I Don't Respect My Husband Anymore: When Respect Is Lost In a Marriage

A healthy marriage is made up of compassion, submission, respect and forgiveness. Did you notice that I didn't even use the word "love"? That's because all of the above constitutes love. When you demonstrate these character traits with others you are essentially turning these words into loving action. Love is being submissive, compassionate, respectful and forgiving.

Forgiveness is Love
When you forgive your spouse for something they have done against you or the marriage you are feeling love for them. That's why you forgive because you love them! Do you see how that works? Forgiveness is saying, "I want to work this out with you. Therefore I will not hold in grudges or resentment because I have forgiven you". Now because you have chosen to love through forgiveness you can get passed the pain and move on in your marriage.

Submission is Love
Contrary to ignorant, popular culture, submission isn't being a doormat. It's surrendering yourself to your spouse. The only way that submitting to your own husband would make you a doormat is if you allow it to be so in your attitude. It's true there are some husband's that treat their wives with disrespect but that is something else altogether. No woman should take any kind of abuse that would harm her own faith in God, period!

Did you know that even husband's should submit to their wives, but not in the same way? In fact, a God-fearing husband ought to be making sacrifices and surrendering himself to his wife on a daily basis through his headship position. Jesus submitted and surrendered His life for our life-this is the same way husbands are to submit to their wives. A husband ought to be putting aside his own interests in order to properly care for his wife according to his God-given position.

Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. (NIV Ephesians 5:21)
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (KJV Ephesians 5:21)

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Love is Being Respectful
I think disrespect is a major problem couples face in marriage. Public schools or parents don't teach the importance of respect for others anymore. Many of these youths grow up with selfish attitudes where they believe relationships including marriage should be catered to their every whim. But this is not reality. If you go into marriage with this kind of attitude you will surely be unhappy. I've seen this predicament between couples over and over again.

Happiness comes from understanding how to treat others with respect because you have already treated yourself well. What do I mean by that? I mean you have to grow out from your past hurts, addictions, resentments, and bad attitudes first, before you will understand how to love (respect) others appropriately.

Couples want and need to feel good about their position in marriage. For instance, if a wife understands from society that being submissive to her husband makes her a doormat then she is going to do whatever it takes to be the boss of her house. If a husband understands that being the spiritual head means he must become some religious fanatic who has to go to Church every Sunday and Wednesday, then he may decide to bow out of his headship/leadership responsibilities. Church can get downright boring at times. God should never be made boring because it is Him that gives us life!

In reality neither of the above is truth. It doesn't come from the Word of God. But try and teach people something that has been drilled into their heads since they were kids. In reality a wife is exactly the opposite of a doormat when she submits to her husband's love for her. She becomes the queen of her home. And a husband does not need to ever walk into a church building to be a man of God! In fact it may deter him in his willingness to have a growing relationship with His Savior The Christ. Why that is would take another article, but maybe you can figure it out.

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In reality, by studying and reading the Word of God in the privacy of your own home, and talking to God through your personal relationship with Jesus, your teacher, you are the church! Wherever men and women of God go they bring the church with them in spirit and in truth. You don't have to "go to church" to be saved! Worshiping God is in Spirit not in a church building. This is not to say that you cannot "go to church" if you want, but it is not a part of being saved. Church does not make somebody a Christian-it is what's in the heart.

Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)

Couples ought to be respecting each other for trying to do what is right. They ought to be supporting and encouraging one another in the Word of God and helping each other to be all they can be in the respective positions given to them by God. This is love! This is marriage!

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3)

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Everyone agrees that it takes a lot of work and dedication to have a healthy and lifelong marriage. The fairy tale of meeting that special someone and the honeymoon stage do not last forever. Marriage is beyond the courtship and honeymoon. Start early in the relationship to plan for saving your marriage.

During courtship you spend time together that was about each other not about doing the dishes, washing the clothes, cooking the meals, mowing the lawn, and all the day to day activities that have to be done. The best way to keep you love fresh and to have a healthy marriage is to plan for it.

Planning for Saving Your Marriage

• Set realistic expectations
• Set goals for the marriage
• Keep a positive attitude
• Express tender loving care
• Effective communication skills

Let each other know your expectations of each other. You must establish realistic expectations that practical. You can agree not to yell or call each other names during a disagreement but do not set the expectation to not have a disagreement. That is not being realistic. You are setting your marriage up for failure if you do this. Both partners need to agree upon the expectations for the marriage.

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Setting a goal of having a healthy lifetime marriage is like setting a mile marker in front of you that is always moving just far enough ahead to allow you to keep the goal in site but always another step to go.

Do not accept a negative attitude at any time from either partner. Always look at your marriage in a positive light. Acknowledge the positive attitudes and personality of your spouse. Do not dwell on the negative behaviors. You build up the positive and that is what you will see more of. If you focus on the negative behavior you will get more of the negative behavior. What a surprise! You though the one to change the negative behavior was the spouse with the negative behavior. It really does not work that way. You get what you see and give attention to.

You should show extra tender loving care toward your spouse. What is tender loving care? It is simply the do in love. Politicians are thought to be good politicians when they put action behind their campaign promises. In a healthy marriage you will find two partners who put action behind their words of love. Tender loving care provides needed nurturing to the relationship.

Using effective communication is more than just talking, it actually requires more listening than talking. Customer service training teaches you to ask open ended questions rather than closed ended questions. Open ended questions start with how, when, and where. When asked these questions require the other person to carry out a dialog and you listen. Closed ended questions such as Did, Could, Would can be answered with a mere yes or no and often get answered with just a nod of the head. Do you want to open your partner up for communication then ask open ended questions?

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However there are some things that may hinder a person to make a marriage work and that will surely have great effects on the relationship's outcome.

Marriage or any commitment is a two-way relationship and it should always be considered as a thing that will be more effective without the participation of the other. Couples need to be aware that they need to do their part to make a relationship work or else they should really get themselves prepared for a disastrous turn-out of their relationship.

• Couples need to be aware of the things that make each other comfortable. Marriage should be the best reason to be confident even with all the flaws and by making this possible any sort of discomfort can be avoided without much problem.
• Couples have to be aware of the other person's needs. Some things need not be spoken and becoming married is not an excuse to become less attentive to your partner's needs.
• Couples should bring the best out of each other. Take time to find ways to bring the best out of a person by buying lovely things like a Tahitian pearl necklace or a black pearl necklace that will make her happy. Pearls have that dazzling effects on persons and for sure even the simplest akoya pearl necklace will add up to your partner's beauty.
• Couples should continue nurturing the love that they have treasured for long. Simple yet thoughtful acts should really make a person light-hearted at all times and it will matter so much to be aware that someone is always there to care for you.
• Couples need to be there for each other especially when time gets tough. There be no better person to cheer one up other than the person to whom one depends on. Make your loved-one feel your presence especially at times when everything seems to go wrong.

It is truly important for a person to live up to the promises made. Things may suddenly have its twists and turns so it will definitely make a difference to appear really tough in spite of all the threats that may weaken a relationship.

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You really only need two things to get the job done. I know that seems ridiculously simple, considering how complex human relationships are and how bleak things probably seem right now as your relationship seems to be sliding into divorce. Nonetheless, it's true. If you have two things, you can save your marriage.

You need a willingness to take action. Marriages aren't saved with worrying, frustration, fear or sadness. Marriages aren't saved with wishful thinking, hoping or by faith alone, either. Love can find a way, it really can. But if you want to prevent divorce, you're going to need to step forward and guide your heart to success.


You're not going to accidentally stumble upon some sort of magical solution to all of your problems. You're not going to guess the right way to stop a divorce. You can't rely on instincts or advice from well-intended but unqualified friends and family members. If you've been asking "where can I figure out how to fix my marriage", here's the answer:

You need expert advice and a blueprint that will march you through the process of saving your special relationship. You need good advice and sage wisdom from honest-to-goodness professionals who are committed to understanding the vagaries of the human heart, experts who know what can really save a marriage.

You can do it. If you can combine a good plan with a willingness to take action, you won't be wondering "how to fix my marriage" or "how to stop my divorce". Instead, you'll be moving forward and actually doing it.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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Author's Bio: 

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