How To Stop Husband From Being A Mama's Boy: How To Detach Husband From His Mother - How To Keep Husband Away From His Mother

"He who takes the child by the hand takes the mother by the heart." Danish Proverb

"A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest." Irish Proverb

In the movie Runaway Jury, Gene Hackman's character says to the cab driver: "it is better to have an unhappy mother than to have an uncooperative wife." I fail to agree. A man's mother is untouchable. She stands on a pedestal and we should accept that. His mother is a great person, no matter what we think. She is also a great part of his life, or at least she should be. She is also a great cook, even if you cook better.

Please, don't even think about criticizing his mother, because to begin with, you will make him mad; then you will only make him feel divided and miserable. He shouldn't have to choose between loving you and loving her, for it is totally unfair. His heart is big enough for these two distinct kinds of love.

His love is big enough that he can give it to you, his children and his mother as well. It is devastating for him to see competition between the two of you, and you, being the younger of the two, please, learn to respect the person who raised him so he could be who he is for you. And, if you think you can do a better job parenting, do so with your children.

My deceased mother-in-law, used to come to my house carrying a bag of old bread. She would hand it to me saying: "Here. I know there is no food in this house." How did I feel about that? Furious. Though I now understand she was jealous of me, I could never understand why she was so mean. She hurt me more than once. Still, I should have been more careful when criticizing her to my ex-husband.

Now, my living mother-in-law, on a visit, started cleaning my house her way, and scolded me saying that her son deserved a cleaner house. She didn't know my husband was the one doing the cleaning because I had to care for our infant. She hurt me. Still, I should have been more careful when criticizing her to my ex-husband.

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However, each of them was generous their own way. The American one, once traveled from Illinois to upstate New York on a huge moving truck, to bring us some inherited furniture from her family. I appreciated that then, as I do it now. It is all a matter of accepting such a special person as she is. Remember, we might be in the same shoes some day.

As far as mother-in-laws go, I think the only one I know that was truly appreciated and loved by sons- and daughters-in law equally, was my mother. She knew how to please our husbands and wives, for she wanted to keep her family together. Up to date, there is not one ex-boy/girl friend or ex-wife/husband who can't help but remember her with the utmost care and love. I just wish I'd do the same for my son.

The concern of many mothers is that they feel they lose their children when they marry and that can be hard for them. Alex, my son, is only 16 and I am already telling him that I will not let him marry any girl; I need to approve. Of course, this is naïve of me, and the way I am, I am not sure I will approve of anyone. Mothers are very endearing and can be very problematic and overbearing. Nevertheless, we need to learn to respect them for who they are. It is the least we need to do for our spouses.

A joke for you:

Fred and his family were having dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Fred received his plate he started eating right away.

"Fred, wait until we say our prayer."

"I don't have to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted.

"We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"But that's at our house," Fred explained, "this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."

A Word of Advice:

Ladies and Gents: Never, ever, accept a negative criticism about your mother, even if it is true. It won't solve any problem; on the contrary, it may aggravate it. Do, however, hear what your spouse has to say in a very gentle way about your mother, and, if absolutely necessary, then, have them both speak with each other to solve their differences.

Do not interfere or you will get hurt and you don't deserve that. Also, never, ever, forbid your children to visit their grandmothers, unless there is a history of drinking, drugs, violence, and/or neglected guns in their homes.

Ladies: Encourage your man to visit his mother alone, every so often. She will be grateful and you will feel like a million dollars.

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Marriage can be regarded as one of the most revered bonds to be made between two people; no matter what country they are from or what culture they grew up with. Unfortunately, marriages fail way more often than they should. The failure rate of marriages in some states has reached up to a whopping 87%! If your marriage is failing and you are doing all in your power to stop it from happening, I would consider you quite noble.

Saving your marriage is certainly not easy to do. I have been in a situation like this and I'll share my experience with you. I have been through quite some pain and heartache that you are probably going through at the moment. Watching your marriage fall to pieces in front of you can be devastating. After all, you've spent too much time and effort into this relationship only to see it fall apart so quickly. At the time, I was extremely desperate to get my wife to stay and unfortunately made the wrong moves.

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I let my emotions get the best of me and I did not think rationally. I did what my emotions were telling me to do. I begged and cried for my wife to stay - A big mistake. You should never ever let this happen to you. This only makes you appear weak and desolate. Do you think your spouse wants someone with those qualities? Surely not.

It is vital that you keep your emotions in check and don't allow them to make the decisions for you. I was able to save my marriage by finding this out in time. If I can do it, you can as well. I'll tell you once again that acting desperate never ever works in the end. Don't allow yourself to be this way and you've made your first step in getting your marriage back on track.

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Help! Your marriage is in trouble, and the possibility of divorce is looming in your future. When you first married you promised yourself that you were going to make it work and that you weren't going to become a divorce statistic, but now your relationship has deteriorated to the point that you aren't sure it can be salvaged. Sure you're sad, because this isn't what you wanted, and you feel alone and confused and really don't know where to turn for answers even though your heart is screaming that you want to save marriage from divorce.

Most people consider their marriage to be a precious institution, and few want it to end. The savvy marrieds realize that their relationship is going to have hills and valleys along with a few mountains and gorges. During the good times, they build and solidify their union so that they are able to support each other when the bad times come. That's what the traditional marriage vows mean when they say, "For better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health." Unfortunately, many people who marry do not commit themselves in this way. They just say the words without meaning and end up needing help holding things together.

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Why do some people find it very difficult to forgive? This could be explained through a syndrome called the 'emotional broken arm', which is based from a book on marriage counseling. When your partner hurts you emotionally, sometimes you cannot understand why that act was committed against you and to fully understand this, open your mind on the subject matter of emotional broken arm.

When you're whole as a person and something comes up, you take it with a grain of salt. You do not have the tendency to react negatively to the situation. In some instances, you may talk to your partner and be open that you have been hurt emotionally, but not to the level of heavy confrontation. You may argue, but not in a calm manner where you can peacefully talk things out and resolve the problem. However, when you have an emotional broken arm, your reaction is usually less subdued to the point of intense argument and confrontation.

What Causes It?

Based on the book on marriage counseling, this usually stems from a negative experience from the past wherein the person was subjected to a deep emotional pain - either from childhood past or from previous relationships.

There were some issues in the past that have not been completely resolved which led to this. The person then learns to have a defensive act every time arguments arise between couples.

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So each time a mistake is committed on the person with an emotional broken arm, that person breaks down easily and usually bursts with extreme reactions. There might be explosive confrontations which usually lead to unresolved conflicts, according to the book on marriage counseling. It's difficult to have a smooth conversation when one of the spouses is in a state of extreme anger which often leads to saying things that even worsen the situation. That can be resolved by:

• Understanding your spouse's emotional broken arm

When you are faced with a scenario of conflict, try to understand where your spouse is coming from. Try to be very calm and avoid being emotional, yourself. This will even heat up the argument and instead of resolving your conflict, it is all the more that it will lead to deeper hurts and inability to forgive and move on. In the marriage counseling book, it is stated that you have to be very understanding of your spouse's shortcomings, and this includes the emotional broken arm.

• Controlling your emotional broken arm

If you are the one who has the issue of emotional broken arm, try your very best to be less emotional and confrontational. Anger management is the key to a successful marriage. It is not easy to calm down your own demons, but if you persevere for the sake of saving your marriage, then you will reach that point of being objective when confronted with a marital dispute.

Marriage counseling is a good way to understand yourself and your spouse's shortcomings. If faced with marital disputes, the best way to handle it is to stay calm and remain objective.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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