Intimacy During Separation: Does It Mean That You're More Likely To Get Back Together If You're Separated But Still Having Sex

Some of the people who contact me about successfully handling a separation and saving their marriage don't have a lot of access to their spouse and are trying to change this. But, others have regular and intimate access to their spouse - sometimes so much that the couple are still continuing to have sex even during the separation. Many people in this situation want to know what continuing to be physically intimate during a separation really means in terms of saving their marriage. Many ask me if this is a good sign or means that they have a better chance of getting back together.

I recently heard from a wife who was in this situation. She said, in part: "my husband and I have been separated for about six weeks because of repetitive marital problems that don't seem to improve. Right now, we're leaving things open ended as far as a divorce goes. Neither of us has filed or intends to, at least for the time being. I'm glad because I never wanted the separation and I certainly don't want the divorce. So I'm trying to handle the separation in a way that ensures that we will get back together and save the marriage. What I'm really confused about is the fact that we're still having sex. Many times when my husband needs to come by or we run into one another, we end up in the bedroom being intimate. It doesn't seem to be planned, and I don't question it because I don't want it to end. Every time it's over, I hope that it means that he'll want to come back and end the separation, but so far it hasn't meant that at all. He acts like nothing has ever happened and it doesn't seem to improve the situation. We still haven't made any progress on our marital problems. What does it mean if you're separated and still having sex? Does it mean that you have a better chance of getting back together?" I'll try to address these concerns in the following article.

Having Sex After You're Separated Doesn't Always Mean That You Will (Or Are) Getting Back Together, But It Can Sometimes Be A Good Sign: Many of the people who ask me about this (wives in particular) often assume that continuing to have sex throughout the separation means that things are improving and that they now have a better chance of saving the marriage and getting back together. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. Sex can mean very different things to each spouse, but it doesn't always have positive (or any) ramifications for your marriage.

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Sometimes, sex is a way to connect as you are both struggling to deal with the changes in the status of your relationship. Other times, it's seeking a release or reaching out to someone who is very familiar and comforting to you. With that said, sometimes it can be a good sign. It often means that you are still attracted to one another and have a physical connection which can give you something to build upon in the future. I hear from countless couples who indicate that there is no spark left between them whatsoever. So if you still have enough spark that you find yourself falling into bed with the spouse from whom you are separated on a regular basis, this can sometimes be a pretty good indication that a connection or attraction is still there. And sometimes, this connects you enough so that you're motivated to do more and to work harder to save the marriage.

Sex During The Separation Can Mean Very Different Things To Both Spouses: Another issue to consider is that often, continuing to have sex means very different things to each spouse. For example, often women (or the spouse who did not want the separation) will have a very emotional response and connection during the sex. For them, the act of having sex is a way to reconnect with (and often an attempt to hold onto) their marriage and their spouse. Sometimes, if it was the wife who wanted or pushed for a separation and then it's the wife who initiates the sex, this can be a good sign since many women have emotional responses or motivations for physical intimacy.

On the other side of this issue, often men (or the spouse who wanted or pushed for the separation) will have less of an emotional and more of a physical response. They aren't necessarily having sex because they want to get back together or because they are acting on any deep emotional feelings (although they certainly might be.) Sometimes, they are a bit confused or unsure about the separation or the relationship and are reacting to the same. Sex with a reluctant spouse who wanted the separation can mean that they are now unsure if they want to leave the marriage, but this isn't always a safe assumption.

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How To Handle It If You're Unsure What Sex Means During Your Martial Or Trial Separation: Although many people in this situation see the sex as positive sign or prefer still having sex over not having any contact at all with their spouse, many are quite confused and unsure. The sex often leaves them wondering if they are being taken advantage of or if they are getting their hopes up only to later have them dashed.

If you're enjoying the sex, don't have mixed feelings about it, and it doesn't leave you with questions to which you want answers, then it's certainly possible that you're going to continue on with the sexual relationship until it's clear that you're either getting back together or you can't or don't want to go down that path any longer.

But if you have your doubts about what all of this means and you worry that you're going to get hurt in the end, you might want to open up some dialog with your spouse to see what they're feeling. You don't have to insinuate that you're assuming that you'll reconcile or that you're hanging all of your hopes on the regular sex, but you might tell them that it's difficult for you to connect physically when you don't know what's going to happen in the future. This gives them the opportunity to either offer you reassurance or clarification or to realize that taking advantage of the situation is the wrong path to take if they have no intention of reconciling.

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People say that saving your marriage by yourself is disastrous and impossible! However, many couples have shared their experiences and have proven that you can save your marriage even if your spouse is not interested. Let me show you how possible it is to save your marriage by yourself. Here's what you must do.

The first key to trying to save your marriage by yourself is to change yourself. It doesn't mean changing the way you dress, the way you talk or the way you are in general. It means to change your approach to your marriage problems. Instead of nagging and pointing fingers on who's to blame, why not focus on what you can do save your marriage. Be objective and widen your perspective on the problem.

Sometimes, it's not just one person is to be blamed. You should consider your shortcomings as well and try to change them. Don't put out the fire with gasoline. Give yourselves some space and peace of mind. Refrain from arguing and blaming. Most couples attack each other instead of attacking the problem.

Do not force your spouse to change his or her mind right away. If he/she is unwilling to meet you half way in trying to save your marriage, don't push your spouse. Don't try to convince him/her in your crusade to save your failing marriage. If you do so, it becomes more impossible for your spouse to agree with you.

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Instead, back off a little bit and change your course. Be less persuasive and be gentler towards your spouse. Show your spouse that you are respectful of his/her position and perceptions instead of implying that he/she is wrong.

Another important lesson you should learn is to let go of negative emotions. While it is natural and common to be angry, depressed and be emotionally hurt by an unfaithful spouse, deal with these feelings as soon as you can and try to rise above these negative emotions in order that you can stay focused on your mission on saving your marriage by yourself. Do not cry, beg or plead with your spouse. Avoid making constant calls or emails or showing up at your spouse's work place unannounced. These annoying actions will make you even less desirable and give more reason for your spouse not to participate in saving your marriage. Instead, be calm and rational. Find other productive things to focus on to get your mind off the negative feelings you have.

It is never too late to take steps in saving your marriage by yourself as long as your spouse is willing to take the steps and right the wrong. If at first your spouse is unwilling to take part in saving your marriage, you just need to take time and be more patient. Let your actions speak louder than your words.

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For a myriad of reasons that vary by circumstance and the individual, many couples put off or immediately dismiss the idea of getting marriage counseling, making a common but critical mistake that just may cost them their marriage in the long run. But, when you should actively seek counseling, and what difference can it possibly make in a marriage that's nearing the end?

While you may think you know everything there is to possibly know about marriage, love, and relationships, you don't, and neither does your spouse, which is why getting an educated, third opinion is so important when it comes to saving your marriage. While counselors aren't magicians or miracle workers, they definitely do have the tools necessary to help you both see things from other perspectives and to improve your relationship together, as one.

Sometimes, people may feel threatened by the idea of speaking with a counselor or therapist, for fear they'll be perceived or portrayed as "crazy" or unable to handle their own relationships or issues. Wipe this misconception from your mind immediately as it has no validity and couldn't be further from the truth. What is crazy, on the other hand, is knowing that you have a problem, and then sitting back not doing anything about it.

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Acknowledging that there is a problem is and then working to fix it is wise, responsible, and it shows that you really do care about your marriage and agree that this is the time when you need counseling to help make it better. A therapist can do nothing on their own without the full cooperation of both people in the marriage. Rather than viewing it as a weakness that you "need" counseling, see it for what it really is, an honest effort to do the right thing to save your marriage.

In most instances, the "right" time to seek marriage counseling is when it's obvious that something is wrong, or when you've tried many times on your own to change whatever has made your marriage something neither of you are happy with. You know that your relationship is on the rocks, but try as you might, you just can't seem to get to the root of the problem yourselves, or have a productive discussion without arguing.

Marriage counseling doesn't always end in reconciliation with a celebration of wine and roses or the renewal of your vows. The harsh reality is that sometimes, counseling is beneficial in that it allows you both to come to the realization that you may be better off apart. Just some of the topics a licensed counselor or therapist can help you with include dealing with matters of infidelity, abuse, anger issues, finances, as well as other problems like coping with infertility, substance abuse, communication, or parenting issues.

Don't waste anymore time second guessing your instincts, start looking for a counselor with credentials you trust and inquire about a free consultation that both of you attend so you can see whether or not you feel comfortable with proceeding onward and what, if anything, you both can do to salvage your marriage and improve your relationship.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

It is hard to take pleasure in anything, anything at all when you have a broken heart. I will not try to cheer you up; instead I will give you these five tips to get back your husband. Action you can take to bring you a sense of control and hope over your circumstances and your life.

Tip 1. Light up when you see your spouse enter a room. This will give your husband a sense of importance.

Tip 2. Talk about your spouse in a flattering way to others. The biggest flattery comes by way of rumor or second hand "So and so was saying how amazing you are" This will make your man feel really good!

Tip 3. Think of a warm romantic moment from your past when ever you speak with your husband about anything. This feeling will move in your husband through your words and also through your eyes.

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Tip 4. Take your time to look and feel good. Personal appearance is so often overlooked and the better you look the better you will feel. This dose more for you than you could know but that is for another time.

Tip 5. Do one selfish thing with your time to put you around new people. This will set the tone in your personal life for a little unpredictability and mystery.

These five tips to get back your husband will give you a sense control and bring your hope back, as your husband starts to notice your changes. You should start to notice a change in your husband as well. If you fallow all five steps you will see changes in your self as well as in your husband. Remember this one thing before I leave you, flattery will get you everywhere with your husband unless it is phony. So only say the things you believe to be true about him, or he will know it.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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