The recent split between Kim and Kris Humphries has been scrutinized to death and Kim has been heavily, and unfairly criticize. The break-up happened because Kim Kardashian came to her senses and realized he wasn’t the catch she thought he was. Why does everyone fault her for that?

Clearly, she wasn’t tricked into marriage, but she was living in fantasyland and ignoring, excusing, or reasoning Humphries for things that should have sent her packing soon after they met. You can fault her for that, but not if you understand that she didn’t realize she was forcing the square peg.

Kim wanted what many women want when they get married~she wanted it all, the perfect wedding (check), and the man who would genuinely love and accepted her for who she is, flaws and all (uh-un-check). Many of us saw disaster written all over him, but Kim didn’t even suspect it. There are plenty of women who are good at fantasizing, like Kim, and that quality makes their feminine side more obvious and even more appealing to some men, but it causes women to be reality-blind, at least for a while.

Fantasy keeps us turned on and desirable, but if we don’t realize that is how we make critical decisions in love, it will trap us in bad cycles every time. Kim has been duped before, having left several men after their relationships turned sour, and if we learn anything at all from the Kardashian dash, it would be that Kim is one of the women who act from fantasy initially, then realizes it later, and pays the price, wondering what happened and where things went wrong.

Acting from fantasy is not the same as acting from romanticism. Kim’s mother, Kris Jenner, kindly reached out to defend her daughter publicly on one of the morning shows not long after the announcement of the split from Humphries, saying “Kim is just very romantic,” but this is a false assumption that could lead Kim to accept what comes if she makes another bad choice in men. I know her heart was in the right place, but this is an opportunity to learn that there is a muddy and difficult to absorb distinction between the romance and fantasy that makes all the difference in the world for women who consistently and subconsciously operate in love this way.

Blaming poor relationship judgment on romance removes accountability and implies chemistry and energy overtake reason, logic and awareness, which could leave Kim defenseless and headed for another round of bad love. If we assume she has no control over the outcome in love because she acts from romance, she is toast. Kim has the dangerous combo package of being very alluring and highly vulnerable, and because she is also very soft-hearted and obvious about her ways, she will always, and automatically, attract opportunistic men in the mix~so she must learn how to see them by understanding how she heads into relationships~and believing she led with high romanticism is not what went wrong for Kim with Kris Humphries.

Kim was acting from fantasy, not romanticism, and from the little I’ve seen of her, she seems to have many other characteristics like this that are typical of women who attract destructive men, sometimes repeatedly. (A few examples of these traits include: being highly sentimental, highly empathetic, leading with compassion, putting others feelings before their own, being the buffer for other people’s pain, having high tolerance, repeatedly giving chances for the same issues, being highly hopeful, leading with fantasy, being highly competitive-not giving up easily, etc...).

Here is the distinction between Romance and Fantasy:

Romance is actual connectedness; it is what leads us to fantasize. It is a sense or realization that there is true potential for something more/something deeper.

When we operated from romance, it is effortless, and reciprocal; it is essentially chemistry in action without hesitation.

Romance is a consciousness of automatic energy, chemistry, attraction, desire, and love-goals combing.

Fantasy, by contrast, is a conscious or subconscious self-projection of your wants onto a given situation/person. It is make-believe; it comes from wishing and hopefulness.

It is un-real, and unrealistic. It is formed from our perceptions and expectations, and does not necessarily mean something has the potential to develop into more/something deeper. Fantasy is not based on proof that something is; it is based on the idea of what you want, and it is based on your perception of romance, so it can therefore be disconnected from reality and truth.

When functioning from fantasy, we project possibility and hopefulness into our beliefs about someone to get what we want, and in the process, we remove suspicion and dumb down or ignore reality and signals within us or from him that something is off, and choose to believe, instead, that something grander is occurring.

Kim Kardashian can only be faulted for something many of us do, men included. All of us at some point, have fantasized about something~maybe financial freedom, the perfect partner, the best house, the perfect job or boss~and if we were honest, we have even acted on that fantasy at times, in the hopes that it would turn out to be possible or true. Kim is no different, she got swept up in fantasy-land in front of all of us and many attacked, forgetting that we were just the fortunate ones to not have done it publicly; give her a break.

Author's Bio: 

Teagin Maddox is a media consultant and commentator, providing analysis and interpretation of high conflict/destructive relationship cases in the media. She is a Certified Professional Life and Relationship Coach delivering powerfully effective communication strategies to help women recognize, avoid, and recover from destructive and harmful relationships. She teaches dating safety, awareness, and life success programs for women of all ages. Learn more about her at www.TeaginMaddox.com and connect with her on facebook.