When I work with women on how to influence their future I start with this exercise. Make a list of 3 things in your past that are causing an “I deserve more” barrier for you. These are the messages of that voice in your head saying, “You can’t do this. Or have this. Or be this.” Let your struggle go.

Beside each item write a statement that reframes the event. For instance, if the event is you were told no all the time, change it to “Nobody is telling me no, now.” Or “I am saying yes, to making my own decisions.” Or “The only answer I see is yes.” Accept your power to set your own rules.

Getting specific inserts reality into your intentions

Next, take the reframed statement and make it specific. “Yes, I will take that class.” “Yes, I am asking for a promotion.” “Yes, I am creating a business plan.” Then eliminate the distractions, kids, work pressures, and other responsibilities at least for an hour each day. Spend this time writing, thinking and exploring what you deserve.

Put it away then come back to it a week later. How has your view changed about your list? What new perspectives do you see? Where did you short-change yourself in listing what you deserve?

You can repeat this exercise as long as you need to get it right. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion – your onion.

A woman’s core existence is based on relationship. Relationship with self. Relationships with others. Relationships with the world. And relationship with God. Now, that’s a bunch of relationships to be active in!

Let’s look at the relationship a woman has with herself. Kathy Caprino, author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose, says, "Professional women, particularly those in their middle years, are at a critical juncture." At the root of empowerment in life and work is your relationship with yourself.

“This involves the way in which you connect with and experience your core being, and the degree to which you honor and esteem your natural self.” Caprino goes on to say, “The more empowered you are at this level, the more unconditional regard you have for yourself.”

When a woman basks in unconditional self-regard she experiences and expresses the confidence which propels her forward to attracting what she deserves. By taking charge and saying yes to YOU in that relationship, you are influencing all paths to every aspect of your life.

Yes, you are the beginning!

Author's Bio: 

Karen Keller, Ph.D. is an expert in women’s leadership and assertiveness training. She is also a successful entrepreneur and author. She specializes in the skills of influence and persuasion, executive coaching, mentoring, sales techniques, management development training, motivational speaking, personal life coaching, and corporate training. Discover Influence It! Real POWER for Women now! For more information visit www.karen-keller.com.

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