I Can't Tolerate My Husband Anymore: My Marriage Doesn't Work For Me Anymore

My husband is a good, kind-hearted and caring man. He takes care of his responsibilities, plays with our daughter and he is a good father to her. He is a good husband to me too. However, of late he has had a nasty, mean streak which I think came about as a result of financial pressure. We both made the decision to quit our full-time employment to run businesses in pursuit of a better life for us and our daughter. Our marriage has been solid too up until recently.

He started acting irrationally, getting upset with me for staying home when I took ill so I chose not to rest anymore but go to work. His medical practice is apparently now my problem, he hired someone whom he told can start work at 10. Two mornings ago, when I was down with a terrible flu, I thought I might spend the day in bed medicated. I dropped our daughter off at daycare and came back home. He was in bed. I woke him up and asked if he was not going in to work. He asked me what time it was and I told him it was almost nine. All of a sudden, he gets out of bed, starts ranting at me that we cannot play around with the practice and just acted like a total jerk. Then he drives like an idiot and when I asked him why he was driving that way, he says "personal reasons". I mean really? Are you saying "what the... "? Good.

I ignored him for the rest of that day. The following day he tried to talk to me like nothing was wrong and I was not having it. Then he decided to do the same to me. He likes playing that game. Usually I'm the one who brings about peace. Not this time. I went into his office and told him off. Then I walked out.

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Now that may not have been the best way to handle things but I just about had enough of his crap. Oh and by the way, when I told him he should consider his behavior, he tells me "that's nonsense that you just said". I know right, who does this guy think he is? Not the good, kind-hearted man I married that's for sure. So anyway, I decided I am tired of him but in order to get someone to change, you should be the change you want to see. So here are six ways in which I am approaching the situation.

1. Communicate

It is a challenge but it is one of the fundamentals of marriage. You will have to communicate how you feel and make it clear that the behavior is not acceptable to you. Once you have communicated this, take a stand. Don't just say you won't tolerate it and then do nothing. It is sure to re-occur and when it does, it is important for you to maintain your stand that you will not accept it. If you reacted by yelling, criticising, arguing or worse, withdrawing then you will need to react differently after you communicate your disdain.

2. Be The Change You Want To See

Most people learn by what they see. If my husband acts like an idiot and I fly off the handle he is not going to learn anything valuable and his rotten behavior will continue. The best way to get him to change, is to continue to be a good wife and when he acts like a jerk, I simply tell him "I will not do this with you" and walk away. Now I have disarmed the situation. Why? He wants a war but he'll have to fight it alone. That's not fun now is it?! He will then realise that he has to take a different approach. Bingo!

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3. Control Your Sphere

Though there are two people that make up one marriage, the key here is there are two people. Each one of the two is an individual. Most of us women tend to give so much of ourselves out that we lose who we are as an individual. Yes a wife is supposed to take care of her husband and her family and her home. That does not mean she should stop taking care of her own interests. I believe a woman is the glue that holds a family together. That is a massive responsibility and it requires you to be mentally and physically fit. Find peace and contentment by doing things that fulfill you on the inside. We act and react based on what is going on inside of us. If we take care of the inside, the outside will follow suit. So go ahead, go out with the girls, get your nails done, do that business course, whatever makes you happy.

4. Be A Giver More Than A Taker

My husband is smart enough to know when he has done something wrong. Most men are actually. However, how you react as his wife is very important. I know that when you are mad at someone the last thing you want to do is be nice to them but that is exactly what they expect. Instead, do the opposite of what they expect. Compliments, service, good treatment in general will not be wasted but it must be genuine. You will need to work through the feelings of anger and resentment. You will need to find that inner strength and peace in order to accept that this man is only human. He has his virtues and his faults. His virtues far outweigh his faults and you will need to give him motivation to draw out those virtues. Be good to him, he will come around. Give and you will receive.

5. Don't Focus On The Problem

Ever heard of the saying "making a mountain out of an ant hill?" Well, a person who is emotionally abusing you is no joke but to remedy the situation you need to take your focus off the problem and put your focus onto solutions to the problem. This takes the burden off feeling down and gives you the strength to remain happy and helps you implement the solutions with zeal.

6. Be Prepared

Now I understand that people differ. My situation still is salvageable but there are situations where it might not be the case. I have prepared myself for the fact that my husband may change, may not change or get worse even. Either way, I am prepared to face the consequences. At least I know that I did my part. If it works, hooray! If it doesn't then perhaps it was not meant to be. Either way I will be content knowing I did all I could. You have to be prepared for positive or negative outcomes.

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Is your marriage currently finding itself going downhill? If so, I have been in your shoes before and it is certainly not a pleasant experience. The same marriage that used to be the greatest thing that has happened to you is now becoming one of the worst things in your life. What should you do if this is happening to you? Nothing that is secret to anyone really; keep reading and you will see what I mean.

After I learned that my husband wanted to get a divorce, I could not come to terms with it and was pretty desolated on hearing the news. When I talked with him for hours about it, I could see that he was serious about it and did not want to change his mind. I got very desperate after this and performed actions that I thought I would never do - Beg, cry and plead with him to change his mind. It did absolutely nothing to help the situation.

I was fortunate enough to be able to save my marriage. Not only this but I have made it even stronger than it was at the start!

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What I did was no big secret really. All I did was become familiar with some psychological rules and apply them. What I am talking about is the rule that everyone wants the things that they cannot get. It is not hard to see that this is currently working against you. If both you and your spouse wanted to get back together you would jump on that opportunity in no time.

This is why you need to ensure that all the begging, crying and pleading stops immediately. These pitiful actions get you nowhere since they make you seem "easier to get". As long as you show that you can be strong and able to stand on your own two feet, you will show that you are not so easy to have after all. It will have a big impact on your marriage like it did with mine.

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Every marriage, no matter how idyllically it starts, is going to face some problems throughout the years. While a lot of people hit these rough patches and throw in the towel, filing a divorce, there are much better ways to fix the marriage problems without resorting to such a drastic measure. A lot of the trouble lies in the fact that women are more independent these days and not willing to be dominated, men often want their wives to carry a double or triple burden without help, and along with that, women aren't doing the housewifely duties as conscientiously as they did in the past. In addition, financial strains from the recession can strain a marriage to the breaking point. So how are you going to get over the hurdle in your relationship?

Contacting a marriage coach is an excellent first step. You obviously don't have the skills you need to handle your problems yourself, so why not begin working with someone who does? First of all, you need to know that a coach and a marriage counselor are two very different things. You've probably heard stories of couples you know who tried to straighten out their marital difficulties by having sessions with a counselor. It was expensive and pretty much a waste of time, because they weren't able to solve anything. A counselor just isn't equipped to teach you the strategies you need to repair your damaged marriage.

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There are lots of reasons why married couples have problems. After all, it isn't easy learning to live with someone new, and once the honeymoon effect has worn off, it can get even more difficult. Add financial troubles, children, and careers into the mix, and it can be a recipe for disaster unless you get the help you need. You don't have to feel like a failure just because you aren't able to keep your relationship going smoothly on your own. It never hurts to ask for help when you need it, and if you're at odds with your spouse, you may have lost your main source of support.

A marriage coach will help you find ways to fix marriage problems and get your relationship back on the right track. This person will have the expertise you need, because a good coach will have already walked in your shoes. Who would want to trust something as precious as a marriage to a person who has already been through a couple of divorces? Instead, you want someone who has built a good, solid marriage and knows the ropes firsthand.

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How to survive narcissistic abuse begins by recognizing that you have the power to turn things around. By now you know that to continue living in an abusive relationship means losing your identity and soul. You have to decide once and for all that you refuse to be a victim.

A narcissistic partner has an inflated sense of self-importance. They are capable of causing emotional and psychological trauma to those around them. They require constant attention and praise while they use others to gratify their feelings of superiority. When they are told otherwise or criticized, they retaliate on no end and would go to great extents of humiliating you. It is vital that you understand their pattern of behavior. This alone will help you a lot in dealing with one.

Here are tips on how to survive narcissistic abuse:

Don't reveal your weak side
Narcissists lack empathy. They lack compassion for anyone who shows that they are emotionally vulnerable. You will always be an easy target for your partner if you easily show anger, sadness or grief.

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Don't count on your partner to change
Your role is not to change your partner's narcissistic personality. Assume that they will always be this way and it is not up to you to save them. You will only suffer even more and experience disappointment, hurt and anger over and over again.

Create personal boundaries
Be sure to look after your own needs before anything else. They will try to manipulate you into doing things that you don't want to do and make you feel guilty when you resist. Be firm with your decisions. Make it clear that you will not put up with yelling and other crazy tactics.

Learn to forgive
People who suffer from narcissism don't now that they are hurting other people. Their mental illness prevents them from functioning harmoniously with the rest of us. You are in a better position to understand their situation. Forgiveness allows you to heal faster as you recognize that you have the power to change how your own life plays out.

Get out of an abusive relationship as soon as you can. The longer you stay in one will add up to freedom and happiness lost. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. You will find that people are often ready to assist you. You are not alone in your battle. You will discover that others are also in the same boat as you are. Be among those who will be able to start life anew.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here

Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com