I Ended Up Separated Because Of My Mid Life Crisis, How Do I Get My Spouse Back? Do Some In Midlife Crisis Return To Spouse

Contrary to historical beliefs, a midlife crisis is not a male only syndrome. Wives, as well as husbands, can be swept up in this whirlwind of aging anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of the future. A midlife crisis, usually affecting adults in their 40s or 50s, does not have to mean the end of your marriage. One thing is for certain, no matter which spouse is going through the crisis, both of you will likely get hurt, especially if you are blindsided by it.

A midlife crisis for men is that time in their life when they are suddenly punched in the gut by the fact that they are aging. It is that time when you realize that the newcomers at work are not really getting younger and younger, it is you who is getting older. You may be facing retirement and uncertainty in the financial aspects of that time of life. The children are grown and have children of their own. How did that happen? How did life slip by so quickly?

For women, a midlife crisis may mean getting that empty nest syndrome when the children are grown and have moved out of the house. Your role as a caretaker has been substantially cut, you feel worthless and unnecessary. Now you realize that you are not as young as you used to be, so you add unattractive to your list of cons.

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Midlife may be the 'white water' section on the river of marriage. It may seem as if your marriage will not survive. Your marriage can survive if you remember these tips:

1. Hang on to your sanity. Keep reminding yourself that it is only temporary. You may not be able to stop the crisis, but you and your spouse can ride it out.

2. Stay committed. No matter what happens, vow to stay committed to the marriage. You may have an unbearable desire to have an affair or just get a divorce. Do not make any major decisions concerning your marriage until the crisis has passed.

3. Cling to your values. If you once believed in 'for better or for worse,' keep believing and stick to it. Take some time out from the panic of midlife and think about the values you have held most of your life. Resolve to keep those values intact.

Getting through a midlife crisis is never easy. The chance that a midlife crisis will leave wounded behind is fairly great, but it does not have to leave casualties behind.

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When you are looking for ways to save marriage from midlife crisis, start with understanding what a midlife crisis is. This way, you'll find that saving your marriage won't be as hard as you think it will be. What, exactly, IS a mid-life crisis?

As we get older, there comes a point where we change. These changes are not only physical, as balding or weight gain. Other things change, as well. Emotional changes, social changes, lifestyle changes happen, too. What do all of these changes mean? For some people, it turns their world upside down, and they find that they either can't, or won't accept these changes. This is what leads to a midlife crisis.

What does this have to do with marriage? EVERYTHING!

When someone is frustrated about these dramatic changes in their life, that frustration wears on the marriage. The spouse dealing with the crisis doesn't know how to stop things from happening, or what to do, and the spouse dealing with their partner suffering doesn't know how to help them.

How can you tell when your spouse is going through midlife crisis? They will probably start to change the way they look. They may dress differently, get a new style of haircut, or start to work out. These changes may seem like your spouse is having an affair, but don't let yourself think that way. These changes are only to make him/her feel better about themselves. They HAVE to find a way to be happy with themselves.

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If your spouse is going through this, and is starting to neglect you and your marriage, it gets confusing, and can be hard to deal with.

Remember that this is just a stage of life. Many, many people, both men and women, go through this stage. Just as children go through adolescence, adults go through a mid-life change. The way we deal with this change either makes it fun, or makes it a crisis.

So how can you save your marriage through this? You can stay calm, and be patient. Your spouse needs you now more than ever. This WILL end. Talk to your spouse about what is going on. Spend some quality time with each other. Some one-on-one time. Tell your spouse that you understand they are going through changes, and that you are there for them.

When you want to save marriage from midlife crisis, do your best to be patient. If your spouse is acting different towards you, take it in stride. They don't mean to harm you in any way, or make you miserable. They may just be so busy trying to figure out what's going on with themselves, they become engrossed in trying to fix things.

Keep talking about what's going on with your spouse, and offer your support. By spending time with each other, you will find that it will be easier to get through this difficult time, and you will be able to save your marriage.

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Wanting a stronger marriage does not mean that you are in a bad marriage. It simply means that there is room for improvement. When we are newlyweds, we are unstoppable. Our love is strong, our commitment is deep, and the world is ours.

Then real life kicks in. Careers, bills, kids, and several other factors begin to eat away at our marriages, sometimes without us even noticing. Our relationships can easily become ho hum and hum drum. And before you know it, you have become more like roommates than husband and wife.

But hope is not lost! You have the power to reinvent and recreate your marriage every day. It will take some effort but it can be done. Marriage is give and take. You would be surprised at how giving a little more than taking will improve your marriage.

My husband and I have faced some real challenges in our five years of marriage. Our biggest problems have been financial, which has a trickle down effect into other areas. We went through a period of just really not liking each other at all. And I'm sad to admit, divorce crossed my mind SEVERAL times. I think what saved us was PRAYER.

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I am a hot head so I really had to pray and ask God to enable me to be a peacemaker in the relationship. I had to pray and ask God to help me, to show my husband love even though I didn't like him at the time. And I am pretty sure God had to help him with all of the things he was not liking about me as well!

Commitment was another factor. We were both committed to our marriage and working through our issues. It was not easy but we hung in there. And now we do have a stronger marriage.

Patience, you must have patience. You know how gold is refined by going through fire? So it is with marriage. And sometimes it can be a slow roast, let me tell ya!

The future, look forward to the future. Remember the limitless possibilities when you first got married? They are still there. Find a way to have fun and make it happen.

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Years ago I made a choice that I wouldn't talk negatively about my wife to or in front of others and I've stuck to it. I'll brag on her any chance I get but won't put her down before others. As a husband, my responsibility is to build her up and help her become the person God wants her to be. If I speak negatively about her to others and it gets back to her, that will discourage her and tear her down. Also, when speaking negatively about her, I'm putting myself down because I chose to marry her. I didn't realize it, but she made the same commitment about me.

It's amazing what a blessing this commitment has been to our marriage. When my wife goes out with friends, I know she won't talk bad about me to them. The next time I see those friends, I don't have to wonder if they're thinking negative thoughts about me because of something she's said.

If you talk negatively about your spouse to your friends, you're only presenting one side of the situation and those friends can develop a bad attitude about your spouse and tell others. If word gets back to your spouse (and somehow it usually does) it's going to damage your relationship. When you spend time with those friends, your mate will wonder what bad things you're sharing this time, even if you're not saying anything about your mate to them.

You may give the push back that you need to talk about those things to help you better deal with them. If you need to talk to someone about the negative issues with your spouse, start by talking to God. There are times when you need to go to God and unload your frustration or resentment. That's OK. He can handle it, but if that's all you do on a consistent basis, you can actually compound the problem. By focusing on the issues, you're reinforcing them in your own mind and they tend to grow a bit worse with each telling. What should you do?

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Take the issues to God one at a time, but instead of complaining about them, ask God to reveal to you the reason why they bother you so much. Is it a selfish reason, an unmet expectation, or are you upset about something unrelated and are looking for negative things as a result? Are you doing something, without even realizing it, that's making your spouse act that way? Have you talked with your spouse about it or just assumed they should know it bothers you? Ask God to help you see the situation from his perspective and reveal how you may be contributing to the problem. Then ask him to help you change any wrong thoughts or attitudes on your part and to see your spouse as God sees them.

If you find you still need to talk to someone, choose that person wisely and don't go just to vent. Don't go to someone who will just side with you, but will look at the situation from both perspectives so they can give you proper advice. A great thing to do is to find a couple that has been married 10 or more years longer than you, that has a close and loving relationship. Instead of launching into your situation, take time to ask them for advice on what's helped make their marriage strong. See if they would be willing to help mentor you in your marriage relationship and then be willing to follow their advice.

To close this article, I'd like to give you a two-part challenge.

Part 1: Ask yourself and God if you've spoken negatively about your spouse this past month. If you're not sure, ask God to bring specific instances to mind if you have. Then talk with God about it and make a commitment that you won't speak negatively about your mate from this point forward.

Part 2: Look for opportunities this week where you can speak positively about your spouse and even brag on them a bit. When doing so, make sure the words are genuine and come from the heart and aren't just spoken to make them feel good or make you look good.

When you consistently speak positively about your spouse, you won't have to worry about what'll happen if they find out what you said. I don't know about you, but when I hear that someone has said something positive about me, it makes me feel good inside. Isn't that something you want for your spouse?

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com