Under most circumstances with a woman, it’s utterly fruitless to get a woman’s number if she is a.) not sexually attracted b.) not friendly or feel a sense of fun or friendship from you, or c.) not a good match for you intellectually, in maturity, culture or tastes. Why would you even bother? Or why would she? Therein lies the rub, because many men take a “hard work attitude” into the social arena as if they could apply the same work ethic they do at their jobs, to the area of connecting with a woman.

It ought to happen naturally, the same way a kiss will and that sex will if you are a masculine guy and she is worth the time, energy, and attention you have to give. A number is not a “goal” or even a feather in your cap, or an accomplishment, unless the woman is valuable to you, you are valuable to her, and you both understand what “value” even is. It’s emotional investment – the ability to make someone feel happy, and feel friendship.

One concern of women is how they will look to their female friends, and another is that of physical safety itself, so I have personally found that it is far more appealing to ask for a woman’s email address than phone number. In this case, there’s no pressure on you to catch her actually answering (in this day and age she won’t – she’ll see who called and what they said if she even calls back at all), and to avoid the shame of a rejection (who cares if she doesn’t return an email? Junk mail happens all the time!)

This also gives her a sense of safety and control and gives you high efficiency, because you don’t have to devote a ton of time resources to talking to someone who may or may not pan out as valuable to your life when you use email.

Nonetheless, to get a contact, whether phone or email, there ought to be a REASON to. Why would a woman want to give her number if there’s no established joint interests, reason to connect, or sexual attraction built toward a date (if that’s the reason.) You ought to have already generated a great deal of fun and flirtation before you ever get near her contact information if romance is on your mind.

Otherwise, even if she does answer when you call or write, she may think it’s for a business reason and be surprised when you ask her on a date. So doing the flirtation and the emotional bonding I explain in my material serves you well to screen women who may not be a match or have interest in you.

One thing’s for sure: if you get a number or email, you need to have already secured her commitment to meet at a certain place and time for a purpose – whether it’s business dealings or a date. Otherwise, having given her number or email is just a notch in HER belt, and one which she may never respond to, and never will.

She doesn’t want to be seen by her friends giving out her information, or worry that she is considered a “slut” for doing so, therefore you had better have spent some time getting her sexual attraction up, and attended to her friends too in a diplomatic way. Many men and women fail to meet for this reason, who otherwise would have had great dates or a relationship – all because someone forgot the importance of fitting into the overall social circle.

Be a fun, masculine, sexy, charismatic guy who’s easy to make friends with, and that takes care of most of the rest, including “numbers” if you must have those.

Author's Bio: 

Paul Dobransky, M.D. is a board-certified psychiatrist, public speaker and relationship expert who has treated more than 10,000 patients in 15+ years in clinical psychiatric care. Journalists and clients worldwide have sought Dr. Paul's advice on dating, relationships and all aspects of human psychology.

Dr. Paul pioneered MindOS, a new, patent-pending approach to understanding relationships, mood problems and stress. MindOS synthesizes all schools of therapy into a single, effective system-based approach that uses plain language to help people understand psychology and solve problems. Go to http://www.menspsychology.com/ to learn more.