How To Make A Marriage Work When It's Broken: Challenges In Marriage And How To Overcome Them

Before you file for divorce from your spouse, consider some recent finding from researchers at the University of Chicago. They found in their studies of couples on the verge of separation, those couples that were ready to split up but found a way to stay together and work on their relationship, over 2/3 of these couples stayed married and were still together 5 years later.

What does this mean?

It is worth the effort to try and save your marriage. When you consider the time, effort and expense of a nasty separation or a divorce, you have to think about the small investment in trying to stay together and work things out. With a mix of obstinate commitment, stubbornness in the face of separation, a mutual commitment to work on things and a beneficial reduction of expectations in each other, many couples simply found new, common ground in their relationship. By avoiding the lengthy trial of divorce including the emotional and physical toll on each other, the new hopefulness of a future together increased significantly whether or not there were children involved.

One exception to this was in the case where physical violence was at the root of the strife. Those couples were obviously better off separated. This applied to the couple as well as any affected children. Divorce is bad but as has been quoted on a number of occasions, "It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one".

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Advice and counseling was given to each couple and four areas emerged as consistent:

Patience - Give the relationship another chance. Do not rush to make a decision or a move just because of the immediate emotional stress. Financial issues, kids aging, less demands on each other, job related strife all have a way of working themselves out over a period of time.

You Have to Try - Work on a relationship is no different from any other labor. You get in what you put in. Seek out counseling, go to your church for advice, find a friend network with those with similar situations or success in a surviving a similar circumstance.

Talk To Each Other, Not At Each Other - Seek down time before discussion any emotional issue. Take a drive. Or a nice quiet walk. It is amazing that when given 10 minutes to 'cool-down' during an argument or a discussion that will likely lead to conflict, a few moments alone to contemplate the situation and look at the issue from the other's point of view can have a profound, calming effect.

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Marriage is a faithful commitment for a lifetime towards your partner whom you have chosen because of love. It is the union of two special yet, totally different and unique individuals. You need to understand that being a man you have different needs, wants, outlook in life, principles, and lifestyles from the woman you are marrying or married with. The same is true with the woman - your needs, wants, principles may be totally different, but as soon as you stepped into the cage of marriage the two shall become one flesh.

Try to observe couples today and compare it to marriages 20, 30, or 50 years ago. Why are there many divorce cases this time than the past? Sadly, every year the divorce rate keeps on increasing. How can you make your marriage work and last for a lifetime? True love is one of the ingredients of a successful marriage. Without it, the relationship won't be lasting nor happy and peaceful. Neither could it resists temptations or stand firm against trials and tribulations. With it there is patience, kindness, gentleness, meekness, understanding, care, concern, generosity, sense of responsibility and respect.

A husband should love his wife so that the wife will be submissive and respectful to the husband. When you love your spouse it means including his/her weaknesses and shortcomings. Consideration towards each other. You have to understand that you're not married to a perfect husband or wife. Every moment, human as you are, you are always bound to committing mistakes. As you stay together you will discover new and maybe undesirable things from your partner which were not known to you before but be considerate. You are peculiar from each other. Remember the principle of individualism where no two individuals are exactly alike. Give - and - take should be exercised so that there will be lesser misunderstandings.

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Forgiveness is a by - product of true love. Avoid repeating or nagging your spouse because of the past mistake. Raise up your partner where he/she falls. Move on and be positive towards the future. In this case, assurance for true repentance is hundred percent.

Cool down as water when the other is angry as a blazing fire. It will only worsen the situation when both of you are on top of your anger and you insist on discussing things. Instead of solving the problem you will only worsen the chaotic situation. Remind yourself that it isn't the end of the world yet. Never resort to drugs, alcohol, nor sleep with another man/woman to satisfy your anger. Go back to the time when both of you decided to give yourself in the sacred matrimony of marriage. Rekindle that love that you have inside. It may have been rusted by time and season but, never neglect nor take it for granted.

Satisfy your partner sexually. In most broken marriages it boils down to sexual dissatisfaction because either one of them are not doing their responsibility. This is the reason why either spouse is easily tempted to infidelity. Most men get married for sexual gratification and fulfillment therefore, any woman who desires to have a lasting and fulfilling married life should be able to apply this principle by heart.

You may be able to follow three or four among the factors mentioned but it determines how well your relationship will turn out in the future with how much you have done to make your relationship worth keeping and fulfilling.

Do all these and be a model to your children and for the next generation to come.

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Marriage is not something to give you the impression that once you have your wedding rings on your fingers, you can forget about all the effort you have put in getting to this point. Many people get married only to fill up formalities, or out of convenience. Some are meant to last until death do they part, others fight over whom to sign the divorce papers first.

Anyways, let's get back to the reason why you are reading this article. No matter how strong the love that brought you together has been, there still are some things that come out of the closet when you least expect it. All the small and apparently insignificant issues you strongly believe you can get over add up as years go by. You then find yourselves on a mined ground and any step you take might be fatal to your marriage.

Learn to see the signs before it's too late!

Being married must not exclude sex appeal and/or romantic gestures between you and your spouse. You are still human and need these attentions in your lives just as much as you've been craving for them before being a married couple. Living under the same roof and having the same name does not change that! If you are able to depict the signs that are telling you that minor acts can and eventually will degenerate into irreparable flaws, then you may consider throwing the 50 years anniversary of your happy marriage.

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Maintain a balance between routine activities and the "spice" in your couple. If you have children, make sure they get the proper education, love and affection, but do not let them take over your lives. Make time for the two of you and your intimacy.

Communication is the key to a healthy marriage!

If things have already started to slowly get out of control, it is high time you and your spouse had an honest conversation bout what is bothering you and try to come to a reasonable solution. I am pretty sure that you can find it if you work as a team, not as combatants.

Never forget to be inventive and to maintain your spouses' interest in you!

Self respect and the respect for your soul mate is also a very important aspect that tends to lose its intensity in time. Even if you have reached a point of maximum trust and you think you know everything about each other, do not forget that you are two different individuals that sooner or later can emit critical judgments towards each other.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Difficulties in a marriage often start out as something quite insignificant. Eventually these difficulties blow up out of proportion and the stress and loneliness may lead you to seek marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling is designed to help a couple resolve their differences. In order to make strides forward it's necessary for both participants to make the effort required to understand each other's problems.

A Counselor will adopt different roles during a counseling session. They may just be an observer, or act as a facilitator or mediator. The main object of any counseling is to enable the couple to sort out their issues themselves.

The best way of doing this is to talk openly about issues that are causing grief. These issues may have been festering for quite a while without the other partner having any idea. This will ultimately lead to learning to negotiate around these particular issues and understanding that compromise is often the solution.

In order for any marriage counseling to be successful, both parties must want to resolve the problems and get back the relationship they once had.

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It's so easy to lose sight of one's dreams when faced with the stresses of everyday life. For this reason its important that the counseling sessions help the couple to reassess their marriage and try to work out when and where it started to falter.

In many cases it has taken a long time for a couple to reach the stage in their marriage where counseling is the only answer. For this reason, it would be unreasonable to expect counseling to resolve the situation quickly. It may take quite some time to unearth all the small but significant things that have eventually led to the the erosion of happiness.

Talking together in a safe environment can help a couple to relax and be less afraid to say things they may otherwise keep to themselves. An unbiased mediator can be the sounding block for grievances. It's quite possible that once grievances are spoken, they suddenly sound less important. We often build things up in our minds which sound quite silly once we've aired them.

This is of course why counseling can be helpful. It creates the opportunity to speak about things we would normally keep bottled up. Also, the realization that your partner has actually been aggravated by something you've done, or haven't done, can make it seem so easy to resolve.

It's true to say that marriage counseling is not always the answer for some couples. There may be a tremendous gap between their needs in the marriage. In this instance counseling can help to make an inevitable separation easier on both parties. This is very important, particularly when children are involved, as it's not always possible to think clearly in such a situation.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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