Husband Wants Time To Himself: What Does It Mean When A Husband Says He Needs Time Apart To Himself

No, that isn't a bad joke from a husband who isn't too happy about his wife's weight. It's a somewhat crude explanation of a wife that's impossible to love. Actually, that's a little bit unfair. This doesn't just apply to women, but men and actually even inanimate objects. Everything in life follows this idea and if you're not careful about it, it could cause a divorce.

In the last chapter, I talked about Liz Taylor and how she dedicated a lot of her time and money to AIDS/HIV. The logic is, because she spent so much of her time and money to this cause, any time and money she did spend with men had a higher value, since there was less of it.

Sometimes, even if you never wanted something in the first place, you can't help but desire it if it's within your reach, simply for the virtue of the fact that it's hard to get a hold of in the first place.

So what's the opposite of scarcity? Abundance, right? But what could be wrong with abundance? Too much money? Heck, that would be a dream come true! All the time in the world to do whatever I want? I'd be the happiest person alive!

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OK, let's try and scale it back a little bit here and keep it focused on the topic of relationships. Have you ever known someone who thinks that they're being the best husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend for their partner by

· promising to always be there, til the end of time,

· always paying for everything,

· always going to pick them up from wherever they want,

· etc?

What are they doing? They're making themselves TOO available, aren't they? They are in abundance. There is too much of them. They are everywhere. Always being there causes a few problems for the partner:

· they can feel suffocated by the other person,

· they can feel like the other person is clingy/desperate,

· they can't respect someone who doesn't respect their own time, even if they love them

You can't love someone without respect. It just doesn't work. I used to have this problem when I was 16 and going through some relationship problems with a girl that I thought I loved. I literally called her 30 times in a day. In hindsight, that would have seemed really creepy.

Sometimes, the hardest thing is doing nothing at all. If you really cared about that other person, you would make sure that they love you long-term, not short-term. Long-term love comes from long-term respect, which starts with you.

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If I asked you who your best friend is, many of you would point to your spouse or partner. Close friends share a strong emotional bond, enjoy spending time with each other and often have a lot in common. However, there are important elements of a romantic relationship that set it apart from a just-friends relationship--passion, sensuality, and physical attraction.

Unfortunately, in many long-term relationships, passion wanes as the years pass and the couple begins behaving more like close friends than romantic partners.

Sexual desire fluctuates throughout the life of a relationship

Every individual is different, which means that every couple is different. Take this one step further and it's clear that every couple has different levels of sexual desire. Despite the urge to compare ourselves to others as we search for the ideal "times per week," the fact is there is no magic number because a couple's sexuality is intensely personal and completely unique to the couple.

You're in very good company if the quantity and quality of sex fluctuates in your marriage or relationship. Many couples report steady declines as the years march on, others experience periods of little physical intimacy intermixed with sporadic increases in sex. Couples have different sexual rhythms.

Despite these natural fluctuations, there are mindsets that can creep into your relationship and negatively impact your attempts to keep passion alive. Be aware of them and you put yourself on the road toward a more fulfilling sex life with your partner.

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The four mindsets that can destroy passion:

1. You believe that sex is separate from other parts of your relationship.

A relationship truism couples often forget: How you treat your partner outside the bedroom affects what happens inside the bedroom. If your partner perceives you as indifferent or judgmental, it shouldn't be a surprise when you hear "I'm really not in the mood tonight."

The seeds of passion are set outside the bedroom--nurture the emotional connection of your relationship and you'll nurture passion.

2. You're waiting for spontaneous sex to occur.

Please ignore the Hollywood movies that show couples knocking over every pot and pan in the kitchen (even pot and pans filled with ready-to-eat gourmet food) as they're overcome with desire and cannot wait to get to the bedroom to have sex. Spontaneous sexual combustion might have occurred when you and your partner were first dating, but for couples who survive past the two-year mark, life's spontaneous happenings are more likely to involve heartburn and indigestion than sex.

You need to plan for romantic moments, thereby creating them. Even if, over breakfast, you can't imagine yourself being in the mood later in the evening, if you set aside a time and create a romantic space, you might later surprise yourself when you become aroused.

Don't be passive about passion--successful couples work on creating passion.

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3. You believe sex is mainly physical.

Sex is psychological, emotional and physical. For many, the road to great sex starts in their mind. You've probably heard the adage: "The most powerful sex organ is between the ears." Your imagination and fantasy life can be a great aphrodisiac. For this to occur, you and your partner need to openly communicate about your sexual desires and interests.

Feedback and discussions about what works and doesn't work in the bedroom will pave the way to a more fulfilling sex life.

4. You still believe in "the quickie."

Nothing kills passion like a hurried atmosphere. You're not a teenager any longer, translated: Your body and libido have slowed down a bit since raging sex hormones were the new kids on the block. Do you warm up before exercising? Do you let your car idle before heading off to work in the morning? You and your partner may have different warm-up times before feeling ready for sex--respect these differences and take it slow.

Give passion the time it deserves.

While you might not be able to recapture the sexual glory days of a new relationship, you (and your partner) can take the steps necessary to resuscitate romance and keep passion alive. Awareness of the above four mindsets is an important first step in reversing the toll the years often take on passionate relationships.

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"Resentment," the former South African president Nelson Mandela once said, "is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."

Yet we all know how hard it can be to let go of past grievances. I have met couples who can't remember what they had for dinner last night but miraculously have instant recall when it comes to the last several times they were angry with each other. But no matter how legitimate the grievance, harboring resentments - or bringing them up again and again as fuel in arguments - does neither you nor the relationship any good. So what do you do when that old hurt keeps rearing its ugly head? How do you move past resentment?

For one, it is possible to forgive without forgetting. You may not have any control over what you remember, but you do have control over how you feel about it. Forgiveness is a conscious choice. So if you are committed to the future of the relationship, you need to learn how to move past old issues once and for all, or they can cast an ugly shadow over the relationship for many years to come.

Here are a few tools that can help you let go of past relationship resentments:

1. Remember that you make mistakes, too. As painful as it is to remember the times your partner as hurt you, it might be even more painful to acknowledge our own shortcomings - which helps to explain why it is so tempting to direct our anger outward instead of taking a more honest assessment of our own actions. But it IS a lot easier to forgive when you can admit that you, too, have been guilty of thoughtlessness, temper tantrums and other hurtful behaviors. It's called being human.

2. Deal with hurt and anger right away, in the moment. When you are angry, say so - it may be that your partner had no idea that they have done anything that bothered you. Or, it could be the opposite - they were feeling angry themselves and acted out in turn. Either way, now is the time to talk it through. If the issue is serious and emotionally fraught, or has been building up over time, you may even benefit from talking through your feelings with a couples counselor. But please avoid sweeping it under the rug. That's an easy way for today's frustration to grow into tomorrow's resentment.

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3. Make a pact with your partner - and yourself - that when it comes to old wounds, you are done bringing them up every time a conversation gets heated. It happens all the time, and it is usually born out of defensiveness: Your partner is frustrated because, say, he or she thinks you have overspent on holiday gifts, so you reflexively direct attention back to another old, familiar argument rather than work through a new, uncomfortable subject such as this month's credit card bill. However, by focusing on the topic at hand instead, you have a much better chance of working toward a swift resolution rather than engaging in a drawn-out mudslinging contest.

4. Rip up the scorecard. What is to be gained by keeping a tally of every mistake your partner has ever made, if he or she has already acknowledged them, apologized and tried to avoid repeating them? More importantly, relationships are not a competitive sport, or a series of debates to be won. Treating them as such is a recipe for misery and relationship failure.

5. Choose to forgive for your own emotional well-being. Anger can serve a positive purpose in the moment, alerting us when there is potential danger to ourselves or our loved ones, and giving us the emotional fuel to react. Old anger, however, is counterproductive - it just drains our energy and takes up valuable space in our minds.

So the next time you feel yourself dwelling on old wounds, remind yourself that you have a choice in whether or not to continue carrying that burden. And if you choose to leave it behind, you will have new found freedom to focus on working with your partner on a healthier, happier, resentment-free relationship.

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Marriage refers to an institution that establishes rights and obligations among spouses that directly or indirectly affects their marriage, children and in-laws. It can also be termed as a legal contract between spouses. In our today's world marriage is considered a cultural universal. This means that it varies in different cultures. It includes those marriages that are monogamous, polygamous, same-sex marriages and temporary.

The greater purpose of marriage is reproduction. Many couples marry to get and raise children and hence live as a family. Most a times, children are the reason marriage exists, they tend to unite the couples and bring joy. Considering the bible too, God's reason for marriage is the unity of the couples and the reproductive purpose. God commanded husband and wife to go forth and multiply. This explains the reason of marriage at the same time opposing the concept of same sex marriage. Same sex marriages cannot achieve this purpose meaning they cannot reproduce. Only a man and a woman and not two persons of the same sex are able to achieve this purpose. This tend to explain why same sex marriage is not accepted in many societies. Accepting same sex marriages means killing the norms of purity of marriage and giving room to impunity.

In some cases when marriages face disputes and the couples tend to think of a divorce, their children tend to be the reason they stay together. They tend to find solace in there children hence end up resolving there conflicts. This shows the importance of reproduction in marriages. It's a unifying factor in most of the families. Children bring happiness, unity and in some cases re candles love between the couples. This usually tend to make the marriage institution worth it. Therefore it is clear that reproduction is essential in marriage. Therefore marriage needs to be as the bible puts it.

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Apart from reproduction, partnership is another reason or essential for marriages. Marriage is considered as a partnership between the spouses that is the husband and wife. They come together as one entity to pursue same goals in marriage to ensure that they live a happy and lasting marriage. A partnership in marriage means each should play equally powerful and equally important roles. In today's modern world, many marriages have misunderstood the concept of equality in marriage. Some of the women tend to play the role of men. Some men too avoid there obligations hence causing a conflict to arise. Equality does mean women to be the head of the home while men to do household cores, it means each party should play its role and hence make significant contribution in the marriage for it to be complete.

Equal partnership brings joy in the marriage. Working as one and in togetherness brings unity in the marriage. It is observed that couples who stand as equals before each other find greater joy in the long term. A happy family remains united even in times of wrangles and misunderstandings.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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