How to really build confidence

most people fail to build self confidence because they don’t work on fixing the right areas where they lack self confidence. I gave the example of the successful person who lacks confidence because of problems in his social life and who never manages to feel confident even though he is achieving more and more success in his career.

The one important thing you must know is that this right area might not always be that visible to you but it sometimes needs some effort in order to be located.

In this lesson I will tell you how to find exactly the right areas you need to fix in order to become confident.

How to find the area where you lack self confidence the most
Let’s suppose that you fear public speaking. Is that an area that needs to be fixed?

No

While learning to speak confidently in public will certainly improve your self confidence still the fear of public speaking itself is the result of lack of self confidence in other life areas.

For example a person could fear public speaking because

1) He doesn’t like his looks and so he doesn’t feel comfortable facing all of those strangers (this happens unconsciously and the person is never aware of this fact)
2) He feels inferior to people because he thinks that he is not as competent as them
3) He thinks that others don’t love him as a result of the rejections he got earlier in his life

Now as you can see one single fear can result from different reasons and unless all three reasons are fixed the problem, which is fear of public speaking in our case, will always be there.

How to single out the area that has problems

Let’s suppose that you are not that confident when it comes to social interactions. In such a case you need to examine your social interactions further to find out the problematic sub area within the social relations area.

Do you fear strangers but have no problems in dealing with close friends?
If that’s the case then your problem might be fear of rejection or a self image problem.

Do you find it ok to deal with strangers but fear intimacy?
In such a case you might be satisfied with your looks but in the same time you might be unhappy with your personality

Do you find yourself feeling confident when being with some friends and inferior when being with others? What’s the difference between the two groups of friends?
Is the second group richer than the first? Then you fear rich people!!

By asking yourself such questions and by monitoring your behavior and emotions in different situations you will be able to find out exactly what problem you need to fix in order to become confident.

Finding the major area is not enough
It’s great to know that you lack self confidence in a certain life area but unless you dig deeper and find out the reasons that make you lack confidence in that specific area you won’t be able to build self confidence the right way.

Learn how to monitor your self-talk closely
Learn how to monitor your emotions closely
Whenever you find any of them changing record the situation because it will certainly provide you with a clue about the areas where you lack confidence at.