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Stuck in the Same Controlling Relationship? Heal Your Childhood Wounds First
Posted in Healthy Relatio... by Susan Quinn on Oct 19, 2011
Many women think that if they can just meet the right man, their life will be perfect thereafter. This could be true in some cases, but have you or people you know, kept creating the same type relationship (fraught with fighting and trying to control each other until the relationship has turned into a struggle and is no longer fun and satisfying) with every guy you meet?

We certainly don't intend for this to happen, but it is the ultimate result of trying to control another person. What causes the most conflict with couples is the fact that we unconsciously look to our partner to heal wounds from the past. Even though we are not conscious of this urge to get our partner to provide the nurturing and attention that we desperately wanted from a parent (but did not get,) we are doomed to repeat this pattern until the original wound is healed.

This will not work for 2 reasons: First we can’t get a significant other to heal our wounds because it is an inside job (they can't do it even if they wanted to.) Also it puts too much pressure on a relationship to expect that.

The best we can do in a relationship is to manage our own hurts and insecurities; and when we can do this for ourselves, only then can we be free to truly love and appreciate the other person. Only when we are finally free of our own neediness are we available to show interest, acceptance and support for our partner. For a relationship to flourish we must have these 3 things present in the relationship. If any one of these qualities is missing in the relationship, it will not be happy and fulfilling.

If you are struggling with relationships and want to create a happy, fulfilling relationship, you will have to heal the childhood wounds first.

To learn more about one way to heal these childhood wounds once and for all see my blog at

- Susan Quinn

Author's Bio: 

Susan Quinn is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach in Beverly Hills for the last 20 years. Call her for a free consultation at 310-600-3458.