How To Support Husband Under Stress: Secret on How To Deal With Marriage Stress

Having a happy and fulfilling marriage takes more than love. Many couples fail to realize this which is partly why the divorce rate continues to rise. One of the biggest contributors to failed marriages is stress and there are many different forms this stress can take. When stress in a marriage is causing problems it is important for both partners to take a step back and look at how they can fix the problem rather than allowing it to destroy their marriage.

Stress in a marriage can arise from any number of issues including finances, household responsibilities, or old hurts that have not been talked about. This article will discuss some of the most common causes of stress in a marriage and what you can do to help alleviate them and get your marriage back on track.

Probably the largest contributing factor to stress in a marriage is financial troubles. When there is not enough money to pay the bills or get the things that you need to live it can cause an enormous amount of stress. It can also lead to blaming, shaming or arguments that can slowly eat away at a marriage. When financial troubles strike it is important to sit down together and work out a solution in a calm and rational manner.

Together you should discuss your options, various ways you might be able to eliminate the financial problem, changes you can make to your budget or a plan of how you are going to deal with not having enough money. It is important not to try to assign blame during this phase or make either partner feel guilty or like they are not contributing enough. By working through financial problems together neither partner will feel that the financial responsibility is all their own or that they are being left out of the decision making.

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Another large contributing factor to stress in a marriage are everyday household responsibilities. This usually becomes an even bigger issue in a marriage once children are part of the equation. Tasks like cooking, cleaning, taking the kids places, and laundry are all time consuming. In order for a marriage to work it is important to share in these responsibilities together. No one partner should have to do it all or they will begin to feel put upon and under appreciated.

If you are feeling overburdened with household responsibilities you should let your partner know and talk with them about how to alleviate that stress. Remember to talk in a calm fashion without blaming or implying that it is the other person's fault. Try talking about your feelings rather than what your partner did or didn't do.

Old hurts can last a long time if they are not talked about and can cause stress in a marriage. If your partner did or said something to hurt you long ago (or even recently) you need to talk with them about it and let them know how it made you feel. Often times people make mistakes and say or do something stupid that they don't even realize has hurt you.

Rather than harboring feelings of resentment over it, talk with them about how they hurt you and how what they said or did made you feel. They will get a better understanding of how not to hurt you in the future and you will feel better after having talked about it.

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As relationships go through changes, our perception of our partner changes with it. We begin to form expectations based on past behavior and when something happens out of the ordinary it can be stressful. This is typically where marriage problems begin to occur. Something changes in the relationship and it throws everything else off of the tracks. Overcoming these problems requires both sides to come together and focus on the same goal. Here are some strategies for getting on the same page with your spouse.

One of the keys to successfully dealing with spouse conflict is to be flexible in this time of trouble. People become more irritable and require more space during stressful situations. If your marriage is suffering because of money or family problems, then make sure you tackle the issues diplomatically. You don't want to force a decision on your spouse that may not agree with. Be flexible and find the answers together.

Being supportive and patient is another important aspect of surviving marriage problems. Sometimes we can put too much emphasis on our own lives which leaves us blind to our spouses needs. While you don't want to look past issues that are causing the family unnecessary stress, make sure you are providing your souse with enough support to work through the problem. It is safe to say that you both want what is best for everyone, but sometimes this takes a little time to achieve.

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Communication in times of conflict is essential to turning things around. Unfortunately, many people try to turn away from the daily stress of their troubled marriage. They assume that by not saying anything they won't disrupt the balance of things. The problem with this approach is that nothing will ever be corrected unless you talk about the issues. It may not be easy to bring things up under every circumstance, but by making the effort to discuss the issues out into the open is the only way to begin working on a solution.

Forgiveness is a word that is used to signify granting someone absolution after they have negatively affected your relationship. But when it comes to marriages, forgiveness becomes more of a two way street. It should be obvious how important it is to look past your spouses mistakes and focus on their attributes. What is not as obvious however, is the importance to forgive yourself. Sometimes we hold on to the pain of our own mistakes and this leads to bitterness and depression which hurts the marriage. Let go of the regrets you have and prepare to write the best chapters of your life in the future.

Dealing with marriage problems is not as simple as pushing a button. Depending on your situation, there are many things to consider when resolving a conflict. But no matter what is involved with your dispute, the same principles apply to fixing the issue.

Communication, patience, and forgiveness will help you get past the barriers between you and your spouse. From there you need to devote yourself to the love that carried you to where you are today.

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There are two rules you have to follow in order to have an extraordinary marriage. Every day, ordinary people just like you and me, as successful and happy days in marriage. Many people are forgetting how to do this or have never learned in the first place. Divorce rates are at an all-time high and they are continuing to rise. If we are ever going to do anything about this statistic, now is the time.

You must have the right attitude and approach to marriage in order to attain happiness. Harmony does not happen overnight by itself. It is a constant work in progress with you and your significant other. Seeking happiness and harmony together with your significant other are two wonderful goals you should have. You can have these and much more if you follow the two following rules.

The first rule of thumb is to always bring an optimistic attitude towards the relationship. No matter where the relationship is currently or how bad it has been in the past, you have to believe you can take actions to make your marriage better. Marriage takes work and commitment from both parties. Everyone experiences different issues throughout their marriage, but the common factor for successful marriages is that two people are willing to do the work.

The second rule of thumb is to remember that happiness and harmony are attainable. There is only one way that you can reach happiness and harmony in marriage and that is through compromise. This compromise has to occur on a daily basis, not just occasionally or when you feel like it. Both partners have to give and take in a relationship. It is a two-way street, so you must go down both ways equally. If you are selfish and not willing to compromise, chances are your marriage will not work out.

Each day you wake up, you must hope for a better day any more successful marriage. Remind yourself that you want to share your life with your mate and that both must have an optimistic attitude and be willing to take action to move towards happiness and harmony. Having a happy and satisfying relationship with the person you love is possible. Follow the two rules stated above and you will have a great chance of success in your marriage. Don't forget, it all starts with you and your attitude each and every morning you awake. You must look for the positive and good each and every day.

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"When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other." ~ Alan Alda

A survey of divorced couples shows that only 1% had even sought help from a marriage counselor. Another study found that the average distressed couple waited 6 years before making a call to a relationship professional.

People wouldn't wait 6 minutes to relieve the pain of a broken arm, but couples will wait six years to treat a broken marriage because they THINK they've failed! And, they think marriage counseling will do no good. The couples counseling industry is definitely in need of a public relationship makeover!

The problem with waiting 6 years is that it spells disaster for couples - 6 years of frustration, 6 years of fighting the same dumb fight over and over again. Six years of emotional disconnection, six years of hopelessness and helplessness. How could anyone be expected to hold on to hope after 6 years of pain?

Couples counseling CAN save your a "lousy" marriage AND enhance a decent one. As a matter of fact, I think every relationship could use some education, a relationship map, and a set of tools.

Further, sessions with a couples counselor are obviously not like a day at the beach. However, counseling can utilize playfulness and humor for therapeutic purposes! To borrow a famous quote, " Marriage can be a tragedy to those who feel, but comedy to those who think!"

The most important tool a couples counselor can use to help couples gain insight and perspective is humor. Humor softens tension between two partners. Humor invokes a more gentle and playful mood for a couple, it really brings out the natural "we." Humor enables clients to shift from the "reactor" to the "observer" in their drama and thus is a very powerful mindfulness tool.

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Further, humor in couples counseling sessions is an immediate state changer four couples and helps relax and de-escalate conflict. Neuroscientists have found that laughter actually influences both sides of the brain, our emotional mind and our thinking mind. Therefore, humor is a wonderful tool for couples to use to get their messages across to one another without resistance. And, we all learn more when we are having fun.

Here is an example of what I am talking about. I have a big, red ball in my office. It's about 20 inches across and has "Big Ball of Blame" written across it. When a new couple walks into my office, I often see a little smile cross their faces when they see it. I mean, who doesn't have a festering ball of blame somewhere in their relationship. They get it. And they also get that I may approach all this a little differently.

When a person gets into a blaming rant in a session, and that can be quite often, I make them hold the "Big Ball of Blame" while they are talking. A variation on this is that I will place the ball between the couple and point to it saying, "This "thing" - the BLAME - is what is coming in between the two of you" This helps a couple shift from their "You verses Me" positions to Us verses "The Big Ball of Blame" stance.

I also have a pair of foam swords leaning up against the wall in my office. When new couples spy the swords, you usually see the glint in their eyes as they ask, "When can we play with the swords." And, if the other partner laughs, it's a very good sign! If a couple can still play together, they still have great passion potential.

I use the swords also when I demonstrate how they are pushing each other, rather than doing what they truly want which is to pull each other closer. I ask couples, "what does it feel like to ask for love with a weapon in your hands?" When a couple gets into a "Dumb Fight" - conflict that is mindless and unproductive - I give them an opportunity to experience their negative dumb fight "duels" in a whole new way. Trust me. They get it!

Couple counseling will give you hope, it can normalize your conflicts, because all couples have differences. Counseling provides you with solutions and tools. And last but not least, counseling that employs a sense of humor can actually be FUN. I have many couples who tell me that they enjoy coming to sessions for the insight, the bonding, and the psychological release of laughter.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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