How To Understand Your Spouse: How To Understand Your Partner's Personality

Keeping the Love Alive

You'd think that after years of marriage, communicating with your partner would be easy. It seems as though the longer you were together, the more marriage intimacy you'd share. Unfortunately becoming and remaining close to your partner don't happen magically. If you want your marriage to be a success in the long term, you must be sure to find ways to keep the love alive.

One of the most effective ways to improve your marriage is through open communication. Don't make the mistake of thinking that talking and listening is all it takes to effectively communicate. The most important part of communication is not listening - it's understanding. It's not enough to sit quietly and let your partner have their piece. You must take active steps to fully understand where they're coming from and what they would like from you.

Listen Under the Words

As you have a conversation with your spouse about the state of your marriage, be sure that you're listening to what they mean - and not what you think they mean. When you partner says to you, "I need some alone time," you might first think that they're rejecting you. It might seem to you as though what they're really saying is that they don't value the time you spend together and that there are other things they'd rather do than spend time with you.

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It's likely that what they really meant was just what they said. To better understand, consider your favorite food. Perhaps you love chocolate like nothing else. You prefer desserts with chocolate over all over desserts. Does that mean that you don't occasionally want a caramel sundae? Your relationship is the same way. Just because your partner occasionally wants to spend a night out with their friends, or a quiet evening alone with a good book, that doesn't mean that they love you any less.

Of course this is just one example of a conversation about a lack of marriage intimacy, but you can use this principle for virtually any problem they might bring up. When they tell you something, don't let your own insecurities or issues cloud your understanding. If you're not sure that you understand their feelings, ask questions to clarify the situation.

Once you think you do understand what they're saying, tell them what you've heard. This serves two purposes. First, it confirms that you have understood them. Second, it helps them know that they're understood. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to get your point across and not thinking that you're really being heard. Let your partner know that you've heard them, you've understood them and that you're willing to work with them to come up with solutions about anything that concerns them.

Do unto Others...

Remember that improving your marriage intimacy is a two way street. If you want your partner to listen to your troubles and to respond in a positive way, you need to be willing to do so yourself. Start by listening to them and focusing on making sure you truly understand where they're coming from. Once you both understand each other, you'll find it much easier to come up with solutions to your problems that will be satisfying to both of you.

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In the past, a marriage used to be a sacred union. People considered this issue seriously and when they decided to enter a marriage, they stayed married until death do they part. Unfortunately, this paradigm has shifted and turned ugly over the years. These days, people lose their sense of commitment and they consider marriage lightly. When they feel that the marriage does not progress according to what they want, they easily decide to divorce. Surprisingly, the system also supports this new thinking. You can see many ads promoting divorce lawyers and moreover the process of divorce has become much simpler nowadays.

If you are also facing problems in your marriage and you are considering several options to save your marriage, then this is a good sign. It means that you are willing to do something to improve the situation rather than breaking up the relationship. This article gives several aspects that you need to consider on why you should fight to save your marriage. These aspects will guide you so you can make the right decision for your future.

Remember the first love that you have shared

At some point in the past, you and your spouse were deep in love. You always wanted to be near him or her. You thought that he or she would be the perfect partner for you and you could not bear losing him or her. Your love was burning and at last you decided to get married. These are the things that you need to rekindle again. Remember the first love that you have shared and have bonded you together. Perhaps you have heard that love is eternal. It is true if you keep working at it. Even the most passionate love will flutter if you do not maintain the passion. Therefore, you and your spouse should work together to find this first love again. Marriage involves two people and it takes the effort of two people to keep it from breaking apart.

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Remember the responsibilities that come with marriage

When you decided to get married, you have vowed in front of God and all the people who were present in your wedding to live together. This is a responsibility that you need to keep in your mind when you are facing problems in your marriage. It is your responsibility to save your marriage when problems arise. You have promised and committed to stay married even when the situation is dire. Remember the vow and remember what you have promised to your spouse. The two of you should work together to make the marriage work.

Remember the wellbeing of your children

Think about your children. Think about how they will feel if their parents decide to get a divorce. They will feel betrayed and some will even blame themselves for the situation where in reality you are the one who should be responsible. Your children are innocent and a divorce can be destructive to their emotions. They need to enjoy a stability of a family and they need both mom and dad to guide them as they grow up. Therefore, do not be selfish and act harshly. Remember the consequences of your action. It is definitely worth the effort to save your marriage for the sake of the children.

In some special cases, a divorce is the right thing to do. These special cases usually involve spousal or child abuse. In this situation you should protect your life and the lives of your children. Other than these cases, you need to work together to save your marriage. Keep in mind the three aspects that have been discussed here. Remember the first love, remember the responsibilities that come with a marriage, and remember the wellbeing of your children. Hopefully these three aspects can convince you to keep fighting to save your marriage.

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You want to surprise your spouse this Valentine's Day but don't have much of a budget. You want to make them feel special but can't think of spending too much as your financial conditions do not allow you to do so. If these have been your worries for past few days then stop worrying and read this.

Valentine's Day is the day to express your love and love definitely does not come with an attached price tag. So even if you don't have a big budget you don't have to worry. Here are some ideas to help you in planning a great surprise for your loved one without spending too much.

1. Leave love notes

You can leave hand written notes on a fancy paper, decorate them with trimmings like lace, ribbons, and decorate them with small hearts made by felt pen. A great surprise for your spouse as there is a personal touch to it. Your thoughtfulness will really be appreciated.

2. Write a long love letter

Revive the lost art of writing a love letter. All you will need is a fancy letter pad, a nice pen (fountain pen is the best), some fancy envelops, felt pens, some glue, little hearts to decorate your letter with and a spray of your favourite perfume (the one that you use daily is ideal) the idea of using a perfume is to make your spouse remind them of your closeness. Now pour your heart on to the letter pad. You can also take the help of Internet. Choose some nice love quotes, or poems or even letters from the net and write them in your handwriting to make it more personal.

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3. Flowers

There is something really romantic about flowers. You can either send it through the delivery boy at their office, or you can put it their car. A single red rose bud on their bedside with a small note will surely surprise them and will also bring a smile to their lips.

4. Chocolates

Can you ever think about Valentine's Day without thinking about chocolates? Those dark nuts filled temptations can lure and surprise anybody. With a wide variety of them available you can choose from Swiss chocolates to Ferrero chocolates - the rich creamy chocolates are an ideal way to surprise your spouse without spending too much. In fact if you are little familiar with cooking and baking you can even bake delicious chocolates in your home. Get the heart shaped ones to celebrate the festivity of the day.

5. Musical card or e-card

Well you can choose from either of the two. A musical card with a romantic song will surely get you some points and touch their hearts. Although an e-card can also do that trick, however there is something more personal about a greeting card. What say?

6. Plan for a movie

Book the tickets for an evening show of a romantic movie or get the DVD at home. Brew some nice coffee and popcorn and cuddle with your love for a romantic evening. They will not be surprised but will also be touched by your sensitivity.

7. Stuffed animal

Women just love those cute looking cuddly teddy bears. And if those stuffed animals have some romantic messages like 'be my valentine' or 'I Love You' written on them, then be assured that you have hit a jackpot with your lady love.

8. Candies

Buy the heart shaped candies in reds and pinks and put them in either a crystal or a glass bowl, wrap them with a transparent cellophane paper and keep it where they can discover it easily.

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9. Home cooked meal

Nothing can beat a home cooked meal. Surprise your spouse with your culinary skills. You don't have to be a cordon bleu chef to cook a meal. Just rustle some hot soup, some green salad, chicken or cheese (depending upon the fact that whether you are a non vegetarian or a non vegetarian), and voila you are ready for a romantic home made meal. Don't forget the table settings though. You can add some small sandwiches, and any other thing that you can manage to cook.

10. Hand made card

Alright! So you don't want to spend on a musical card and you don't want to send an e-card. So then take a chart paper and if you are good at drawing then draw a heart and some cupids with the bow and arrow, decorate it with ribbons, lace, and shimmer and write a nice loving message to your sweetheart. They will surely be surprised and touched by your efforts.

11. Message in a bottle

Old way of saying I Love You, but still as romantic as ever! Put a love note in a bottle and tie the bottle with a ribbon. Now role the bottle wherever your spouse is sitting.

12. Perfume or cologne

These days a bottle of perfume or cologne does not cost much and makes for an ideal surprise gift for your spouse. Wrap it in a nice paper and tie it with a ribbon and note hanging from the ribbon.

13. I Love you gift

There are so many I Love You gifts available or you can make your own I Love You gift to surprise your spouse. Buy heart shape jewellery as I love you gift for your wife, paint a glass with glass paint for I love you gift for your husband.

14. Sexy lingerie

Okay! This is only for ladies so buy sexy lingerie for her and see the surprise on her face.

15. Framed picture

This one is really easy and all you will need is a nice picture of yourself and your spouse, get a nice frame (you can get a heart shape frame) put the picture in it and voila your framed picture is ready to be gifted to your spouse.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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