Husband Says Mean Things When Angry: Husband Using Harsh Words Whenever We Fight

Recognizing verbal abuse and how to deal with it is very important in order to protect your self-esteem and your overall character.

It's evident that majority of those who are verbally cruel and abusive are men and some of them are more subtle in their damaging actions. While it's true that getting abused verbally will not leave any black eyes or apparent bruises, there are going to be more serious and damaging effects on how you view yourself.

Verbal abuse will affect you in a very deep soul level. Narcissistic abuse is a kind of psychological rape that will leave you feeling violated on many different degrees.

Most of the time, your normal reaction is to get hurt when your partner suddenly throws out some damaging words. But the good news is that it doesn't have to be that way. You already know that you cannot control what your partner is going to say but one thing that you're sure is that you have total control of yourself. And when it comes to verbal abuse, you definitely have a choice.

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So, what are your choices? Basically you can take it in or not take it in. Maybe you're saying that it's easier said than done but if you approach it as a discipline, then you'll have an easier time of applying and developing it. Make it a discipline to:

* Go for peace instead of being right and feeding your pride.

* Understand that the actions, thoughts and feelings of the narcissistic partner is about them and not about you.

* Realize that you are the master of your own temple and you control what comes in and what doesn't.

Before implementing this discipline to counteract verbal abuse, it's very important to really understand that the narcissist's actions, thoughts and feelings are theirs, and theirs alone.

You must give a certain amount of consideration to what they are thinking but it simply doesn't mean that you would just stand there and take it all in. What you do is choose to leave it out, deflect his words, or merely view it as something deeply problematic with the abuser.

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Do you want more caring, love, and intimacy in your relationship? Sure you do. But what if you're the only one putting in the time and effort to make it work, and you're beginning to feel as though you're faced with a brick wall at every turn. Well, you're probably feeling a little frustrated. How can you possibly do this all on your own?

The key is conscious communication. If you're willing to set the tone and be an example of what you want in a relationship you're halfway home. Firstly, when communicating with your partner about the things you want in your relationship pay attention to the words you use.

Say it The Way You'd Like to Hear it

Be sure to keep away from words that will leave your partner thinking you are accusing them of something. Instead of saying, "I feel like you don't listen to me," simply change your words to say something like, "When we have a conversation I'd like to make sure that we both understand what the other person means." This moves the blame from them to your own hopes and dreams for your relationship. Then when you identify particular problems you'd like to tackle in your relationship, you begin without either one of you feeling that you're being singled out. Remember, set the example. If you wouldn't want to be singled out don't single them out.

Give What You Want to Get

Next, if you would like to be listened to and heard about what's going on for you the best way to get what you want is to make sure you're giving it. If you start a conversation about your marriage intimacy, how you would like to change things and they immediately seem defense, it's time to listen to them. Defensiveness means something's going on for them. If you're interested in finding out what their own issues are, they're much more likely to respond in a positive way.

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Keeping it positive and focusing on what you do want instead of on everything that's wrong is another way to set an example. This doesn't mean you need to sugar coat anything, or avoid talking about some of the deeper issues you might have. It simply means that you want to keep your eyes open for solutions and looked towards the future, rather than always harping on the problems and focusing on the past.

For example, let's say you were upset about the fact that your significant other doesn't do the grocery shopping with you. You might have said something like, "I can't stand that you won't go grocery shopping with me." This type of negative statement is likely to get your partner's backup--and not in the way you'd enjoy. Setting the tone means altering your statement in a positive way. Try something like, "I would enjoy it if we could go grocery shopping together, would you be willing to talk about what prevents you from wanting to go?" You can always find common ground and communicate in a way that focuses on positive future results, as opposed to negative feelings about the past.

Setting an example and discovery new ways to deepen your marriage intimacy isn't always easy, but it is definitely possible. Even when you're faced with a partner who seems unwilling to participate, setting an example of what you do want in a relationship is the surest way to transform the situation. When your spouse feels as appreciated and respected as you'd like to be and they see you making an effort they'll be much more likely to make an attempt themselves.

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The majority of people these days do not take the initiative in sustaining a healthy marriage. They usually give up and let their marriage disappear before them. The fact that you are reading this shows that you are serious about making things work for you in your marriage which is quite noble as it is no easy task.

When you are the only one attempting to save your marriage it can be quite heart wrenching and you can become depressed quite easily. This can be very detrimental to your marriage if you do not monitor your actions carefully. If you reach a point of desperation you may do things that you would not ordinarily do which may only make things worse that they already are.

Because of this you need to take extra care in keeping calm as it is essential in saving your marriage. I very much understand your dilemma as I have been there before. Even the divorce proceedings may have started. Yes you may feel devastated. Just know that you can make a difference and convince your spouse in staying together with you. To do so you have to first learn how to keep your cool in this situation and not let your emotions do the thinking.

This is the first crucial step you must take in saving your marriage and you need to understand the importance of thinking clearly before making any action. Actions based on emotions will only worsen things. Don't forget that marriage is a long lasting institution that can't be cured by impulsive actions that come to mind. Carefully review what actions you want to take. As long as you stay calm and monitor your emotions you will be well on your way to saving your marriage like I have done with mine.

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Often there is no real reason for a couple to divorce. However, it is inevitable that a few relationships are going to end in a bad marriage. This can happen for a variety of reasons. Possibly one spouse starts drinking to excess and physically abusing their mate, one spouse continues to have affair after affair without remorse, or one partner wants to totally dominate the other. None of these uneven situations is going to continue to work, and it's better for both spouses to get a divorce and get on with their lives. Sadly, it doesn't always work out this way.

For some reason, a lot of men feel the need to physically and mentally abuse their wives and children. Although it can be the wife who is the abusive spouse, usually it's the man. These men are bullies that love preying on their weaker family members. To make it all worse, many of them drink to excess which really turns them into raging monsters. Women are beaten and even killed by their husbands or are forced to watch while their husbands take their anger out on the children. Obviously this type of marriage isn't worth saving; however, many times the women are afraid to leave for fear of harsher attacks. There is never a reason to stay in a bad marriage like this, because there is help for the abused spouse.

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Other unions are plagued by one spouse having a roving eye and affairs on the side. For the spouse who has remained faithful to their wedding vows, this can be a terrible blow to the ego as well as the emotional health. There's no way this person's self-esteem can survive the evidence that their spouse apparently prefers someone else. Talking with a marriage coach will help them understand that the problem is with the errant spouse, not them, and help them build back the esteem that will give them the strength to stand up to their spouse and demand a divorce.

Another case of a bad marriage may have started out okay but changed as the partners matured. For example, it might be a case of a younger woman who married an older man because she wanted to be taken care of. As the years pass, however, she matures and resents the fact that he tries to tell her what to do all the time. He has a dominant personality, and she's no longer willing to let him rule her life. This situation can cause a lot of strife as each partner struggles to be themselves. Without some bad marriage advice, this marriage is heading for oblivion.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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