As someone is an interdependent human being, it is going to mean that it is important for them to experience human contact. This is something that will have a positive effect on their wellbeing.

Nonetheless, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will experience a great deal of human contact. What can be normal is for them to spend a fair amount of time by themselves and they could have surface-level relationships with others.

How it is

Still, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of the fact that they rarely experience human contact and that their relationships lack depth. The reason for this is that their need for human contact could typically be outside of their conscious awareness.

As a result of this, this need will rarely see the light of day and thus, they generally won’t have the desire for more. This is not to say that they won’t suffer by being this way, though.

A Common Experience

Every now and then, they could end up feeling very low and empty, and they might even wonder what the purpose of their life is. If do go down this path, they could think about ending their life.

What is clear is that this will be a time when they feel deeply deprived and, although they might not know it, are desperate for human warmth. They will be like a plant that is in need of water.

Rising Up

Before long, they could end up engaging in an activity or consuming something, with this being a time when they will gradually leave the hole that they are in. It could then be business as usual.

After a number of weeks or months go by, they could end up in the same position all over again and use the same approach to rise up once more. This could be something that has been going on for a very long time.

A Different Scenario

If they were to connect to their need to experience a deeper connection and ended up seeing someone, they could soon feel the need to pull away. This is because they could end up feeling trapped and as if they have no control.

So, to have finally experienced a deeper connection with another will have been pleasurable at first but this would have soon turned into a painful experience. And, while this might have been the first time that this has happened, it might not be.

Stepping Back

If they were able to mentally detach from what is going on and reflect on their life, they might struggle to understand why they are this way. Seldom being aware of their need for others and feeling overwhelmed when they do connect to another is not going to make any sense.

At this point, they could believe that there is something inherently wrong with them. After this, what could enter their mind is that they will always be this way and that there is very little that they can do.

What’s going on?

If this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember, it is likely to show that their formative years were anything but nurturing. From the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given care, it might have largely been misattuned care.

Consequently, they would have been both deeply traumatised and deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. To handle what was going on, their brain would have automatically repressed the pain they were in and their needs.

One Option

Going into a disconnected, shut down, frozen and collapsed state was the only thing that they could do to survive. There was, of course, absolutely nothing that they could do to change what was going on.

The years would then have passed but they would have been loaded with pain and arousal and their need to connect with others will have continued to be repressed. When it comes to their need for human contact, they are likely to feel deeply ashamed of it and resent it.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, how they are as an adult is not a sign that there is something inherently wrong with them; it is a sign that they were deeply wounded as an infant, toddler and perhaps as a child. If they do judge themselves as being weak and lacking courage, for instance, what they say won’t be an accurate reflection of reality.

To change their life, they will most likely need to face and work through the pain and arousal that is inside them. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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