One of my Inner Circle members asked what she should do about feeling unsure because the guy she is dating (not exclusively) is nice to other women. My advice follows, and I would love your thoughts:

There is a different way to look at this. If he is a nice man, he will be nice to everyone, even pretty women. That is a good thing.

Remind yourself that at this stage of getting acquainted, you need to step back a bit and remind yourself that the best thing to do is to allow things to unfold in their own way, in their own time. He is not yours yet, you are still getting to know each other so you can determine if you want to become a couple. Women tend to forget that this is what I call the time for Due Diligence meaning, the time to investigate to determine if this is a person you want to move forward with.

And here is something that is essential to becoming a truly happy woman: Attachment is what causes all of life is suffering. In this case, you are attached to him being interested in only you. You are attached to him giving only you his attention. Can you see how that sounds when you look at it from that perspective? If your girlfriend asked you for the same advice, what would you tell her?

It is not about controlling your emotions, it is about letting them go and replacing them with whatever thoughts and feelings calm you, or make you happy. When you feel the bad feelings coming on, simply remind yourself that it is just you being attached to something, expecting a certain outcome, expecting someone else to behave the way you want them to, ignoring what they might want.

Remember too that when you are first dating, you should be paying attention to how he is as a person, his habits, style of interacting with you and others, how kind, thoughtful, appreciative (or not) that he is.

There is a WHOLE lot more to starting a relationship than how attracted you are to him. End of my advice.

She wrote back and said it might be borderline flirting, and if that was disrespectful. This is what I wrote back to her:

That really depends on how he is with everyone. I tend to flirt with everyone. Men, women, kids. Meaning, I am playful and like to get them smiling. My boyfriend does the same.

If he is nice in that flirty way with everyone, then that is his personality. if it is only with attractive women, then that is telling you something about him that might not work for you.

What he is doing now, when he is putting his best self forward, is who he is. If it does not work, then you are doing what the early stages are for: determining if you are a good fit.

This is where your sense of self-love and a connection with your Inner Wise Woman are to be used as your filter. End of my advice.

One of the most important pieces of the dating puzzle is being able to see that even though a man might be good looking, have his financial life in order, is fun, and has a variety of other good qualities, if there is just one thing that is not okay about him, then he is not the right one.

But pay attention to this, it must be what I call, an Intolerable Male Quality, for it to be a deal breaker.

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Author's Bio: 

Kara Oh, Relationship coach, best-selling author and public speaker, offers a full range of products and services to assist women and men with everything they need to create fulfilling relationships that are filled with love, playfulness, romance and passion. Whether you are single and looking for the right partner, involved and frustrated, or married and struggling with everything from an affair to falling out of love, her unique resources offer everything that you need to enjoy the kind of relationship you

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