Doc, you gotta help me!

I’m a 19 year old male, single and I haven't dated much. I’ve only been in one relationship and am now looking for a woman to be with and I just don't know where to look or even how to approach someone. My female cousins say to go to the movies, the mall, etc. but that doesn’t tell me how to find someone, approach them and ask them for a date!

Where do I go from here?


Let's start here: learning to find and approach women isn't some magic trick. It's just a skill like any other skill you learn. The problem is that you have to learn it! Very, very few guys actually take the time to learn how it's done and thus, spend years of their lives failing and eventually settling with only what they have dropped in their laps.

In fact, so many guys actually write to me asking for that very thing - how to get women to fall into their laps, do all their work for them, etc., etc., that it's no longer funny!

Here's the reality: just like animals we have our own mating and dating rituals. You want to learn how these work and then know where you can bend or break those rules to your advantage. If that seems calculated, in fact it is!

Here's a summary of the basic skills you need:

1) How and where to find women that match you well, and knowing how to figure out which ones those are.

2) Knowing how to begin the set-up

3) How to perform the initial approach

4) How to create initial interest

5) How to get a conversation going

6) How to build rapport and connection (absolutely critical because this leads directly to attraction)

7) How to illicit the sorts of responses you want based on what you want to accomplish. Specifically, there are only 3 goals in the approach: digits, and impromptu date or sex.

8) Knowing how to close for your specific goal

9) How to move things forward after the initial meeting

10) How to set up the first date

11) How to build even more rapport and connection on the date

12) How to "convert": dates to sex, sex to relationships, relationships into stronger relationships


There are other steps in between and after these as well!

That may seem like a lot to learn, but in fact, it's not. It's all part of a system you already have built right into you! What you don't yet know are the ways to bring those things out and manage them to reach your goals. This includes things like confidence, sense of humor, expressing power, etc.

The bad news is that I can't possibly teach you all these things via these messages. The great news however is that I don't have to. All of this is outlined very clearly in my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". Think of these tools as your textbooks into this game; how to play it and more important, how to win it.

This is why you get non-answers from your cousins by the way! They tell you things like "go to the mall" because they sincerely want to help, but just don't know how. Interestingly, women don't know how to approach other women! They don't have to do this, they don't learn the skills and they don't have those natural hunter-instincts built into them. They have very different ones however and you want to learn these as well since you'll be dealing with all of those as you learn your side of it.

Bottom line is this: just like you need to study the craft you plan to do as your career, you need to study this craft as well. The great news however is that once you learn these things, those skills will be with you the rest of your life. Now just where do you think you're going to spend the majority of your quality time - working behind a desk or at some job that gets repetitive and boring or in the arms of some girl that you love and that loves you because you know just how to be everything she ever wanted?

Best regards...
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at Follow me on Facebook ( and Twitter (

Copyright (c) 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 3 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 30,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to and You can also follow his micro-blog at: