How To Win Your Husband From His Mother: How To Control Husband From His Mother

The issue of mother-in-laws is one which many wives wish does not exist in marriages. This is because it is the bane of many ailing in most marriages.

Many daughters-in- law dislike their husband's mother and very few daughters-in- law have something good to say about their mothers-in- law. How come some spinsters wish they marry a man without a mother? The issue is that many wives see their mothers-in-law as overbearing, busybodies, and their greatest rival.

The question here is, are mothers-in-law really bad?

Findings have shown that there is usually an unending raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law. There are two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on one hand and the mother-in-law on the other hand.

The Wife and Her Husband

Many wives especially in Africa come into marriage fully prepared for battle based on the pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must be put to their right places. Hence, they have formed an opinion of their in-laws and have concluded that in-laws are antagonists.

A wife will believe that once her husband marries her, he must abandon his families and cleave unto her, then back it up with a bible verse which says "A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife". By their faulty interpretation of this scripture, they seem to forget that the same scripture commands that the man must honor his parents. He must continue to relate with them and provide for them. However, the relationship with them should not allow unnecessary interference in his marital affairs.

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Unfortunately, relations especially in Africa interfere unnecessarily in marital affairs. No parent or relation has the right to meddle in the marital affair of their son or else the son grants them the power to do so. But unfortunately such powers when given are abused. A man who allows undue interference in his marriage is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests such interference.

Mothers-in-law fail to realize that once their son gets married, they take the back seat while the wives take the front seat in their sons' lives.

The Mother-in-Law

A mother-in-law wants to be loved and accepted by her son even after he gets married. She wants to remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. Some mothers-in-law who have had rough and difficult marriages will probably fight hard to protect their sons.

A wife must therefore learn to tolerate, accommodate, and love her in-laws. She must be humble, friendly and show some respect to her in-laws.

How to tackle this rift.

It is important to know that the relationship with one's in-laws is a sensitive one that requires humility and tactical ways to handle without rupturing it.

It is also important to know that marital relationship is a strong one that needs a lot of patience and understanding. It is now the husband's role to ensure he plays his role effectively to manage the two women in his life without hurting either of them. He has the duty to protect his wife and also take care of his mother. He is the middleman between these two women and therefore needs a lot of wisdom to strike a balance between them.

It is the duty of the wife to maintain cordial relationship with her in-laws to give peace chance in her marriage. Maybe we don't know, a man will love and respect his wife if she loves his mother and shows it with lots of respect and humility.

Finally, the couple must ensure they guard carefully and protect their marriage against external attacks.

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It is a devastating experience when someone is on the verge of having their marriage end. All of the good memories flash through your mind and it is very easy for you to get over emotional about it. I've lived through this experience and if you are going through this right now I can feel your pain. Don't let this phase you too much as it is possible to save your marriage the same way I was able to save mine.

So cheer up because there is still hope you. Don't allow yourself to suffer from the three D's: Depression, Devastation and Desperation. These only deteriorate the state of your marriage even further.

If you happen to be in the three D's already, try your best to get out of that state of mind. Most marriages fail because a spouse gets desperate to save the marriage and tries too hard to get the job done. He or she may endlessly apologize and beg for the other spouse to stop the divorce proceedings. Avoid doing this at all costs as these actions are the real killers of marriages. It only makes you appear weak and pathetic as a spouse - qualities that no one wants in a spouse.

Once you understand human psychology a little and act accordingly you will make your first step in getting your marriage back on track. Take note that people are not interested in things that are easy to have. If you put on a pathetic show, no one will desire you. On the other hand, people are attracted to the things that they can't have.

So keep in mind that you need to be able to contain your emotions if you want to make any progress at all. From then you can take the next step - saving your marriage from ending.

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It's one of the most challenging situations you'll ever face in your life. No one is born knowing how to do it, and no guidebooks are really going to help you. Still, the largest percentage of us take the plunge at least once in our lifetimes. Yes, we all find who we think to be that perfect someone, and we get married. It's only after the initial glow wears off that we get down to the brass tacks of building a relationship and living with our chosen other. Some seem able to make it work for them, but more and more people every day are giving up and getting a divorce. Instead of just throwing in the towel, however, these people should seek the services of a marriage expert.

Obviously you don't want to consult with a so-called expert who has been through several failed marriages in their own life. And you don't want a marriage counselor who wants to waste your time and money discussing how you feel. You already know how you feel. What you're looking for is someone who can tell you how to solve the problems in your marriage, someone who knows how difficult of a task you are facing and is trained to give you advice to help you live your married life much better.

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How can that lovely person I married have turned into such a slob? After you pick up after them for months on end, you can't help but wonder why you should have to do it. What's wrong with your spouse that they think you owe it to them to clean up their messes? You've tried talking to them about it and yelling about the way things are, but you apparently don't know how to control the situation in order to reach compromises. Or say that your delightful new wife is a shopaholic, and now that you're helping to pay the bills, you can't accept her penchant for buying. You tried taking away her charge card, but she just got one of her own. You know you can't live with a person like this, but what are you going to do?

Even though these types of situations you're experiencing seem major to you, they really aren't so serious that they can't be remedied with the proper guidance. There are techniques that a relationship expert can teach you that can get your marriage running smoothly again, so why salvage what you've started to build with your spouse and have to begin all over again?

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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If you hate conflict, you could spend a long time stewing in your anger before you express it to the person who caused it. By then, your anger may have built to levels beyond reason. Or maybe you zipped off an e-mail, comforted by the fact that technology helped you avoid a face-to-face confrontation. But sometimes your relationships need that personal conversation to clear things up and move on to more enjoyable interaction. The trick is to do it without becoming so angry that you lash out and hurt the person you love.

A lot of us bottle up our anger, which is not a good thing. But it IS a good idea to think before you explode at your partner or friend. Think first why you need to tell this person you're angry. Is it to hurt them? Get revenge? Let's hope not. Instead, if you want to clear up the problem and get back to the close relationship you enjoy, then think before you speak.m

Wait until the anger has less of a grip on you. Wait until you can think clearly. Talk yourself down from your rage. It might help to check in with your body. Are your shoulders tight? Neck tense? Chest burning? Breathe deeply and calm down.

Ask yourself why you're really mad. Is it because of what your partner did or because of how you interpreted his or her actions? Be honest. Sometimes unflattering emotions are coloring your thinking. Like envy or jealousy. If so, you need to examine your own feelings. But if your partner truly did something to upset you then you need to talk with them.

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How to talk to the one who makes you mad:

1) Tell them why you are upset. Be direct without condemnation. Try to stick to the facts without re-igniting your anger. If your partner is continually late, stick to the issue. Don't dredge up past complaints that s/he lets the dishes pile up in the sink. That's not relevant at the moment.

2) Discover why they did what they did. Be open to your partner's point of view. Avoid being accusatory. If they did not discuss a major purchase with you before they spent the money, why was that? Perhaps they didn't think the purchase was as major as you did. Or there could be a whole host of reasons. Try to understand their motivation.

3) Focus on a solution. What could your partner do differently in the future to keep from upsetting you? Maybe you ask your partner to call you if s/he will be late. Or you have an agreement that you'll leave after waiting 10 minutes. If you need consultation before your partner makes a purchase, set a specific amount of money that requires discussion first. Whatever your solution, be as clear as possible.

Remember, your goal is to get to a place where your relationship is once again comfortable and happy. Learn what went wrong so you and your partner can behave differently in the future. And a big hug might be in order, too.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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