If someone’s inner world was a climate, it might be somewhere that is typically extremely cold. The reason for this is that they might rarely talk to themselves in a kind manner and they could often experience ‘negative’ feelings.

Therefore, when they do have moments when they talk to themselves differently and experience different feelings, it is unlikely to be long until their inner world changes. Naturally living in this way is going to make it hard for them to appreciate the life that they have been given.

The Norm

But, if they have experienced life in this way for quite some time, how they talk to themselves might not stand out. Or, there could be moments when it stands out but these moments could be few and far between.

Either way, they are likely to spend a lot of time feeling low and even depressed. Along with this, they could often feel worthless and question if they want to be on this planet.

A Strong Drive

If they don’t have this inner experience, it could be because they are busy working. By being focused on something, what is going on inside them will be covered up.

What this may mean is that they spend a lot of time working as this will be a very effective way for them to silence their critical inner voice. Yet, although this may work, it will cause them to neglect other areas of their life.

Out of Balance

For example, they might not spend much time with friends or family, they might neglect their health, and rarely take time to relax. If they are not aware of why they ignore these areas of their life, they could believe that they simply dont have the time.

And, if they live in a society that values hard work, how they behave can be seen as normal. They can then receive a lot of positive feedback and often be seen as someone that behaves in the right way.

A Different Experience

At times, however, they might be too exhausted to work and this is when they could soon experience the wrath of their critical inner voice. This can be a time when this part of them sees them as lazy and they could end up feeling guilty and ashamed.

To handle what is going on and to feel better about themselves, they could end up eating or consuming something. Or, they could go against how they feel and find something to do.

An Intruder

Taking this into account, it will be clear that this part of them is not on their side. Instead, it will be a voice that is hell-bent on undermining them and making them feel bad about themselves.

This inner enemy will need to be dealt with or else they will continue to suffer unnecessarily and live a miserable life. Of course, for this to happen, they will need to become aware of what is going on.

The First Step

Once they are aware of what is going on, it will be possible for them to gradually change their inner world. First, though, they could wonder why they have an inner voice that is so critical and anything but loving and supportive.

If their inner world has been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that their early years played a big part in what is going on. What they may find, if they were to explore this stage of their life, is that one or both of their parents were overly critical.

A Tough Time

A stage of their life when they needed warmth, to grow and develop in the right way, would have been a time when they were in an environment that was very cold. To get them to do things, they might have been criticised.

Furthermore, even when they did do something, they might have still been criticised. Thus, no matter what they did, they would have been laid into.

Deeply Deprived

This would have meant that they wouldn’t have received the love that they needed and would have come to see themselves as worthless, not enough and unlovable. As they were egocentric, they wouldn’t have been able to see that how they were treated was a reflection of what was going on for one or both of their parents.

In all likelihood, one or both of their parents also had a very critical inner voice and this meant that what was going on inside them was externalised. During their early years, one or both of their parents was probably overly critical.

The outcome

Putting how their parent or parents were treated to one side, how they were spoken to by one or both of their parents would have ended up being internalised and playing a big part in how they would talk to themselves. They might be able to see that how they talk to themselves is how their parent or parents would often talk to them.

Another part of this is that as their parents or parents now live inside them, they will be doing what they can to please the inner version of them. So, by working hard or just working and trying to be perfect and not make any mistakes, for instance, they will still be struggling to be loved by them.

It’s over

This will illustrate that although this stage of their life is over; they are still trying to meet their unmet developmental need for love. But, as the parent or parents that live inside them are just like they were when they were younger, not to mention that this stage of their life is over, it won’t matter what they do.

If they were to accept that trying to receive love from their inner parent or parents is just as futile as it was when they tried to receive love from them when they were younger, they are likely to come into contact with a lot of pain. Facing and working through this pain and experiencing their unmet developmental needs will be a key part of what will allow them to change their inner world.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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