Is There Something Amiss When There's Not Always Pre-Wedding Bliss?

You can feel the excitement in the air...the invitations have been sent out, the rings are sitting in their comfortable velvet boxes and the event has been arranged. All the bases seem to be covered.

So why do you feel so jittery? Why do so many discussions about the wedding turn into arguments? You’ve always imagined this to be a romantic, blissful time in your relationship – is something going wrong?

Fear not! You can breathe easy. Most couples experience conflict in the weeks (and even months!) building up to their nuptials. The pre-wedding stress coupled with the anticipation of a brand-new life ahead often leads to friction. And what’s more, in our human way, engaged couples often have unrealistic expectations of perfection and fairytale romance for their engagement period, which, when not always met, results in disappointment and blame.

Here are some tips on how to minimize, pre-wedding friction:

• Communicate openly and often– often a good open discussion will do the trick! Share with your partner frequently how you are feeling during this time and what your anxieties are for the wedding and/or change in your relationship.
• Listen to each other – each partner should take a turn to listen objectively to the other with no interruptions. One partner will be the ‘speaker’ and the other the ‘responder’. The speaker will talk about his/her feelings or issues and the responder should then repeat exactly what the speaker has said without adding in his/her own feelings or opinions. The roles can then be switched with the responder now being the ‘speaker’. The purpose of this is to show that there is a mutual understanding of the issue/feelings of each partner.
• Prioritize each other – remember the reason that you are at this exciting stage of your lives. You love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together! Keep this thought alive by spending quality time together just the two of you, by surprising each other with small romantic gifts, and by not allowing the inevitable wedding interference by other family members (think ‘ future mother-in-law’) to come between you.

Congratulations on this special time in your lives! Remember that as much as we all want this to be a time of perfect smooth sailing, there is bound to be the occasional hiccup.
If you do find that there is more conflict than contentment in the build-up to your wedding, a good solution is to receive your free relationship discovery call with Rachel Moheban,LCSW at Rachel@RachelMoheban.com and she will give you an action plan to help you move forward in having the relationship you desire..

There are virtual relationship help resources available, so that you can learn new relationship skills and developmental tools from the comfort of your own home. Rachel Moheban will be holding a fr*ee Relationship Help teleclass on Monday, April 19, 2010 at 2PM EST. The topic will be The 3 Secret Shortcuts to Bring You to your BEST Relationship in 2010.