If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that there are a number of areas of their life that are not how they want them to be. For example, they may find that most of their relationships are not very functional and they might not have been able to make much progress in their life.

When it comes to why their life is this way, they could believe that they are just ‘unlucky’ or ‘unfortunate’. What is going ‘out there’ is then going to be out of their control and they will have to wait until their circumstances change.

A Bleak Existence

If they have this outlook, it is not going to be a surprise if they often feel down and depressed and totally helpless. Along with this, they could see themselves as a powerless victim.

Therefore, not only will they be ‘unlucky’ but there will be people out there, who want to hold them back and to harm them. As a result of this, they could carry a lot of anger and rage, and be loaded up with resentment.

The Problem

Consequently, they will be convinced that what is going on ‘out there’ needs to change in order for their life to change. Having to wait for this to happen is likely to cause them to experience a fair amount of frustration.

There could even be times when they imagine someone or something coming to their rescue and changing their life, thereby liberating them in the process. Ultimately, they won’t believe that they have the power to change their life.

Just An Bystander

So, although one will be the common dominator, they won’t see themselves as playing a part in what is going on. According to their ego-mind, and their eyes, they will be nothing more than a passive observer of what is taking place.

But, with this aside, one is not happy with what is going on, so it could be said that it is quite clear that they are not playing a part in how they are experiencing life. Without a doubt, no one in their right mind would choose to experience life in this way.

Going Deeper

However, while they are not consciously choosing to experience life in this way, it doesn’t mean that they are not playing a part in what is going on. What needs to be understood here is that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind.

Yet, when one is not aware of the fact that there are two parts of their being that influence their life, it will be perfectly normal for them to see themselves as a powerless victim. This also means that most of what shows in their life is not something that they consciously bring into existence.

Seeing the connection

With this in mind, the answers that they are looking for, when it comes to why their life is the way that it is, will be found deep within them. Focusing solely on what is going on externally and being consumed by what is going on ‘out there’ will be a waste of their precious time and energy and it will keep them stuck.

This will be a time when they will need to simply observe what is going on externally and what is going on internally, not getting attached to any of it. When they bring their attention away from what is going on externally and out of their mind, the story maker, and into their body, they may connect to their inner child.

Many Parts

This part of them could be in a very bad way, and it can be this part of them that is causing them to live a miserable existence. Or to be more accurate, there can be many different children/parts that are preventing them from living a life that is worth living.

What this illustrates is that even though many years will have passed since they were a child, what they went through all those years ago won’t truly be in the past. Their body will carry the painful experiences of the past and these experiences, along with the meaning that was made out of what took place, will continue to control their life.

A Closer Look

If, then, most of one’s relationships are dysfunctional, it could show that they are carrying at least one inner child/part that feel worthless, unlovable, believes that it deserves to be treated badly and feels comfortable being treated in this way. This could show that one had a less-than nurturing childhood and was, therefore, conditioned to tolerate abuse.

This same inner child/part could also be what is stopping them from being able to move forward in life. In addition to what has been mentioned above, this part of them might not feel safe enough to be seen.

The Solution

Each of the wounded children/parts that are inside them don’t need to be fixed or changed, they simply need to be seen and heard. Each part needs to be given the chance to express what it wasn’t allowed to express all those years ago and for what is expressed to be acknowledged by their adult self.

This is something that will require a certain amount of presence or one will end up merging with this a part of them, which will prevent them from being able to hold the space for their inner children/parts. What this will do is stop them from being able to resolve the conflict that is inside them.


Taking all this into account, the parts of them that are holding them back are not doing it to destroy their life; they are simply in a hell of a lot of pain and are calling out for their attention. Healing these parts won’t take place overnight; in fact, this can be seen as a lifelong process.

Still, that does mean that they will have to suffer forever as one doesn’t need to be completely healed to be able to live a fulfilling life. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for the support of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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