Infidelity and the Road to Recovery

Yes, you can recover from the tragedy that infidelity is, but it may take some time. Probably best to think in terms of twelve months minimum, and most likely two years.

This may not be what you want to hear just now, as you may be at the very beginning of your trauma. However, don't think that you will be feeling the same way as you do now, in twelve months.

Sure, it will still be painfull in twelve months, but nothing like it is in the initial stages. In the beginning there is shock, and lots of it. That feeling of having the ground beneath one's feet removed it all too common.

That stage is almost unbearable, those first few weeks where you can't see how you will ever get over the trauma, you're raw and struggling to find land as you slosh around in the great sea.

At this time you would probably be advised to select your best friends and family members and start talking. Get it out, unload, and don't keep anything back. Just about the worst thing you could do is to keep it to yourself and remain silent.

If you're lucky, you will find one or two people amongst all your friends and family that will listen, and not try to influence you or make you more angry than you already are. Sure, you want them to be on your side, but you don't want them flaming your partner and thus

making the situation worse.

Choosing the help of a professional such as a councellor would be a wise choice, even if you've decided that your relationship is over. A good councellor ( find one that you're happy with ), will guide you towards areas that you would find difficult to approach by yourself,

and thus move you into the central states of your experience. Infidelity affects people in different ways, albeit that the overall effect is extremely painful. But some people find that anger is there dominant emotion, whilst others find it may be self-worth or guilt.

Either way, a good councellor will guide you gently toward looking internally at the various thought and emotions you are experiencing.

One of the most difficult aspects of infidelity and the road to recovery is that the positive changes are often small incremental steps, and those steps forward often seem inconsequential.

Of course, you want to feel better immediately, you want the horrendous thoughts and feelings to stop right now. They won't. Be prepared for a marathon, and not a hundred-yard dash.