For a little while, someone may have experienced thoughts that are having a negative effect on their wellbeing. Along with these thoughts, there can be feelings that also arise.

These thoughts and feelings are then not going to be positive and empowering; they will be negative and disempowering. Moreover, they can have very little if any connection with reality.

For Example

Said another way, they will be irrational and, therefore, there will be no reason for them to experience them. So, if they were to step back and reflect on what often goes through their mind, a number of thought patterns may stand out.

They could find that, although they are in a loving and supportive relationship, they continually think about how they are going to end up being rejected and left. If they have a job that they enjoy, they could also often think about how it’s only a matter of time before they will be fired and will no longer be able to survive.

The Other Part

If they are in this position and often have these thoughts as well as others, it is going to be normal for them to experience a number of ‘negative’ feelings. Together, these two elements will create a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress.

What is going on within them is then going to have an impact on how they behave and they could even end up doing something, or a number of things, that will lead to the very thing that they fear. For example, they could act very needy and end up pushing their partner away, or their performance could drop at work and this could cause them to end up losing their job.

The Next Step

At this point, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for external support so that they can change their life. If they were to end up working with a cognitive behavioural therapist, they could end up being told their thoughts are ‘irrational’.

This can then be a time when they will be encouraged to question their thoughts and to replace them with more ‘rational’ thoughts. By engaging in this process and perhaps doing other things to change what is going on in their mind, they may find that they begin to have thoughts and feelings that are more ‘rational’.

The outcome

Consequently, they will be able to be more present when it comes to their relationship and to embrace what it is really like. As for their job, they can go back to being able to function at their best and this area of their life could even improve.

From this, it will be clear that their ‘irrational’ thoughts were the cause of their problems. Thanks to how different their life is, they could be relieved and deeply grateful.

Another Angle

However, even if this approach works, what if the thoughts and feelings that they had were not completely irrational? Of course, in the here and now, they would have been irrational, but, if their history was taken into account, they could be completely rational.

The trouble is that if it is only their conscious mind and the here and now that is taken into account, it is to be expected that certain thoughts and feelings will be seen as irrational. It will then be as if they begin and end with their conscious mind.

A Surface Level Approach

Their unconscious mind is then not going to be mentioned let alone explored, and this means that the impact that it is having on their life will be overlooked. This part of them contains material that they had to repress as a child and have repressed as an adult.

When it comes to their early years, there will be the pain, unmet developmental needs and parts of themselves that had to be removed from their conscious awareness. But, although this material will be held in another part of them, it will still have an impact on what is taking place in their conscious mind.

Going Deeper

Now, as they had thoughts that related to them being rejected and left and no longer being able to survive, there is a chance that their early years were a time when they were often rejected, left and felt like they were going to die. This could show that both their mother and perhaps father were emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them.

As they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage, they were unable to change what was going on or to find another mother and perhaps a father. Due to this, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs in order to allow them to keep it together and function.

The next Stage

The years would have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten all about what took place but their unconscious mind wouldn’t have. This part of them, that has no sense of time and is unable to see clearly, will continually project their past onto their present.

The reason for this is that as they had to repress how they felt and were unable to face and integrate it, what happened will be seen as something that will happen. Without this understanding, it will be perfectly normal for what is taking place in one part of them, their couscous mind, to be seen as being ‘irrational’.

Getting To The Root

With this in mind, changing what is going on in their mind will have allowed them to deal with a symptom of something that is a consequence of a much deeper issue, but it won’t have done much else. The pain will still be inside them and sooner or later, it is likely to make itself known again.

Alternatively, if it is unable to break through to their conscious awareness, due to the defences that they have erected, it could end up having an impact on their physical health. This shows how important it is to see the mind as a messenger as opposed to something that is simply playing up and causing unnecessary problems.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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