How to make long distance relationships work. A fair percentage of the mails I get from new clients come from women who are in a long distance relationship but bogged down with insecurity, worry, loneliness or mistrust. It is hard to see what the point is to a relationship that is so negative and brings no joy. But they hold on and continue to worry or suffer, maybe for months or years. In some cases they are right to worry and feel insecure, in others it is them, it is something about them and how they see themselves. They then project this onto the man. They do not see that if they are insecure and have no confidence and they project this onto the guy blaming him, it is not really his fault.

A few weeks ago I had a new client who could not stand it when her man spoke to another woman. Even if he was at work and speaking to his boss, even if he was in a shop and chatted to a shop assistant. She saw it as him flirting or him trying it on with other females. But it was her. It was the fact that she did not trust herself to be pleasing enough, loving enough, exciting enough and thrilling enough to keep his interest.

If the same sort of female was in a LDR and her man was not even speaking to her and seeing her on a regular basis her imagination would run riot. If he so much as phones her half an hour later than he said he would. If he has photos taken of a group he was with and there are women there. If he goes to a club and has a drink at the bar, it would be never ending. And if she is typical of an insecure woman shes would then be huffy with him or accuse him or question him, which only leads to him getting seriously fed up with her. Then when he dumps be because of her nagging and questioning she sees that as confirming she was right.

A long distance relationship can work very well, but it is not for someone who is insecure unless they work on themselves. They would need to see a good therapist and be thorough with their issues and change their mindset.

Some people find that the LDR works great, it keeps the passion and excitement bubbling. They appreciate each other more because they miss each other more. And it keeps them on their toes. They are not able to get bored with each other or see too much of each other. Which is great so long as they realise that if they ever changed it to a normal see each other most day type of thing then it might go wrong, because perhaps the key - in their case - is to keep it that way.

One of the mistakes people make when in a LDR is to sit by the computer or phone waiting eagerly for a text or call. Instead of getting out and about and living some sort of normal life. If you are going to feel as if you are at the beck and call of your other half then forget it. That is not a relationship.

Others are quick to start chatting to someone from a chat room or dating site and within days are telling all of their friends and anyone who will listen that they are now in a couple and in live. You cannot be in love with someone you have not met and have not got to know properly and have not got to know over a period of time.
After all, this very handsome, young soldier or doctor you think you are chatting to could really be just another Nigerian scammer who will nag you to send them money.

I have also chatted to women who have flown off to another country to meet some guy they have chatted to once or twice online. Not only is it very dangerous but it is such a lot of effort, time and expense over someone who is a stranger.

When both of the people are happy that the relationship is going well they need to work on it and they need to make sure they are in regular contact and have some sort of plan to meet up. And it should not always be one travelling to the other, depending on individual circumstances. People tend to start as they mean to ago on, so if the person you are getting to know shows no interest in bothering to travel to you at the start do not expect it to get better later, things generally cool down rather than get better.

It is a good idea to make sure you get to know your LDR properly and check them out if you have to. Make sure they are single, make sure they work where they say they do. Make sure they are the age they claim to be. Do not just take their word for everything and do not just accept a photo - after all, it could have been copied online or be the photo of one of their children.

And at least in the early days of this new relationship do not put the rest of your life on hold and promise yourself to them. You are still able to go out and date other people. It has to become serious with you both making plans and commitments before you need to be "faithful" AND all theirs. And you would need to be sure of that. Sometimes women promise themselves to some guy in another country and then sit there every evening watching television with granny, yet the guy is out with all different people doing whatever he likes as if he is totally single... sometimes chatting up and making promises to lots of different women. He might just want fun and online sex, but be telling you what you want to hear to keep the supply.

Author's Bio: 

Beth Shepherd Tried trusted and tested psychic and relationship expert. Tried, tested and trusted by experts, professionals, newspapers and magazines. 40 years of experience.