I Am Happier When My Husband Isn't Around: Happy When My Husband Is Away

Wondering constantly "What are signs you've fallen out of love with your spouse?" Do you look at your husband or wife and think, "How did I get here? How did I end up with this person who I once lusted after and now I feel nothing for?"

If you answered "yes" to that question, you have probably already emotionally checked out of your marriage. Here are some other signs of feeling like you are uninspired by your partner's love:

You have affairs. If you are cheating, you are emotionally detached from your spouse. Even if you have convinced yourself that sex is just sex with other women (or men), it isn't. When you betray your spouse sexually, you are also emotionally distancing yourself from the relationship. And if you are having an affair, chances are you are not getting what you need EMOTIONALLY from your spouse.

You nit-pick and berated her or him. When love has gone sour, it's usually because we have built-up resentments inside us. This resentments create a warning mechanism in our brains that send us a message if we get too close to the other person again; "Stop. Can't you see that he/she is annoying, weak, irritating, etc." This message prevents us from feeling loving toward the person and instead makes us want to complain about all the things that bother us about him or her.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

You can't look your spouse in the eye. When you don't love someone anymore you feel ashamed, especially if it's your spouse who you are supposed to be committed to loving for life. If you find ways to emotionally or physically avoid him or her, don't fool yourself into thinking that you are just too busy with work or the kids to connect. You are feeling the shame of having fallen out of love.

You undermine your spouse's feelings. If you never listen to our spouse's needs and think that most his or her feelings and desires are silly or annoying, you are not playing your part in your union. There is nothing more horrible than being married to someone who refuses to hear you or see your pain. When you love someone you care about their "being" and you do what you can to heal their feelings and provide their needs.

You are never home. If you think that the best way to unwind after work or on the weekends is to stay as far away from home as possible, you are no longer in love. Even if your spouse isn't making it easy for you to be around him or her, you have a duty to your marriage to find a solution to your issues and not run from the problems in your marriage.

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There is a magical time in each relationship that lasts for 3 months to 2 years. This is called New Relationship Energy (NRE) and is more commonly known as falling in love. Often, the NRE stage will make people not care about each other's flaws, and the two people will be so in love that they will do anything for the other person. They think they're a perfect match. The NRE will make everything in the relationship wonderful.

Then, reality sets in.

Most couples will start to take each other for granted after this time. This is the biggest mistake you can make in a relationship, and it is responsible for the failure of many relationships and marriages.

Here are some signs that you're taking your partner for granted:

1. You don't spend time together anymore

You feel like you don't have the energy that used to hold you together. Both spouses start doing more things outside of the relationship, and they can become so busy that they don't have time for each other anymore. When you don't spend time together, you're taking your relationship for granted. This is especially true if you're doing lots of new, exciting things outside of the relationship.

Tip: Set aside time for your spouse first, then book other activities or people second. Make your spouse a priority because you could lose your bond if you don't spend time with him or her. Come up with new, exciting things to do together.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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2. You don't keep your spouse up-to-date on your life

Usually this starts when one of the spouses is too critical of the other. The other spouse then stops telling the critical spouse what is going on in his or her life for fear of being judged.

Tip: Don't be critical of your spouse. Your spouse is the person you fell in love with, and people don't change. If you're the spouse who stopped being open, you need to stop being afraid to voice your needs to your spouse. Tell him or her that you don't want to be judged.

3. You let your image go

When you were in love, you wanted to impress your spouse and would always look your best. When the NRE is over, most people make the mistake of letting their image go downhill. If you let your image go, your spouse will think that you only dress nicely for other people. Your spouse wants to feel that you'll dress up for him or her.

Tip: Get rid of that ugly, comfy outfit that you like to wear at home! Have something that's comfortable but still attractive. Dress for yourself, and you won't have a problem.

4. You stop having intimacy and sex

After the NRE is over, both spouses aren't having as much sex. Most couples take the relationship for granted and start to naturally drift away from each other. Sex is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship.

Tip: Any positive changes in appearance will be helpful, and creativity and small gifts will bring more romance to the relationship. Give each other massages and make little romantic gestures. Sometimes, you have so much to do that you think you're too tired to have sex, but I can guarantee you will feel less stressed and tired once you start.

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One of the most difficult decisions you may face in your life is whether or not you should stay in your marriage. Marriage is supposed to be for life, but often times doesn't live up to our expectations, becomes abusive or leaves us feeling neglected, unappreciated, lonely and unloved. At the same time you may have issues with leaving your marriage like children, religious beliefs, a fear of being alone, or an uncertain financial future if you leave.

Perhaps you have already spent many years with your partner, have had children and have even had some good times together. Or maybe you got married recently and now that the honeymoon phase is wearing off you are worrying that you made the wrong decision or the true personality of your spouse has come to light and it doesn't even seem like the person you married anymore. If you've been asking yourself "should I stay in my marriage" you need to seriously weigh all of your options before you make a decision.

If you are in a relationship that is physically or emotionally abusive you should probably consider leaving unless your spouse is willing to get help for their problem. Staying in an abusive relationship not only puts you at risk but can also risk the safety of your children if you have any. While physical abuse is obvious to spot emotional abuse may be more difficult to assess or may make your decision whether to stay or leave more difficult to make. However, emotional abuse is often times just as damaging as physical abuse and it is important to know that you don't deserve it.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Sometimes the desire to leave a marriage simply arises because either you have fallen out of love with your spouse or they have fallen out of love with you. Staying a loveless marriage can seem like you are wasting away your life and watching the years tick by without any happiness. Whether you married someone who is emotionally unavailable, whom you didn't love in the first place, or whom you have fallen out of love with it can put you in a difficult situation.

If you are considering leaving because you are in a loveless marriage the decision about whether to stay or leave can be more difficult than if there were obvious signs of abuse, etc. Before leaving just for a lack of love you need to evaluate if there is any way you and your partner may be able to get the love back into your relationship. Although it may seem unlikely many couples who have fallen out of love manage to fall in love all over again even if only one partner wants to. It's not easy and it does require work, but it is a possibility and may be something you want to consider.

You should also take into consideration that often times people will leave a loveless marriage hoping for a better relationship with someone new. However, often times these people will just wind up with a man or woman who is a carbon copy of their ex. It is easy to keep falling for the same type of person over and over and repeating relationship mistakes, so often times it makes more sense to address the underlying issues that made you choose your partner in the first place before moving on and looking for something new.

There is nothing worse than leaving your marriage only to regret it afterward and have it be too late. At the same time you don't want to wake up years from now only to realize you have wasted your life in a marriage that wasn't working.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Do you remember when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were married? They went to marriage counseling to help their marriage along. But it didn't solve anything, because we know that Brad Pitt is now married to Angelina Jolie. If you are trying to save your marriage it may concern you, too.

Marriage counseling often takes the place that friends and neighbours, maybe church leaders took years
ago. But it isn't necessarily the answer to problems in marriage, just as it wasn't then either.

Marriage counsellors, although I am sure some do mean well, are actually running a business. And as such, their priority may not always be the same as yours. They talk to you about your innermost secrets, about your childhood, how you related to your parents; they get to know what makes you tick.

Then, as time goes by, they see how things in the past influence the way you behave today. For this they
charge you around $100 per hour. Now, bearing in mind this is their livelihood, how many hours do you
think that would take?

How long would you take, knowing that someone is going to pay you $100 per hour?

With all this time spent with the counsellor, attachments can develop. Clients can develop an emotional
attachment with the counsellor. That doesn't sound conducive to saving your marriage, does it?

There are some subjects, such as abortion, divorce, marriage - they are things people have strong feelings about. You must make sure that your belief systems and the counsellors are similar. For instance, many counsellors do suggest divorce - but that is not why you are going to a marriage counsellor! Who benefits if you divorce? The counsellor just made sure there are more relationships that need counselling when you and your partner meet new people!

I am not saying all counsellors are the same, or that they are all underhand, but I do think they have a lot of power and some of them you have to be careful about.

If you decide to go and see one, please think about:

1. The counsellor has good references. See if you can call a couple that the counsellor has helped, or see
any thank you letters.

2.You have a set amount of sessions. You must make sure this number is adhered to.

3. Your priority and the counsellors are the same. If you want to save your marriage then you want the
counsellor to want that too.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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