Husband Gets Angry When I Tell Him How I Feel: He Gets Defensive When I Tell Him How I Feel

The continuing existence of anger outbursts from a spouse can deal irretrievable damage to a marriage. Coping with an angry spouse can be difficult - most especially- where you have little knowledge on how to remedy the situation.

Anger is a belligerence caused by a wide range of triggering actions. Just like most other emotions experienced by humans, spontaneous anger outbursts can be suppressed with patience, cooperation, love and care.

Knowing what to do to for your spouse is most essential and though it may take a while for you to see progress in this regard, be sure that any success achieve produces a stronger marriage.

In looking to suppress an angry spouse, here are five easy steps for you to follow.

Know what to do

Never engage your spouse in the course of an outburst. Rather, walk away from your immediately vicinity. Find a place to think about the circumstances that usually surround the beginning of an anger outburst. Are there any factors that could be removed that'll help suppress your angry spouse? Are there any triggering discussions that cause the outbursts? If the outburst was a result of a discussion or argument, suspend such discussion for later. For recurring outbursts triggered by reoccurring discussions e.g. on finances or the kids, mellow down the number of times such discussions spring up.

Hold no Grudge

Anger outbursts often lead to physical and emotional abuse. If you experience any of such from your spouse, you may feel bad about the situation but do not hold any grudges against your spouse. Think of the situation like one to which there's a cure and that cure is placed in your hands.

Analyze the Inner You

In looking to suppress the situation, you should start by examining yourself. Why does your spouse get angry? Is it a result of your actions or behavior? Do you nag or do anything that triggers your spouse? Constant nagging or some other behavior usually results in an anger outburst. Its not always true that the partner of an angry spouse is who triggers the outbursts.

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Confront your spouse

Physical abuse, emotional abuse or mere arguments often result in malice. Keeping malice with a spouse after an argument is never going to prevent the future occurrence of an anger outburst. By opening the lines of communication with your spouse, you are on route to suppressing your spouses' outburst. Talking to your spouse in caring language is a way to show your spouse you're no longer angry with him and are ready to return things back to normal.

Once communication is returned to normal, confront your spouse about the situation. Tell him/her how you care about them and that getting down the bottom of this issue is necessary for you both. Be sure to do this at a time when the angry spouse is in a good mood. Early mornings or late nights on weekdays are bad times for this kind of discussion.

Rather, consider choosing a weekend or some other time where your spouse is free and in good frame of mind. If the marriage has yielded kids and you fear of having little time for this discussion, choose to get away from the kids. Take your spouse to a hotel or rented guesthouse, some private place where you both are alone and not pre-occupied with activities. Do not bug your spouse throughout the weekend with any questions you may have. Once satisfied with information concerning the origins, and triggers of his anger, skip discussion to something casual and relationship building.

Understand your Spouse

You are now nearer to understanding your spouse. By understanding your spouse, you are less liable to committing actions that may trigger your angry spouse. Ask questions that'll help you understand your spouse in this regard. Keep your ears open and listen to everything your spouse says.

Seek professional help

If you feel your spouse's anger has crossed the limit and you have tried all conventional methods to calm him down, please engage such spouse in anger management classes. Your spouses' outbursts may also be a result of what you're -either - doing or failing to do. It's advised you both sign up with a marriage counselor for further assistance. In seeking to suppress an angry spouse, never impose guilt; be supportive of your spouse and understand the fact that your spouse needs your unfailing support to surpass this hurdle.

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Marriage is a life long partnership that takes a lot of effort between partners to make it work. Everyday of your life and your partner's life is a never-ending adjustment of you and your partner's needs and desires. There are unique personal and cultural differences that tend to break the harmony between couples. Nobody can deny language and perception differences in meanings even with the simplest word or action.

Relationships need nurturing and deeper understanding of the meaning of each other's words and actions as well as needs. If you do not make it in the early stages of marriage, the critical period of adjustment, then for the succeeding months of the relationship you will start to break each other's heart. Thinking to save my marriage need a foundation of strong love and open communication to understand each other better. Here are some ideas to help you save your marriage:

- Couples talking about their feelings in an honest and constructive way help the relationship grow. Share and communicate thoughts and feelings in every way you can to maintain the relationship.

- Couples should be aware that without strong love nobody is strong enough to accept any undesirable behavior of partner. Knowing the things that make your partner happy or annoyed may succeed only when you spend time at least an hour or so a day to talk and communicate thoughts and feelings. People find it hard to accept partner's behavior, attitudes, and mannerisms without strong emotional attachments.

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- Acceptance is crucial to maintaining respect, love, and the relationship. People make mistakes and it will never end because each day of a person's life comes the decision of doing things either for own happiness and priority or for the partner's happiness and priorities. Acceptance means loving the good side as well as the bad side of the person. Refusal to accept could destroy the relationship in later course of marriage.

Attempts to save my marriage begin with the humility and acceptance that you acknowledge your participation and mistake for any sources of disagreement. Humility and acceptance create harmony. Loving a person may sometimes mean sacrificing some of your needs to satisfy his needs but still feel happy about it.

Why is saving your marriage so important? It is because by having a good relation with your other half is perhaps one of the most valuable interaction one could have. As a matter of fact, humans want to be loved, especially by our loved ones. If your marriage relationship is on the rocks, do not simply just walk out or give up on your spouse. On the other hand, by learning the correct method and do the necessary actions will increase the chances of saving your marriage.

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Most people in a marriage have a deep internal knowing when they feel there is something wrong in the marriage. This feeling may be a small hunch or it may be a festering warning bell, but most people have this intuition when something is just not right. You may get it when your partner comes home late, you may get it when your partner goes to hug you, you may get it when your listening to them talking. However this intuition is usually somewhere inside trying to communicate with you.

Most people when they get this feeling tend to go into denial and by the time they come out of denial the relationship is well an truly in trouble or their partner is walking out the door.

Denial is natural as many people don't want to hear, face, see or know what is really going on. They somehow feel they won't be able to handle it. Instead they fail to heed the internal alarm system and act on it. Many times in a relationship this denial can go on for years and years when the issue is not addressed. Many people even wake up when the partner is walking out the door before they are willing to face the issue.

Break down in communication or a lack of communication is one of the first signs of a troubled marriage. This can cause lots of mixed feelings from, confusion, frustration, anger, hopelessness and other damaging emotions. Everyday we communicate with people around us and we all have a basic desire to be wanted, to be acknowledged understand, heard and listened to. A lack of communication can be very damaging not only to the marriage but to the two people involved mentally, emotional and physically.

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Another sign of a troubled marriage is some form of distance. The person may pull away, become withdrawn, become isolated and become absent from normal everyday activities. The person may become distance not only physical, but mentally and emotionally as well. They may seem to avoid normal conversations, may avoid contact, and may want to spend time alone for no apparent reason. There will be a noticeable difference in nearly everything aspect of the person. This distance can have a huge impact on the other partner and they too may start to distance themselves as they unsure of why or what caused the distance.

Intimacy or lack of intimacy is another telltale sign of a troubled marriage. What was once normal may start to disappear and it may even get to the point where there is no contact in the marriage what so ever. There could be avoidance, rejection, loneliness and often if there is intimacy it may seem fake or superficial like the other person is just not into it.

These are just a few of the signs in a troubled marriage. If you sense something is just not right try and listen to your internal being and try and do something about the issue before it's too late.

Following your intuition may just save your marriage if you already suspect your in a troubled marriage.

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You're reading this because you want a better marriage. The problem is, you probably don't know how to go about making it better. Instead, you get more and more stressed out each day because of the issues that present themselves every time you and your spouse are together.

The very first step is to acknowledge what is wrong. I'm sure there is more than one issue, and I'm sure both of you are contributing to these issues. Right now, all you need to do is think carefully and think about exactly what has made the marriage the way it is today.

You need to be completely honest with yourself too. Put your pride aside, and if there are some issues about your partner that you don't want to bring up because you are scared of hurting them, you need to bite the bullet and decide to just go ahead and do it. The chances are, you are probably hurting them more by not bringing up any problems you have with them. How can they go about fixing those problems if they don't know how you feel about them?

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There's no doubting that getting real and acknowledging the real issues in the marriage isn't an easy thing to do, but it is absolutely vital if you really want things to work. Think carefully, and write everything down if you need to.

Before you sit down with your partner and discuss how you feel about all these issues, why not think about how, as a couple, you can move forward from them? Say, for example, one of the issues is that your partner doesn't contribute to the maintaining of the house. A way forward with that could be that you allocate specific household tasks to each of you. Or maybe one of the issues is that your partner goes out with their friends too much. A way forward with that could be that you make an effort to go out together once a week, or once a fortnight.

Acknowledging the issues that need to be addressed, and having an idea in your mind of what is needed to address them puts you in a much stronger position for when you sit down and talk to your partner. It will also drastically decrease the chances of the discussion turning into an argument.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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