Is Jealousy a Sign of Co-Dependency?

The other day I was reading this book called the Internal Journey of Us: Volume 1 By: Chazz Equanimity. In his book he has a chapter on jealousy and in it he said something that really helped to put my mind into perspective on this particular subject. In his chapter he writes, “Jealousy is a form of dependency. It exists as a survival mechanism in needy children. It is used in children to regain the attention of the person they depend on.” I don’t know about you, but that sure just opened up my eyes to a whole world that I was unaware of; being that jealousy is actually a sign of co-dependency. However, before we dive even further into that subject, let’s take a hard look at jealousy.

Jealousy actually stems from a place of insecurity. Even though most of us have something that we’re insecure about, most of us are just too afraid to admit it aloud out of fear of judgment or criticism. So, in order to seem like we have it all together, what we often do is try to cover up our insecurities by wearing a mask. It works well for a time being until the mask comes off and we’re exposed. Those very things that we were once fearful of people finding out is now out and open for everyone to see.

For example, let’s say you suffer with low self-esteem and you’re out at a party with your significant other and they get hit on while standing right in front of you. At that moment, you may start to feel an array of emotions. Your immediate reaction is anger, but shortly thereafter you begin to feel fearful; you may start to feel like you may lose your partner to this other person. Thus, you begin to act out of line, i.e. jealous, possibly start to exchange words with the person and from there it could possibly escalate to a physical altercation. The reason you do all of this is in order to regain the attention of your partner like Chazz says because you're dependent.

You see, when you show people you’re jealous, you’re ultimately letting them know that you’re dependent upon them to make you feel good about yourself. This dives back into the issue of properly understanding and knowing your self-worth. When you truly understand who you are and are able to fully love yourself (without measuring yourself against someone else’s standard or expectation of what you should be) then that’s when you will be free to be able to live a happy life. However, when you’re co-dependent upon someone else to make you feel good about yourself, you’re trapped on their every whim. This is very bad for the overall well-being of your mental and emotional health.

Thus, if you find yourself being an overly jealous person you need to really take a step back and think about why that is? From there you need to really work on those things that you're really insecure about as well as learning to love yourself for who you are and not depend upon someone else to do it for you. I know that this may cause you to take a step back from possibly having a relationship. But it's like the old saying goes, "Nobody can love someone who can't love themselves first." Well, like always, I would love to hear your thoughts about this particular topic. Hope this helps to enrich your life in some way. Be blessed.