Love is a Chemical Dance and a Four Letter Word

There are few four letter words that conjure up a mixture of fear and/or elation like the word Love. Many confuse lust, infatuation, and ‘a crush’ for love, so let me explain a little bit about all of these chemical reactions. As unromantic as it may sound, the chemistry of love is really just that, chemicals that flow through our body, causing us to act and react in certain ways.

In the dating stages (also a four letter word when used without the ing, D-A-T-E. Just a piece of trivia.), there is a potent rush of chemicals that surge through our body, many times causing a woman to become emotionally irrational and a man may become seemingly distant.

Some women have urgent thoughts like: “When will I see him again?” “Why didn’t he call?” “Does he like me?” “If he liked me he would call right away.” While some men play it cool trying not to seem overzealous. “She’s hot. I think I’ll ask her out again on Friday.” (And then they don’t call until Friday to ask you out!) Other men pine over past conversations and wonder if the woman liked them.

Once a relationship reaches the touchy feely stage and passion is part of the picture, our body begins to heat up and adrenaline starts to pump through our veins, causing flushing and heavier breathing. It also causes the release of endorphins, which can dominate our rational thought patterns. That’s not an excuse for not listening to the word ‘no’ or for lack of self-control.

Once we have entered into the ‘love’ stage, it’s another arena altogether. While the cocktail potion we had in our bodies prior to the ‘love’ stage is still there, it has calmed down quite a bit and our bodies don’t release as many chemicals thus becoming less lively. For women a sense of nesting may set in and for men the urgent need to conquer quiets down with their victory. The beginning of this stage varies from person to person, but the average onset is somewhere between six months to a year from the time we first begin to date someone.

Some people mistake this lack of heated excitement for falling out of love and others are so addicted to the initial chemicals, much like someone who has a substance addiction that when the “lovin’ feeling’ is gone, they move on as well.

These types of individuals may always yearn for the initial rush of excitement caused in the beginning phases of a relationship. When they don’t get it and believe love is gone (i.e. the chemicals are no longer rushing through their veins) they go through partner after partner in order to get that chemical cocktail into their blood again. Most don’t even realize they are addicted to the chemical potion and blame the “loss of love” on a ‘bad fit.’

However, true love is not a feeling, it’s a decision that anyone can make every single day. Love thinks things like: “Where were you? I was worried.” “What can I do to provide for your needs?” “What’s for dinner?” “Do I have any clean underwear?” and other ordinary thoughts.

In the same way that we love our close knit family members, even after a heated argument, we love our partners. We don’t wake up the next morning to greet our brother or sister after a heated argument and in the afternoon, when they are in need of some vital assistance walk away because we don’t have a feeling attached to their urgent need for help.

We decide to help them because we have forgiven whatever transgressions occurred and we chose to love them despite prior happenings. We get on with it so to speak. So too must those people “in love” get on with it and get over it. Resolve anger issues as quickly as possible so you can get on with the fun part of life. There are of course circumstances that are beyond getting over where protection must be sought. Don’t wait to get help for these types of issues.

If you happen to be an adrenalin junkie there is hope for you, but again it’s a decision you must make for a change. You can seek out professionals and groups that will teach you how to cope with the loss of the love drug in your system. Just so you don’t think hope is lost, you can get a rush from the chemicals even after being in a long term relationship; it’s just not a daily dose or the same quantities and is actually much more satisfying.nn*The dictionary defines passion and infatuation as: “A powerful emotion, such joy, hatred, or anger.” And “An object of extravagant, short-lived passion. nn*Love is defined as: “A strong positive emotion of regard and affection.” And “Any object of warm affection or devotion.”

Devotion is a wonderful characteristic of true love. Devoting your time, energy, and resources to better the life of the one you love. nn*Reference: Random House Pocket Dictionary.