How To Save Your Marriage If You Think Your Spouse Is Cheating: How To Deal With Cheating Husband Without Losing Him

What I am about to tell you is NOT a new concept, although you will not get this kind of advice very often when dealing with a cheating spouse because most people do not think adultery is fixable. But I am here to tell you that you can heal from adultery and be a better spouse for it. If you are suspicious of your spouse then your marriage is already in trouble. Why wait to find out if they are actually cheating? Why not do something about your marriage while you can?

Stop Being Suspicious and Fix Your Marriage

If you are living your life in suspicion of your spouse then the marriage has an issue that is not getting remedied by either one of you. This issue needs to get remedied immediately before a spouse does cheat, cheats again, or you cheat. That's right, you read that right, "you cheat".

Are you still dating or are you married? I ask this because in the dating relationship it is almost a given that someone is going to cheat, whether emotional or physical-its engraved within the dating attitude. But in a marriage relationship being suspicious of one another and cheating should not be going on and married couples should NOT be living their marriage in such a reckless way. It is wasteful, disrespectful, impractical, ungodly and immature and leads to divorce.

What Can You Do if Your Spouse is Cheating?

Jealousies, suspicions and cheating should be left back at the dating scene, or else don't get married. If we are married then we have to grow up and be accountable, firstly to God and then secondly to our spouse. When one spouse thinks the other is cheating it usually means they are doing something that would merit cheating themselves by attracting the opposite sex.

Perhaps you dress in revealing clothing. Or maybe you chat with the opposite sex on social network sites or maybe you just can't keep your eyes and flirtatious escapades in your own fence. Now who is the cheater? Is it the one who is cheating or the other spouse who is also cheating but they don't want to admit it. In other words, it's all cheating, whether physical or emotional, and do you want to know why? Because it is in your attitude, in your persona, and how you carry yourselves, that's why.

"That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness". Ephesians 4:22, 23

Now for the concept I was talking about in the first sentence of this article. Before we can stop all of this suspicion, jealousies and cheating in marriage we have to look at ourselves; we have to change our attitude and renew our mind, meaning get rid of all the conditioning and brainwash that circulates in society about the justification of these things. We have to give our marriages to God! Don't you know that God is the Creator and Architect of Marriage? Why are you giving it to the world to destroy?

Stop Focusing All of Your Attention on Cheating Spouse

Let's start by doing what Jesus did when the people wanted to stone the adulterous woman in John chapter eight. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Do you think that just because you did not commit the physical act of adultery that you are better than your spouse in this area? Jesus is saying, "stop focusing on other people's sins and look at yourself".

Jesus is not condoning adultery, but Jesus is saying to take care of your own sins, change yourself, so perhaps you can be a light of God for the cheating spouse. We are not here to condemn but to love and so first we must learn how to love in the way that Christ has shown His love for us through the forgiveness of our sins.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Start Focusing on Yourself

This advice is for the person who is suspicious of a spouse or knows for sure they are cheating. Have you put the stones away? Good. Now look at your own behaviors and attitudes and dress when you are out in public, and how you behave on chat forums and social networking sites. Did you know that we attract the opposite sex to look at us with lust by how we dress, talk and behave? But you already knew that, right? Is that why you are suspicious of your spouse? Should they be suspicious of you too?

What can you change about yourself? How can your example shine a light on your spouse so they may follow your lead? Do you dress to please your ego or God? Do you stare and flirt with the opposite sex? Do you have opposite sex friends without your spouse? Do you behave in ways that would give your spouse reason to think you do not care about them? Many people do not realize that their very actions merit suspicion by their spouse and could even give justification for a spouse to cheat.

Heal Your Attitude and Restore Your Marriage

Heal your attitude and restore your marriage! Healing takes place when we repent (give up living for self) and get right with God through forgiveness of our past lifestyle. In other words, we have to stop living the sinful lifestyle. Change your attitude and renew your mind. Keep your eyes in your own fence and ask God to help you to love your spouse in the right ways, according to His design.

Couples do not need to cheat on each other, they just need to learn how to enjoy each other in every which way, rather than seek attention, admiration and praise from others. No one admires you more than God himself; let God admire His wonderful works in you! Live your life for God! BTW, it takes two to tango, send this article to your spouse today!

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Studies have shown that some men are more likely to cheat their partners than the others. It's also true that women are quick to know the hints that their men are not loyal to them. They usually have a different feeling about their beaus if the guy is straying.

But to women who are facing this challenge in their love life, know that no secret is kept for long. In the end, you will find out the truth.

So what are the signs to watch out for to confirm that your guy is cheating? You have to know them in order to protect yourself and decide what's right for you.

You would know if your partner is the kind who can look at other women through his close friends. According to Miami family counselor and author M. Gary Neuman, 77 percent of guys who cheat have best friends who also do the same. This was the finding of Neuman's survey of 200 men which added that these men who have a tendency to stray have fathers who were also cheating. The author explained that for this type of men, not being loyal to their partners seems to be a normal thing to do.

What you can do then is to determine your man's views on infidelity. You can do this while you're still in the dating stage so that you can protect yourself and decide not to get into a serious relationship with him should you find out he does not put much value on loyalty. If a guy thinks that infidelity is normal for men, he may not be the type to stay commitment.

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Lying is another sign that you should be aware of. Cheaters often lie and they just have so many excuses. They can withhold information about the company they work for and their whereabouts which is a common issue. If you find your man to be not trustworthy, you might have to rethink staying in your relationship.

A man who earns less than his partner and is dependent financially on the woman is also five times more likely to stray. This is based on the findings of a 2010 study by the Cornell University. According to the researchers, men in this kind of situation have a tendency to show off their masculinity by having more than one partner.

To women who are lucky to have a homebody as a husband or fiancé, experts recommend to make an effort to let your partner know that you are fine even if they don't contribute much financially. Be generous with your compliments to make him feel valued and loved just the same.

Another thing is if you find your man seeks support from his friends rather than from you. When he's facing a challenge or problem at work, for instance, he may keep it from you and would instead go womanizing. If you have a partner who has this attitude, try to show your love and support to encourage him to open up to you.

Be wary of these signs so you can keep your relationship intact or stay away from one that will only cause you heartaches.

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"They do not love who do not show their love". - William Shakespeare

Would you like to have a more satisfying, more gracious, more affectionate marriage? Of course, who wouldn't? Here are ten simple steps to allowing that into your relationship with your spouse. Married couples are reluctant to share their feelings with each other, and it's not just men holding back. Women, too, have a high threshold of trust, and in either case, couples are skeptical about opening up, believing that they don't need it, or that their comfort level has been attained, and they don't want to be bothered.

But here are ten steps for increasing the level of satisfaction in your marriage. Pick and choose as you wish. The first thing you'll notice is that some of the steps are so simple as to be almost silly. Anything memorable is what people take away.

1) Be nice to each other. Simple enough? With all the disruption, uncertainty and busyness today it's far too easy to bring outside stuff into the home. We find ourselves easily annoyed, irritable, wanting nothing more than to be left alone. One thing to remember is that everything is a choice. Next time you come in the house, make a conscious effort to imagine your spouse the day you married them. Shut your eyes, go back five, ten, twenty years before, and picture them with you as you recited your vows together. Could you be angry or upset with them that day? No? See, it is a choice. Okay, open your eyes, smile, greet your mate as if you'd just said "I Do."

2) Simplicity. See above. The world is crazy busy. It's too easy to get wrapped up in all the electronic, urban, job and urgent detail cacophony. The computer. Television. Radio, Wii, DVD, NetFlix, YouTube, Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, you name it, it's a time suck, and a major source of distraction. Have you considered a meditation spot, or a serenity room? They're the perfect antidote to all the above, and taking your spouse there may be the very thing you both need to turn all that noise off. Find a room you don't use much, an oversize closet will do, and furnish the space with utter simplicity--candles, soft lighting, softer music, maybe a water source like an indoor fountain. Go there after work, or after the kids are in bed, and just enjoy each other.

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3) Speaking of kids, the little darlings are another major source of distraction, and they often come between the two of you. They won't appreciate it if you two treat each other harshly, or allow a tense atmosphere to persist. So for everyone's good, make a point of spending time alone, and keep the kids at arms length. Not easy, but necessary.

4) Be openly affectionate. This, too, is a choice, and one that seems fraught with difficulty for a lot of people. Men too often equate tactile overtures--even something as simple as a brush against an arm--as a sign that sex is the intent. Women on the other hand would prefer just the affectionate hug or embrace, without expectation of anything more. The dilemma grows as men expect too much and pursue sex, then their spouses withhold even the simple touch, so men can eventually get their only tactile feedback in sex, and the problem grows. Women need to be more open about their needs, and men need to learn to listen better, especially to what their mates are not saying. Often, affection is the need, not sex.

5) Laugh more often. Even if you have to go to the joke of the day on the internet to find a real dog of a joke, do it every day, or find some reason to make your mate smile.

6) Whisper. Nothing gets someone's attention like a soft, sexy whisper. If all you want is attention, fine. See number 4.

7) Take care of yourself. No kidding, carrying too much weight is not only unhealthy, it's likely unattractive to your mate. Too many people disregard their physical appearance once they're married. This may be the biggest cause of disenchantment and divorce. If your love life has suffered in the past few years, your weight may be the reason. We did say simple steps, and losing weight isn't simple. But it may be the best thing you can do for your relationship.

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8) Meet for lunch. This ritual seems to have gone away. Too bad. There's nothing more enjoyable than getting together in the middle of the day to reconnect. There's another benefit to this, too. Being seen together in public gets noticed. That's a good thing.

9) The old fashioned total body rubdown is hard to beat. Soft music, warm lotion, long, lingering massage can be the one thing your mate has needed for a long time. Try it tonight.

10) Sex. Okay, our romantic notions are never complete without physical contact in the bedroom. Here's an idea, though. Never be afraid to experiment. Read a book. Go on line and look for something new. Be careful not to invite viral dangers into your computer. Stick to tasteful, mature sites that cater to adults. They're out there, just tough to find. Or make it up yourself. They say the brain is the sexiest organ there is. It could be that the key to great romance is taking more time than you ever thought you would.

Your marriage is the most important aspect of your life. Having real affection for each other pays off in so many ways it's hard to list them all. You feel better, your friends notice and they feel better, your kids are happier, you'll be healthier, you'll enjoy each other more and perhaps the best part of all is, that people will wonder what you've been up to.

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I get a lot of correspondence from people who aren't sure if their marriage has really reached it's end. People will often describe their marriage or their conflict and ask me if I think their marriage is really over. This isn't a question that I'm able to answer in good faith because that's a decision that can only be made by the two people involved. And, I firmly believe that most marriages can be saved if the people involved are willing to change their perceptions and behaviors. However, I often do notice that some of the couples that I meet who have reached the end of their marriages (in the most healthy way that is possible in this situation) have some things in common.

People often ask me if their marriage is showing the "signs" that would indicate that they are at the end of it. I often offer signs that I feel can be indications of a marriage that is ending. However, my motive in offering these signs is that I'm hoping that if the couple recognizes themselves in the descriptions, they will therefore take some action. Because it's my opinion that people who are sure that they want to end their marriages aren't often asking for advice from someone who usually advocates saving it. In the following article, I'll tell you some of the signs that I often see when people feel that their marriage is truly over.

Sign Number One: Indifference About Your Marriage: Often, people will write me and will confess that they have strong negative feelings about their partner. Some people even go so far as to tell me that they "hate" or "no longer like" their spouse. I believe that many suspect that the stronger the negative feelings, the more likely it is that their marriage is over. While it's never a totally great thing to be feeling negatively where your spouse is concerned, I often find it much more troublesome when the spouse's description indicates that one or both of them are indifferent.

People who are angry or who feel hurt, jealousy, fear, frustration or even hate are at least still having some feelings where their partner or their marriage is concerned - even if these feelings are negative. However, I find it more troublesome when they just aren't feeling anything. People at the end of their marriages are generally done with being angry or conflicted. This is generally because they knew that they gave it the best effort that they could and, despite everyone's best efforts, they just didn't make it. While there might be sorrow that they couldn't save the marriage, they generally aren't mad at or are blaming each other. So while feeling negative feelings isn't always the greatest outcome, at least in terms of saving your marriage, I feel that it's better than indifference.

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Sign Number Two: No One Is Willing To Make Any Attempt At Changing Things: I often tell people that in a perfect world, both spouses are willing to make some effort to change and improve things. This often is not the case though. Fortunately, I've found that just having one person who is willing to initiative change and improvement will often suffice. Typically, once the reluctant spouse sees that real progress is happening, they are eventually willing to give a little also.

However, sometimes there's a situation where there's no one who is willing to be the one who initiates change. Both people are just sort of crossing their arms and are not wanting to move forward. It's often a situation where they are in a stale mate and no one is willing to the one who stops this. People will often decide if their spouse isn't willing to work with them, then they are willing to work alone. While I certainly understand this thinking, I have to tell you that this situation rarely turns out well. In my opinion, you typically need one person to be the one who is willing to step out of their comfort zone and get started. Usually, the other spouse will eventually join them, but in the beginning, they are sometimes on their own.

Sign Number Three: The Spouses Are More Interested In Keeping Score Or In Changing Or Punishing Their Spouse Than In Being Happy: This is similar to sign number two but it's just as worrisome. Sometimes, people just can't seem to stop clinging to anger and resentment. So, I'll sometimes hear things like "I"m not going to put myself out there when he just doesn't deserve it. He doesn't lift a finger to help me and I'm not willing to do all the work. " Another variation on this theme is "he's been selfish and rude in our marriage and I can't seem to let go of this. I can't imagine not being angry at him."

Sometimes in these situations, I have to state the obvious and question as to why we're speaking about this at all. Clearly, somewhere deep inside, they want to be happy in their marriage. If this wasn't the case, they would not be reaching out to me. But, in order to really be happy, you will often need to let go of the score keeping or the "pay backs." And, if you are always trying to change your spouse or point out their flaws, this is usually only going to make them resentful. People who are happily married often have decided to accept their spouse for who they are and to work around any flaws.

At the end of the day, there are times when you must decide that your goal is to be happy rather than to constantly need to be right. Indignation is almost as threatening to a marriage as indifference. If the culture in your marriage is one where you're both digging in your heals, trying to change the other, and always pointing out or dwelling on the negative, this will typically need to change in order to save your marriage and restore it to a healthy and happy place where you no longer need to dwell upon these things.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Author's Bio: 

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