Involve, Don’t Prescribe - Performance Conversation Tips

I can listen to another person's problems or complaints and tell them exactly what they should do. Can't you? It's easy for us to see what others need to do to fix a problem, resolve a conflict, or find happiness. But for some reason, they don't usually take our advice, do they?

Managers often get into the job of management because they are really good at solving problems or getting stuff done. Often, managers are promoted because they are the best technicians. It makes sense that they should be able to tell others how to do the job because they are so good at it. The problem is that few of us want to be told what to do.

This month's tip is to involve employees in finding solutions rather than prescribing the solutions for them. When we tell someone what they need to do, especially when our advice is not asked for, it's kind of like wagging your finger in their face. No one likes to be told what to do. Some warning signs that you are being prescriptive, rather than involving others in the solution are when you begin your sentences with:

"You need to. . . "
"You should. . ."
"You'd be better off/more successful/happier if you would. . ."
"If I were you I would. . ."

Instead of telling the employee what to do, find agreement with them about the problem and then ask them to contribute to the solution. If they don't agree that there is an issue or if they don't acknowledge that a change needs to be made, they are unlikely to do what you tell them to do anyway. Complying with your directions is not the same as owning the solution.

This month, monitor your conversations with employees. Catch yourself when you find those prescriptive words coming out of your mouth. Instead of telling the employee the answer, ask them what they think.