Joy Beyond Trauma

It has been many years since my daughter's accident. Tanya had come a long way and I was very proud of her progress. Our family had weathered many torrential storms. But something was still drastically wrong. The real joy in my life was missing.

Before Tanya's accident, it was normal for me to sing or hum songs around the house. I grew up in a home where music surrounded us. It had always been a part of me. But after her accident, the music left me.

I read and memorized positive affirmations, listened to positive radio and CD's and read a lot of self-help books. Praying and meditation was second nature. I even learned to smile when I looked into the mirror and told myself I was a beautiful and wonderful person. This was not an easy process at first, but after while... I got the hang of it. All of this helped and nurtured me in new and different ways... but inside me the music and joy was nowhere to be found.

What was I doing wrong? I could not for the life of me figure it out. Negative thoughts kept surfacing and taking over my mind pushing out all the wonderful ideas. I learned to yell "STOP" in my mind. Stop telling me all this negative stuff. It worked for a while, sometimes months at a time but eventually I would allow myself to slowly drift back into my old habits of beating myself up all over again.

Then one day I picked up a book titled "Happiness Now" by Robert Holden, Ph.D. In it he talked about how he too read many self-help books, did meditation for up to five hours a day, memorizing affirmations, praying, and he still wasn't happy! Boy did that ever sound familiar!

After deep inner reflection, a new awareness came to Dr. Holden saying "no amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of Self-acceptance." That statement really struck me. He stated that it is our ego that puts all these negative judgments upon us and keeps us from experiencing our true spirit which holds our happiness and joy.

In the past, I was proud of myself for accepting my outside circumstances and finding solutions to make my life better. All of that is great but I realized that when I put myself down, I am really choking the spirit out of my own life.

Until I started writing this article, I had once again forgotten this most important lesson. My ego is so clever and still finds a way to ease back into my thoughts making all kinds of negative judgments when I least expect it. I must stay alert to my ego's sly ways. Then, I must take massive action. I have to remind me to Love and accept myself unconditionally just as I am. It is in this moment of complete love and acceptance that joy and music fills my life once again.

Within each of us is this incredible spirit which was put on this earth to do amazing and beautiful things. You cannot do this if you are always finding fault and putting yourself down. You are perfect just as you are right now, in this very moment. Love and accept yourself unconditionally and see how this can change your life today.