Know Your Partner's Dreams
Written by Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT
What are your partner’s secret desires?
If she could do or be anything that she wanted, what would it be?
If he could spend time on one new activity, what would that be?
Where would she most like to travel?
How does he envision retirement?
What are some things that your partner would want to do while still in good health?
What would your partner like to be doing differently … or more of, 5 years from now? 10 years from now? 25 years from now?
Couples that really know each others’ hopes and dreams feel more connected. They have fuller, richer and more varied love maps and a better understanding of their spouse’s inner lives.
Wives are generally good at supporting their husbands to live out their dreams. Men are also often good at being clear about what they want and need for career, recreational and social pursuits. While many men are respectful and mature in their commitment to home and family, they also recognize the importance of asking for and pursuing what is important to them.
Women are not as good at looking inward and focusing on themselves and what is important to them … especially if it may be at some expense for the family. Dreams may still be there; however, women often put the needs of the family above themselves. Interestingly, John Gottman, who did a lot of research on healthy relationships, found that husbands who listen, understand and help their wives to achieve their dreams have better and stronger marriages.
Talk tonight with your partner. Dream, wish and envision together. Find out how you can support each other in fulfilling your dreams as a couple and as individuals.
Article author
About the Author
Sally Connolly is a family and marriage therapist practicing in Louisville, Kentucky. She has taught coursework and conducted clinical supervision for The University of Louisville and The Louisville Seminary.
Sally and her husband, family therapist, John Turner, LCSW, LMFT have presented relationship workshops for couples and singles.
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