Just as a group of individuals will be able to make more progress when they work together, someone will also be able to make more progress when they are able to work with themselves. Of course, unlike a group of people, they are one person but they will be made up of many different parts.

As a result of this, from the outside, they will be one person and on the inside, they will be a group of people. A group of people can then be seen as an externalisation of what it is like within them.

A Battle

Now, although the ideal will be for them to generally work with themselves, it doesn’t mean that this will typically take place. There could be a number of parts inside them that are not on their side.

In fact, it might be accurate to say that these parts are there to do what they can to undermine them. Thanks to this, their life is going to be far harder than it needs to be and they could live a miserable existence.

For example

If what is going on inside them was to end up being externalised, it would probably relate to them being an in abusive relationship. Another person could then verbally put them down and even physically harm them.

It could go even further, though, with them having a number of people like this in their life. More or less in every environment that they are in, so at work, at home and with a friend, they will be getting pushed down.

A Mirror

And, as this is what is taking place inside them, there is a strong chance that this is what is taking place in their life or something that is very similar. What is taking place inside them is then going to be reflected back by their external world.

However, if they have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, they could believe that this is just how life is. It is then not going to occur to them that what is taking place externally is an effect of what is taking place for them internally.

In A Very Low Place

It is then not that this is how life is or that they deserve to be treated this way; it is just that their external world mirrors back what is going on for them. The trouble is that even if they were told that their life doesn’t have to be this way, a big part of them could believe that they don’t deserve to experience life in any other way.

Inner State

Thus, in addition to the hell that they are likely to experience externally, there will be the hell that they experience internally. What can be normal is for them to feel worthless, deeply ashamed, guilty and helpless and have moments when they just want to die.

Additionally, they can have an inner voice that often lays into them, saying things to them that make them feel like they are nothing and don’t deserve to exist. Consequently, they are likely to spend a lot of time in a very deep hole.


Getting out of bed each day could be a struggle, too and they won’t need anyone ‘out there’ to say anything bad to them as they are likely to already be worn down. Their life is going to be more like a curse than a blessing.

What is clear is that they need support; the challenge is that, due to how bad they feel about themselves, this could be the last thing on their mind. They could feel so ashamed of their needs and themselves, that reaching out for support is not seen as an option.

What’s going on?

If they were able to step back and reflect on their life, they could wonder why they are this way. It could be clear that they are not going to be able to live a life that is worth living as long as they are their own worst enemy.

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were brutal. This may have been a time when they were abused in a number of different ways and were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The Outcome

At this stage of their life, they would have been egocentric, which could have caused them to personalise what took place. They would then have come to believe that they were treated badly and as though they were nothing because there was something inherently wrong with them, were unlovable and didn’t deserve to exist.

The hate that was directed toward them would then have been internalised, with them hating themselves. Their being is then going to be saturated by many parts that are full of self-hate and shame and these parts are going to be what are undermining them.

Generational Abuse

Most likely, one or both of their parents were also treated in this way dung their formative years. But, as they were unable to become aware of what happened or deal with any of their wounds, for whatever reason, they ended up passing on what was done to them.

How they were treated was then not personal; it was not a reflection of their worth, how lovable they are, or how deserving they are of being there. The truth is that they have inherent value, are lovable and deserve to be here.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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