In Order To...

Lets talk about hidden agendas, shall we? The term “hidden agenda” can be a bit confusing. We may know we have expectations when communicating , and then again we may not. (An expectation is an underlying agenda that we hope to achieve.) Sometimes it’s even hidden from us. That’s why I like the phrase “In Order To”. It’s a simple way to ask yourself if the conversation is pure, authentic and honest. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about ~ When someone asks their spouse, “Are you going into the office early tomorrow?” You can almost always assume there is something behind that question. Well, I guess there is that rare occasion when someone asks that question just for the simple yes or no, but more often than not ~ there’s something hidden. What’s really being said is, “Are you going into the office early tomorrow? I’m asking “in order to” find out if you’d be available to drive the kids to school.” I call this dysfunctional communication because it’s not honest.
Honest, authentic, pure conversation is “saying what you mean and meaning what you say”. It doesn’t leave the other person guessing and trying to fill in the blanks. I’ve caught myself many times right on the brink of saying something and then realize I’ve got an “in order to” going on. It’s a very handy little tool to measure the intent before words are spoken. Are you making that comment “in order to” make her feel bad? Are you requiring your children to act a certain way “in order to” look like a good parent? Are you refusing to take out the trash “in order to” prove a point? Are you delaying starting to prepare dinner “in order to” get your husband to take you out? When we are aware, we can choose to communicate different. It’s amazing how people respond when the communication is authentic. So, next time you are speaking to a loved one ~ ask yourself, is there an in order to going on?