Husband Blames Me For Ruining His Life: I Get Blamed For Everything In My Relationship

Most wives would immediately feel upset and disappointed when their husband says he is unhappy. As someone who has perhaps been on the receiving end of this admission, you are probably no different. In actual fact though, this can be a positive thing. Why? Because he has been honest with you. It's much more worrying, and far more difficult to overcome problems when one (or both) of a couple pretend things are OK and keep going through each day not facing up to the actual reality of the situation. At a quick guess, I'd say 60-70% of married couples go through the motions without facing up to the truth, at least for a while - so being in the other 30-40% isn't a bad thing.

Where To Go From Here

How your husband actually expressed that he is unhappy could be important. Did he say it during an argument? Did he sit you down and tell you? Did he blurt it out from nowhere? If it was during an argument, he was probably on the defensive and his emotions got the better of him. If he sat down and told you, that shows great maturity and willing to be honest. If he blurted it out from nowhere, it's probably been heavy on his mind for quite some time. The second of those would be the 'best', but whichever it is, you need help getting to the bottom of things and hopefully moving forward.

Firstly, it would be really helpful to try to ascertain why he is unhappy. Perhaps he even told you. If so, that's a great starting point. If not, you can either ask him directly(that's what I'd recommend) or reflect on the last few weeks/months/years and try to figure out why. Think about all the different areas of your marriage, and even areas outside of your marriage that could be contributing to the way he currently feels.

Just because he is unhappy, doesn't mean it is your fault. First and foremost, we are all responsible for our own happiness. With that said, it would be really beneficial to take a close look at the areas you have identified that are causing him to be unhappy, and see if you can improve them. Maybe you can encourage him to spend more time pursuing his hobbies or try to make more time for physical intimacy (let's be honest here - that's one of the keys to male happiness!), or just try to make the time you spend together more enjoyable.

You Are Equally As Important

Are YOU unhappy? Maybe you felt things were going well between you and your husband and this has come as somewhat of a shock. Or maybe you feel slightly relieved because you were feeling the same as he is. Take some time to think about what you want from the marriage, and life in general. Ideally, both of you will be happy and will grow together. It can take some work to get to that point though. If you are both honest about how you feel, and why you feel that way - there is absolutely no reason why you can't claim that happiness you both crave - and deserve.

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It is natural that there are periods in all relationships when it can be difficult to see eye to eye. If you have queried "help my marriage" in your favorite search engine, you have already taken a bold step forwards. Unfortunately, many couples do not search for advice and assistance when their relationship hits turbulent water. There are a number of avenues you could explore that would allow you to rekindle lost love and put an end to the arguments that are taking place.

You should realise that over time it is natural for the gloss to disappear from a relationship. If you and your partner have been together for a number of years, you may have begun to take each other for granted. This is a big mistake and an issue that can lead to tension bubbling over. Never forget the reasons why you got together in the first place.

No matter what problems either of you have in your work life, it is essential that you always treat each other with respect and compassion. A partner is not there to absorb the negativity that has built up over a working day.

When posing the question "can I help my marriage overcome turbulent times" the answer will often come down to the amount of respect that you give and are offered. It is important to appreciate the positive aspects of your partner's personality, rather than always focusing on the negative. At the end of the day we are all only human, respect your spouse and they will reciprocate the feeling.

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When we come home from a hard day's work, we should feel grateful that our partners are there for us. Controlling emotional outbursts can make a big difference to the amount tension that is felt. When you feel anger, pause and take a deep breath.

Good communication is often the key to a long lasting and happy marriage. If you cannot effectively communicate with each other, the chance of staying together would be slim. Find time each day to sit down and talk over any issues that may lead to an argument if they were kept bottled up inside. It is vital to be a good listener, always try to see a problem from the others person's viewpoint and not just your own.

It can happen that the longer you and your partner stay together, the less time is spent relaxing on vacation. If you feel that there is tension and problems building up, these can quickly be removed by booking a romantic weekend away. A change of scenery can help to put any issues into perspective. If you have kids, ask a relative if they can look after them while you and your spouse take a break.

You may find it worthwhile attending a few meetings with a marriage guidance counsellor. Professional counselling sessions can give you and your husband or wife the opportunity to speak openly without fear of recrimination. A marriage guidance counsellor would be able to respond professionally when you ask them can you help my marriage. They are trained in methods that would allow a couple to see any problems that exist from a different angle and put forward solutions you may not have considered.

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Some of my friends refer to marriage as an institution. If you are interested in making the marriage work then it might help to try and look at it from this point of view as well. Let's forget feelings and emotions for a while. There are certain unwritten down rules that govern a marriage and should be followed.

In a healthy marriage there should be mutual respect for each other. As a husband or wife we have our different roles to play; let's respect those roles. It's very hard for problems to creep in on a self respecting couple. You should know that you are responsible to your partner and your partner is responsible to you. None of your business should not feature at all in a marriage.

Making the marriage work is not an easy task. But once you learn to do some of these things out of habit; it will become easy. Teach yourself how to take a step back; do not always be confronting problems in emotional states. Whether its anger, hurt or disappointment. When you tackle problems in emotional states you are likely to say things you do not mean and can never take back.

The way you handle problems and difficulty will impact the relationship. Once someone has admitted responsibility do not dwell on the matter but rather look for ways of finding a solution. Wasting time and pointing fingers does very little to help.

If you want ways of making the marriage work then get information from happily married couples. Believe me they are a lot. Find out the little secret ingredients they put into a relationship to make it work.

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Are you living in a miserable unhappy marriage? If you are, you are not alone. There are hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands and yes even millions of women living a life of Hell! Some because they are afraid to leave, some because they think they have nowhere to go and some stay by choice because they don't want to give up the so called good life that they have come to know and become accustomed to and are afraid of losing what they have.

If the life you are Living is as Smooth As Silk and as Soft as a Baby's Bottom, then my articles will not be for you, You are One in a Million. If however you can relate simply from reading the first sentence, READ ON this Bud's For You.

My upcoming articles pertain to some of the toughest subjects to discuss about married life, everything from Finances, (always the biggest), to Alcoholism, Addictions, Abuse, Cultural Differences and Adultery.

This is only meant to make other women aware of the misery and hardships that many of us face, those of us who are well aware of the misery of what living in an unhappy miserable marriage can, has and will do to your health and sane state of mind. Verbal conflicts that are well and long forgotten by men but well remembered by us, tit for tat, word for word. Words that have left emotional scars. Physical abuse that have left bodily scars, the unforgettable, unforgivable adultery that has done nothing for your self-esteem.

When you are living in a miserable marriage, it not only contributes to the deterioration of your health but your sense of value and self-esteem.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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