Although someone might not be aware of their inner child, it doesn’t mean that it won’t be having an effect on their life. Their inner child, or their inner children to be more precise as there is more than one child, can be causing them all kinds of problems.

And if one is aware of the term ‘inner child’ but they basically think that this is all a load of rubbish, it doesn’t mean that this part of them won’t be exerting an influence on their life. It’s similar to how one could deny that gravity exists, yet they would still fall down if they were to jump off of a building.

A Closer Look

So regardless of whether it relates to how they behave, what their relationships are like, how they feel, and whether or not they are able to achieve their goals, their inner child is likely to be involved. One can then behave in a way that leads to a negative outcome, which can cause them to wonder what they were thinking.

Perhaps, one reacted negatively to something as opposed to simply responding in a calm manner. As for the people they spend time with, one could struggle to understand why they are drawn to people who are dysfunctional.

A Toxic Area

One could be in a relationship with someone who they are not compatible with or someone who is abusive. To be with someone who is not a match won’t be good but it will be even worse if they are with someone who treats them badly.

Either way, there could be moments when they think about walking away, followed by moments when they have the need to stay where they are. If they have been able to take a step back, they may start to question who or what is actually in control of their life.

Up and Down

At times they may find that they feel good and then, for no apparent reason, they feel down. There could be far more to it, though, with their being times when they feel scared and fearful.

They will look like an adult, but when they go into an emotional state like this, they could feel like a small, powerless child. Their adult resources will disappear, with them needing to be in the company of another person to settle them down again.

One Step Forward, One Step Back

Over the years, they may have had a number of goals that they haven’t been able to achieve. If they were to look back on what happened, they may find that they started and then, before long, they stopped.

Anxiety and fear may have come up, and they may have doubted whether or not they deserved to have what they wanted. To get away from how they felt during these moments, they would have thrown the towel in.

The Saboteur

In each of these examples, ones inner child is likely to be playing a part in what is taking place. However, for them to be able to realise when this part of them is affecting their life, they will need to be able to detach from what is taking place.

If they merge with this part of them, they won’t even realise that they are no longer in touch with their adult self. When this takes place, one won’t be able to be with their inner child as their inner child will have taken over.

A Key Component

Once it has taken over, one won’t be able to listen to what this part of them has to say and to cry out their unmet childhood needs. The only way that they will be able to do this is if they can hold the space for this part of them and to allow it to express whatever it needs to express.

Just as a container will need to be strong in order to hold something, one will need to be strong in order to hold their inner child. As they build up their inner strength, they will be able to allow this part of them to get out what it couldn’t get out all those years ago.

External Support

And in the same way that someone would ask another person to spot for them when they are lifting a heavy weight at the gym, another person can provide them with the presence that they need to work through some of the emotional weight that is within them. By facing their emotional pain in their presence, their adult self will get stronger.

The type of person who will be able to be there for them in this way will be a therapist or a healer. This will be someone who has worked through a lot of their own baggage and has developed a strong adult self, thereby allowing them to be there for them.


As time goes by and their adult self gets stronger, it will be easier for them to be there for this part of them and to allow this part of them to express itself. They won’t need to change or to fix anything; they will just need to be there for this part of them, like a loving caregiver would be there for their child if they were not in a good way.

Doing this work on themselves will most likely allow them to have more control over their behaviour, to have healthy relationships, enable them feel better, and to live a more fulfilling life. The main thing will be for them to keep going and not to give up on themselves.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.