"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing." Rollo May
Empathy. This pleasant-sounding attribute—like the overlooked compliment—is one of the most important skills we can acquire.
Through empathy, we gain recognition and understanding of another person’s desires, of their beliefs and their emotions. Often described as standing in another person’s shoes or looking through the other’s eyes, empathy connects us human-to-human. Why is this quality so important in our day-to-day world?
Acting with empathy
• fosters meaningful relationships,
• reduces negative assumptions and prejudice,
• encourages honest communication and
• helps avert violence.
Empathy isn’t just about benefiting “the other guy.” Similar to the way that sharing a compliment raises the joyful, positive feelings for the person giving the compliment as much as the person receiving the compliment, practicing empathy brings a positive personal benefit. Studies have found that people high in empathy are more confident, sensitive and assertive. People who practice empathy enjoy better physical and mental health.
Now more than ever, we need to practice and model empathetic communication.
Take this quiz to see how well you practice empathy. Answer True or False to each of these statements:
A. If a friend complains about a boss at work, I’m likely to advise that person to find another job, change departments or speak up. I like to be helpful by offering solutions. ___T ___F
B. I’m always ready to offer a psychological analysis of my friends’ troubles. ___T ___F
C. If a co-worker expresses anxiety about her relationship with her husband, I’m quick to reassure her that all couples have their little problems, and that she shouldn’t worry about it. ___T ___F
D. It seems that I always know better than my friends what’s behind or unde
eath their problems. ___T ___F
E. When family members are upset about something, I find a way to distract them or change the subject. ___T ___F
F. I’m quick to remind people that plenty of others are a lot worse off than they are. ___T ___F
G. When empathizing with others, I imagine how I would feel in a given situation and assume the same would be true for them. We’re all basically the same, aren’t we? ___T ___F
How many did you answer true to?
0 – 1 TRUE: Congratulations, you practice empathy regularly!
2 – 3 TRUE: You may not always practice empathy but you have a foundation.
4 or more TRUE: You may want to practice empathy-growing strategies. Try these five strategies. Once you are able to see more through another’s eyes, you will “see” ways to recognize them with more compliments, too!
1. If you don’t know enough to understand, and empathize with, another’s dilemma, try to increase your knowledge by asking questions.
2. Recognize and remember that others are different from you; and might see and feel things differently from how you might experience the same situation. Try to look at the situation through another person’s eyes, not your own.
3. Your irritation dwindles when you begin to understand what’s going on inside them. When you start to show that you understand the other person’s experience, they will open up more.
4. Always strive to say less and listen more. Being a good, active listener helps you “get” what someone else is going through.
5. Try to focus on the other person’s feelings, rather than on actions or circumstances. When people are upset, it’s better to work through their feelings before figuring out how to solve their problems.
True empathy can only occur when we have shed preconceived ideas and judgments about others—and when we’re comfortable with others’ deep feelings. Practice how to really hear someone. Like really seeing them and complimenting them on it, these are some of the greatest gifts you can give another person.