Husband Changed After Marriage: Husband Changed Personality

When you first marry it is so easy to just gloss over what you know are differences. So you begin your marriage full of hope and with the belief that whatever problems may arise will be handled as a couple. You perceive your spouse to be a certain kind of person who will act a certain way. You begin your life together and just deal with the day to day issues the best you can.

As time goes by many couples discover they are not as compatible as they thought when first married. During the early years of the marriage most couples work hard to make the relationship work. A man and woman are more tolerant of each other's peculiarities. You come to expect your spouse to act a certain way and can even get to the point where you are able to predict behavior.

No one stays exactly the same as the years go by. Priorities and needs change. It is not so much that the person changes, but it is what the person requires to satisfy particular needs that changes. This can be difficult for a spouse to understand sometimes. As a result a husband or wife may come to believe their spouse has changed in ways they can't understand and it causes problems in the marriage.

Seeking Harmony

If you perceive distance growing between you and your spouse it may be because the two of you have not spent time nurturing your relationship. Those compatibility issues that were glossed over in the early years of the marriage are bound to eventually come to light. It's easy to say, "Oh...he's changed!" and not really take the time to evaluate if he's changed or if you are just not reading the situation correctly.

There are many different areas where you need to maintain compatibility. There is not a marriage in the world where a couple is perfectly compatible. For example, you may not agree on how much time to spend on social activities or you may have different opinions about religious issues. On the other hand, you may have started with the same views and those views have changed over time.

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When a spouse is perceived as having changed, it can cause problems if the couple does not talk about the perceived changes. Silence can cause more problems in a marriage than anything else. If a spouse begins to act differently it probably has nothing to do with you or the marriage. It is just a sign of maturing and of changing priorities. Chances are you appear to be changing also, yet you would swear you are exactly the way you have always been.

Unlike having a major argument, perceived changes in a spouse is an intangible that can be difficult to pinpoint in many ways. A spouse can become sullen, more critical, less sociable, desire less sex or become more resistant to change. Dealing with these kinds of changes means having open and honest discussions so you can have a good understanding of what your spouse is thinking and feeling. The goal is to maintain harmony and equilibrium in the marriage and not just tell yourself your spouse has changed and its his or her problem.

Finding Common Ground

A marriage is always a work in progress. It is never static because it is made of humans with changing needs and issues. When you come to believe your spouse has changed over time, it's time to explore your relationship with your spouse. Honest and open communication is the cornerstone of every successful marriage. You should explain your perceptions to your spouse and then let him or her respond. If you listen carefully, you will probably discover it is the same person you married but his or her needs have changed and are not being met.

From the point of discussion you and your spouse can then begin to seek ways to blend your new needs into the framework of your marriage. These needs can include the desire for more sexual relations or the desire to spend time on more community involvement. You may want to see more signs of affection or appreciation or would like to revamp financial goals. When people feel frustrated because they can't meet the most important needs in their lives, it can appear they have changed. It's amazing how often people live together for years and are reluctant to bring up important topics out of fear the conversation will just turn into an argument.

Has your spouse changed? The answer is he or she probably has not changed, but the needs have changed. Changing your perception can lead to a stronger and healthier marriage.

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Jeff and Debbie are dating, and things are going very well. So well, in fact, that they are seriously discussing marriage.

There's just one thing. Debbie does a lot of volunteering with troubled teenagers. Her apartment has become a "home away from home" for some of the girls, and she wants that to continue after she's married, as well. While Jeff admires Debbie's volunteer work and her dedication to the teenagers she helps, he values the privacy of a home, and doesn't want his to turn into a halfway house.

Jeff is sure that, once they're married, Debbie will see how beautiful it is when a couple saves their time at home for each other and guards their privacy, and will curtail her "open-house" policy. Debbie, for her part, is sure that once she and Jeff are married, he will see how beautiful it is when a couple gives up some of their privacy in order to help those who are not as fortunate, and will be more than happy to adopt an "open-house" policy for her teenage friends..

Jeff and Debbie get married.
Four months later, they're in counseling.
Because they didn't know the truth that could have saved them:
Never get married expecting your partner to change.

One of the major reasons people are unhappy after they get married is that they expect the person they are dating to change after marriage. Therefore, the most important question to ask yourself when you're dating someone is: "Can I live with this person the way they are?" If the answer is no, then don't get married. If there's something that you don't like about the person, something that you wish would change in the future, then you'd better ask yourself some serious questions because you're setting yourself up for a potential mistake.

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People have to be accepted the way they are. If there is something about your dating partner that you dislike or disagree with, and the issue is an important one, realize that whatever it is it's here to stay. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you'll be able to change them after you get married. That's the mistake that Jeff and Debbie made, and that's the reason why, just four months after a beautiful wedding, they found themselves in a marriage counselor's office.

Does that mean that you and your potential spouse must agree on absolutely everything? Of course not. But you do need to agree on the basics, on the important things that are going to make a difference in your life - things like values, lifestyle, religion, your ideas about home and family. If the person you're dating really seems to be the one for you except for one issue, then you can try to reach a compromise that both of you can live with. But if you don't, and you disagree on major issues like these, then you're setting the stage for major conflicts, which are obviously not conducive to a loving marriage.

So remember the sentence that could save your life: Never get married expecting your partner to change.

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When problems arise in a marriage, it is all too easy to brush them under the carpet and try to carry on as normal, this would be a huge mistake as leaving any issue unaddressed can allow for arguments and conflicts to fester and develop. If you want to get a relationship back on track, you may find the following advice and tips extremely useful.

First of all, it is important to be aware that disagreements are natural in a marriage, at the end of the day, you and your partner are both individuals and are likely to have different ideas and viewpoints. It is essential to respect and love one another even if you do not always agree.

For many couples, stress and arguments can be caused by financial worries. If this is a situation that sounds all too real, the solution may lie in trying to bring about a change in the atmosphere. When bills are mounting up and creditors knock on door, address the problems in a mature and logical fashion. Never resort to blame, as this can only increase the divide that exists.

To get a relationship back to its original level of love and trust would require an in depth analysis of your own weaknesses and faults. Understand why it is that your partner is reacting in the way that they are, maybe there are certain habits you can change that would help to improve the overall situation. Remember that being together involves give and take from both parties.

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Empathy is essential in a healthy marriage. Try to analyze why your partner feels drained and exhausted after a hard days work, and be compassionate to their problems. It is also important to choose the right moment to discuss your own concerns, do not do so the moment your husband or wife walks in through the door.

A solution that can help bring people together and get them communicating effectively often involves giving each other adequate space. Perhaps your spouse is feeling crushed by the burden you place on them, you may find that be allowing them some space to be alone, they can sort out the mental concerns that are troubling them.

Negativity breeds negativity, of this you can be certain. Always try your best to be upbeat and positive and to make you partner laugh. At the end of the day, work troubles and financial issues are not as important as our health and wellbeing. Creating a positive atmosphere can be the key to a more successful life together when you get your relationship back.

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When it comes to marriage dos and don'ts quite a long list comes to mind. But there are some principles that are now essential and should be present in a marriage. In the following paragraphs I will mention some of them and talk about them briefly. One thing you should do is spend time together.

The easiest way for a couple to grow apart is when they not spending time together. If you have no idea what's happening in your partners life; you will become strangers to each other and before long all you will be saying is good morning and good evening to each other and eventually goodbye.

Don't let that be you. Constantly re-affirm your love and commitment to your partner. The three words your spouse will never get tired of hearing are 'I love you'. Don't assume your partner knows you love them and there is no need to say it. Also top of the list on marriage dos and don'ts is that don't make assumptions about any situation.

If you've heard or been told something about your partner don't assume it's true. Get your facts right. When you have an argument about something do not waste time trying to get your spouse to accept the blame. Rather show them your willingness to forgive and fix the situation.

One of the most important things when it comes to marriage dos and don'ts... Do learn conflict resolution. Unresolved fights will always come up in future arguments. I would recommend that you get as much information as you can on marriage issues. Talk to people who are experts in the field.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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