How to Look Cool Even If You're Not

I’m a movie fan. It’s what I did a lot back in my AFC days. I would run off to the movie theater for a few hot dogs and soda when I needed a break from leveling my toon on World of Warcraft. I now automagically process stuff through the lens of tons of field experience and everything in life looks different than before - including film. I love observing the subcommunications (subcom) amongst humans. I spent tons of time on that very topic in the new book – in fact the whole thing is really about that. About how we send each other signals of all kinds without saying it per se. Sub-communication, ‘subcom’ for short, is communicating qualities about you without using verbal surface communication or other totally obvious communication methods. If you pay attention to character based films you like you realize that the best ones have an intense focus on the subcom of the characters. I didn’t realize this till just now. Basically I took a quick inventory of some super character driven films I liked and realized that the more they focused on getting really close to the facial expressions, the eyes, the tonality, the stance, the stillness of characters, how they moved – the better the movie was. I don’t think Hollywood yet gets the full importance of understanding subcom to their craft. You can always tell ‘fake cool’ in films or TV: the filmmaker spends a ton of time selling some guy as super cool – but they mess up that character’s subcom. That is how we get ‘the Fonz,’ that character that you know you are supposed to think is cool but he isn’t really. You know he isn’t really cool because his body language is over done – he has too much swagger and he is way too animated. The ‘fake cool’ characters usually appear very try hard. The film maker ends up having an unbelievable character but he doesn’t know why. Conversely, sometimes Hollywood ‘gets it’ without even trying. Check out ‘Good Night and Good Luck’ – it is an EPIC lesson in insanely good subcom. That movie depicts the true story of Ed Murrow and his team of broadcast TV reporters when they went after Senator McArthy in 1953. The reporter characters weren’t being sold as cool guys – they all wore the exact same dorky 1950’s outfit and were journalism geeks. But George Clooney (who turns out to be a good director) nails their subcom performance. He also spends a ton of time on close-ups of all the characters so the audience can really take all those subcoms in: their facial expressions, the way they move, subtle eye movements, tonality, their non reactivness to the environment and even their smoking. How you come off to women is 90% related to all the little tiny things you do with your body. If you have quick eye movements you subcom nervousness. If you move your arms quickly you subcom trying too hard. If you turn your head too fast in response to something in the environment you come off as not internally validated. Watch the movie. Except for the guy that commits suicide, all of the characters have extremely solid subcom (the irony!). The type of subcom that can get you laid if you just run your mouth while doing it and escalate with the girl. Observe that you feel that the characters are cool and attractive even though their stereotype is dorky. This is 90% to do with their body language and vocal tonality. You just know that the Ed Murrow character is internally driven and he doesn’t give a shit about what’s going on around him. He has a VISION and he won’t let it go. This is subcommunicated to the audience by how slow he moves, how unaffected he is by his environment, how he has a very smooth and steady tone of voice, how his posture is erect and almost statue like, and a bunch more little points. Watch the film and try to internalize the subcom and then go out and imitate it. You will get better results right away.nn-mn ‘Good Night and Good Luck’ PS-- I finally figured out exactly why cigarette smoking always looks cool. Whenever it looks cool it’s when a) the character is still b) there is lots of moving smoke. You really notice the stillness because of the contrast created by the moving smoke. Incidentally, this is a very powerful metaphor for the field. You are the still character while all the sets around you are the smoke. If you watch my infield videos you will notice that I’m always moving the least out of all the characters in the ‘shot.’ This is deliberate – it generates a lot of attraction.nn---------nMehow is a nationally known dating coach featured on Young Hollywood, MTV, and Saturday Night Magazine. He teaches in-field workshops, and has a brand new ebook out at http://www.mehow.tv.