the end, you'll find yourself back in his arms, hoping against reason that it won't happen again but it will happen again. Offering understanding and comprehension of his abusive behaviors is not the wisest thing to do because his actions still are generated from a part of him he doesn't know and control.

The most effective way to heal your mind and soul is to seek help from your friends, family and professional experts. Your friends and family are also ready to help you. You are not alone in this battle. In this critical period of your life, you will know who your true friends really are. People who would not see the damage to your self-esteem and insist on you keeping the marriage alive only by yourself will produce more hurt.

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Forgiving and understanding him will not yield any results if he is not willing to examine his behavior and be ready to give up power and the will to control you by abuse. You need to seek power within you and learn to cope with life without his abusive support. Honestly, you need to trust your own power and know that can do many things without him. Learn to trust yourself that you can live without his abuse and power to humiliate you.

The most effective way to heal your mind and soul is to seek help from your friends, family and professional experts. Your friends and family are also ready to help you. You are not alone in this battle. In this critical period of your life, you will know who your true friends really are.

Love yourself more than loving and taking care of him. Remember that you are not guilty of his abuse, which is always his choice, therefore you should not be blamed for his behavior. A man can only be blamed for his own choices, because he can decide always how to behave using logic and reason. And is irrational for him to blame you for his problems and misfortune. A man like this needs to grow up, observe what is he doing wrong and ask for forgiveness from you. If you can let him take ownership of his own problems, you then can take care of yourself and your own needs for support, companionship and respect.

Once healing of your emotionally abusive relationship occurs, the next step is to learn to let go of your past. Putting the past back means not to be all day occupied thinking on what happened with him. Otherwise, you will feel lots of real and negative emotions like anger, frustration, shame, fear, hurt, rejection and guilt. This would keep you lingering on and not moving on.

Working with a good support group, a therapist or a religious advisor you can get the support needed to process all the negativity and design a better future for yourself and the children.

If there is any indication of control over one partner by the other using emotional abuse, then the whole future of the marriage could be at stake. There is no relationship that can survive the destruction of the other's self-esteem as a means to maintain power and control.

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Communication - the right kind - is key for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. It is often maintained that unless you really know your partner, inside-out, you are at risk of cheating. More on this later.

People, in relationships, talk or don't talk. But even if they talk all the time, are they communicating the right way and giving each other the right, useful information, the type which allows the other to fully understand one's inner demons, inner fears, real hopes and dreams (not necessarily those you they told you to make you feel better).

You'll be surprised how often we, or our partner, withhold information for so many reasons; the most innocent one is to avoid hurting our loved one. So we don't disclose our real selves to them; we sometimes avoid disclosing our inner self to our loved one for fear that - if they really know who we are inside - they may not like us as much.

Similarly, you'll be surprised how many times our partner or spouse has felt as if they couldn't really open up to us because, every time they tried, they encountered a bad reaction from us. So they learnt to keep certain things to themselves. But this is absolutely not healthy. This leaves the door open to affairs, silence, resentment even, or mere misunderstanding.

So, what to do? You must swallow your pride and allow real, open communication between you two. Even if it means that you may feel jealous or hurt in some way. Let them talk to you, let them open up to you. This process is called TRANSFERENCE and allows a real connection between the two of you, one which will be hard to break.

How many times have you felt misunderstood, unappreciated, especially if you are a woman? And, if you are a man, how many times have you felt frustrated, that you just could not get through to your wife or spouse? So you may have relegated yourself to silence or started a fantasy world where you may meet someone, even for a few nights, which makes you feel wonderful all over again.

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The way we live has changed very rapidly over the last sixty years, hypocrisy and infidelity have become less acceptable within the couple. It is probably not surprising that the number of couples seeking divorces is perpetually rising to the point where you get the impression today that getting divorced is easier than getting married.

The people close to a divorce all get caught up in it and they all get hurt, some seriously and definitively, others to a lesser degree. Divorces cause a lot of damage not just to the couple who may be affected all the rest of their lives, children who never recover from the dramas they have been forced to live through. This may be why you are asking "How do I stop my divorce?"

You have three steps to take to stop your divorce.

You must understand that just saying you have changed does not necessarily mean that you have changed. Where you have made mistakes in your relationship just admitting you were at fault it is unrealistic to say that you will change your ways. You must actively demonstrate to your partner that you have changed your ways.

A good example of this is that if you have regularly had affairs, you cannot just say you will stop; you have to stop. Your partner may quite reasonably expect you to call in regularly to control what you are doing. Where your work involves traveling a lot, you may have to find a job nearer to where you live.

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Another example is if your wife cannot control her spending and is causing your relationship financial problems, you may insist that she returns her credit cards and learns to manage a n cash allowance instead

A third example is going to concern you when your going to work early and getting home late everyday, you may have to agree to get home by a certain hour, without any exception.

When you are looking to stop your divorce and save your relationship, you have to treat it as the main priority in your life and not just say you are going to do so.

In a similar context it will serve little purpose just to say you love your partner and so play on their emotions. Under no circumstances can you expect that just saying you love them will go any serious distance in your race to save your marriage. When you are arguing with your partner it will be of little good to say you love them. All this will do is cheapen any emotional ties you have with your partner. Use the strong " I love you" message when you're well advanced along the road to saving your marriage and not before, when it really has no serious meaning.

The last lesson you have to learn is that you are not going to win any argument when trying to sort out your relationship and save your marriage. Relationships are about emotions and not fact. Instead of arguing just find problem solutions that you both consider to be satisfactory if you are wondering how to "stop my divorce?"

Think about these different points if you really are serious about wanting to stop your divorce.

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