Is It My Job To Make My Wife Happy: Am I Responsible For My Spouse's Happiness

Being a husband has never been easy. It's the sole responsibility where almost everyone depends on you and your income. But now, things are changing compared to long ago. Today's wives are helping by working and adding to the income. But their tasks have become harder as they have to look after the house too.

On top of these, a wife also has the responsibility to please her husband, save and maintain love, romance and excitement in her relationship and marriage. Many sacrifices have to be done to achieve this and that's very tiring for a wife.

There are ups and downs in every marriage, so whenever you face troubles, it's not only the wife to be blamed. The husband has his equal share. Therefore, finding a solution calls for both husband and wife and not only the wife.

Keeping your wife happy depends on many factors and not solely on you. But the majority contribution must come from you.

Another important aspect of human nature is that both the husband and the wife should understand that women differ from men in all characteristics. You don't have the same needs and you rarely share the same point of view. If you want to save your relationship and keep your wife happy, it's very important that you know at least some of the differences. For instance how both react to relationship issues.

You can get these differences in books, e-books and from relationship therapists. Its high probable that your wife may not be interested in these things but let me tell you that if you are planning to rescue your marriage or enhance romance in your love life, then consulting these books will be of great help.

If you want to keep your wife happy, learn how to understand her point of view and respect her for the things she does for the house. From time to time, help her with the kitchen work or with cleaning. She may feel relieved and she'll love you more.

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Years ago, women looked after the children and the home. In the last fifty years or so, women more and more have gone to work to earn alongside their husbands. So now women still have the responsibility of the home and children, but now they have to work as well. No wonder so many women suffer with depression! So, how to make your wife happy?

The thing is, unfortunately women cannot have it all, or do it all. Not without huge personal sacrifice and exhaustion! Constant working from dawn to nightfall, working at a paid job as well as working inside the home will only lead to terrible fatigue.

Your wife isn't the only one in the relationship, and the responsibility is not all hers. She shouldn't be the one to have to sort out any problems in the relationship. She should not have the sole responsibility to make sure that everyone is happy.

By the same token, you husbands don't have all the responsibility either. You husbands and wives both have to work together to make one another happy. While one person can drastically improve the relationship, the whole responsibility rests on both sets of shoulders.

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One thing you can do to help you learn how to make your wife happy is to read certain books regarding the relationship between men and women. John Gray wrote Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and this is a great book because it shows the different ways men and women get their needs met. You may think you are fulfilling your wife's needs, but when you find out actually how those needs are met you could find a way of increasing that greatly by using a slightly different approach. When wondering how to make your wife happy it's as well to get all the help you can!

Even if your partner doesn't want to read the book, you read it anyway. Sometimes when a person applies the things they learn, it gets a better response from their wife. This is without the wife reading anything - it is just how human nature works. Because she is reacting to a different attitude from you, you will see different results.

By learning about how your wife's needs are met, you will learn how to approach her differently and this will help you learn how to make her happy.

If your marriage is in trouble, you both have the capability of making it better. Any work on improving relationships is good, and the sooner you start to try harder the easier marriage is to fix.

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Do you feel your marriage is in trouble? Do you find yourself wondering just where things went wrong? There are a million different things that can cause a marriage to become troubled ranging from infidelity to money problems to simply not being in love anymore and just about anything in between. Saving a troubled marriage is not easy and it does take work, however, most marriages can be saved and the reward is that you and your spouse can grow closer and have a more loving, fulfilling relationship as a result. Even if you are the only one who wants to save your troubled marriage you can do it alone once you know what you need to do. So, relax, take a deep breath and let's get started with some things you can do to get started on saving a troubled marriage.

1. Start by Trying to Figure out What the Problem is

During this step it is important to try to be impartial and not to assign blame. You need to take a look beyond the obvious problem which is that you or your spouse are not happy in your marriage and determine the underlying cause of that unhappiness. Did you or your spouse have an affair? Have you fallen out of love? Are you disillusioned with marriage and find that it is not what you expected? Do you have financial troubles that cause you to fight? You may find that you have just one major problem or you may find that you have many that you need to work through. Identifying what is really wrong in your marriage is the first step.

If possible, also get your spouse's input on this and see what they feel is wrong in your relationship. You may be surprised to find that what they believe is the problem is much different than what you believe the problem to be.

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2. Decide What You Want From Your Marriage

If you could have the perfect marriage, how would it be? What would you expect from your spouse? What could they expect from you? How would you two act around each other? Try to envision the way that you want your marriage to be because the first step in getting what you want is knowing what it is you are after in the first place. Again, if your spouse is working with you have them describe their perfect marriage to you as well to see if you are both on the same page. If not, then try to find a compromise somewhere in the middle that would be satisfying to both of you. Whether you are working alone or as a couple, write your end goal down somewhere special where you can often reference it.

3. Begin Acting Like Your Marriage is like You Want it

I know this part sounds a little strange, so I will explain why this works. Try a simple experiment. Try smiling the next time you start feeling angry and see if you can maintain the anger as well as if you were frowning or yelling. Our actions help to create our emotions. If you have fallen out of love with your partner, begin acting like you are in love with them and after a little while you will actually begin to feel those loving feelings again. If you and your partner pick at each other and fight all the time, try not fighting back but working to come to a compromise, or at least talking to your spouse in a reasonable and rational way instead of making biting comments or yelling.

This can be very difficult to do at first but the payoff will be great if you can stick with it. Here's what happens. When you start acting differently and being the person that you want to be in your marriage, it will begin to have a profound effect on how your partner acts and feels toward you. That is why even if your partner doesn't want to save your marriage, you can do it on your own simple by acting the way you want your marriage to be. I know that sounds too simple, but it honestly works.

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August is 'Romance Awareness Month' and during this month, we should all take time to try and create more love and romance in our relationships, whether these are for singles or married couples. Of course we should do this all the time but August is especially dedicated as the time for us to re-energize and revitalize our relationships.

As part of a "Romance Awareness Month" campaign, I recently conducted a "Romance Awareness Survey" to discover what women find to be most romantic. And the findings might surprise you.

When many people speak of 'Romance', certain phrases and words jump into someone's mind automatically. What does the word really mean, or simply put, what does one have to do to be considered romantic? As many men will tell you, being romantic toward their women is not as easy as it first looks. It takes real dedication from the man to win the heart of the woman he loves and be considered romantic by her. Women generally appreciate certain acts from their men such as giving flowers, chocolates, cards and so on. But is this what romance is all about or is there something beyond this?

So what's the number one thing women consider romantic? According to 72% of the women responding to the survey, its attention from her partner. For one woman, this was "being told by her husband she was irreplaceable." Imagine how beautiful it is to hear that from your partner?

Coming in a close second, listed by 54% of the women is "helpful gestures". These are the typically non-romantic chores such as "washing dishes", "helping around the house", and "getting the kids ready for bed". One married woman wrote her most romantic moment was her husband "letting me sleep in on weekday mornings, while making breakfast for the family & getting the kids ready. Then bringing a cappuccino to me in bed when it's time for me to wake up."

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Doesn't sound so romantic, does it? This may be what baffles men in understanding women: Men often seek the grand gesture, when perhaps it's not necessary.

I see this in my private practice as well: Men often get a bad rap for not being romantic. And actually that's just not true. Men are so eager to please their wives, and that's often the most important thing for them. However, they aren't sure just what it takes to make them happy, so they get frustrated and shut down.

Getting to know the person you are dating is the key to meeting their need for romantic expressions. Invest your time and find out what your woman's likes and dislikes are. You will later find out that this is one of the best-spent investments in your relationship. If your woman loves poetry and you are a pretty good writer, you can write her a poem letting her know how much she is on your mind and how much she means to you. (Even if you're not a good writer, she'll appreciate the gesture.) If your woman is a big fan of roses, then by all means get her a fresh bouquet. The point here is find out what it is that tickles the fancy of your woman, and then do your best to provide it. Avoid getting into the trap of thinking that because your last girlfriend was big on chocolates your current woman will love them too.

Always remember that the purpose of being romantic to your woman is to express to her that you love her. Taking time to know what she likes is definitely one of the best ways to do this. It is worth noting that women on the average are a lot more emotional than men. Men tend to be rather practical about their views on what constitutes a good gift for a woman. A man might be tempted to think that since her woman loves watching DVDs and does not have a DVD player, buying her one will be well appreciated. But many women will tell you this; buying her a DVD player for her birthday gift just doesn't cut it as a romantic gift! Many men have difficulty telling what gifts their women view as a practical and which ones they consider romantic. Buying her certain gifts, just because she happens to lack them, may only earn you a thank you while failing to really touch her heart.

The things that most women find romantic are the simple things that we sometimes take for granted. Some of these include:

* Giving her an unexpected kiss or hug or even a smile or compliment

* Calling her spontaneously just to tell her you love her and how much she means to you

* Holding her hand or putting your arm round her waist

* Leaving a hand-written greeting card or note after a date or night out

A little creativity on your side will reveal other things that you can do to show her she means the world to you. Another important point for the man to remember is that being genuine as well as being yourself are two very important ingredients of being romantic. When you make a genuine effort to find out what your woman loves best and try to give it to her, you will find that the romance part comes easy and does not have to be forced at all.

Perhaps the survey's most romantic finding was in the answers to "What's the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?" Women and men both shared truly beautiful stories of romance, ranging from planning dream trips for each other to the woman whose husband "bought her a motorcycle".

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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