Knowing How to Listen Effectively

Communication plays a major role in any kind of relationship. However, it is one of the most misunderstood words in the English dictionary. Most people would automatically think of “communication” as talking, when actually it is not just that. It is a two-way street, where talking and listening are of equal importance. Some experts even say that a good listening skill may hold the key to a successful relationship, because it could make or break one. There are three essential ways of careful listening, which we will discuss one by one. The first type of listening is paraphrasing, or repeating something that someone has just told you, in your own words.

This is actually helpful in understanding what the other person has just stated on a deeper level. Especially during an argument, paraphrasing may help calm the other person and prevent the conversation from turning into a spiteful disagreement. A pause in a conversation can give one a chance to re-phrase what the other person has just said—this can make one’s partner feel that they have not just wasted their breath, and their words have fallen on kind, considerate and caring ears. By doing so, one’s partner becomes more confident to be completely honest in expressing their thoughts and feelings. Another type of listening skill is by asking an open question.

There are actually two types of question: the open and the closed one. A closed question is answerable by a simple “yes” or “no”, while an open question requires further explanation, and does not necessarily require a yes or no answer. In short, an open question requires a person to answer in depth, and allows further thought and conversation. Then there is feeling of reflection, which is a process of active listening wherein a person expresses an emotion that he/she has experienced in response to what another person has just said. For instance, if a colleague casually mentions that she needs a much-needed vacation to keep her sanity, you might respond by saying “You can say that again!” This is a keen manner of conveying your own feeling based on what she has just said.

Feeling reflections can be very tricky, because it requires one to listen intently not only to what is being said but also to be sensitive as to what specific emotion the other person is trying to express. This means that one has to pay close attention both to the speaker’s voice (and how it is being used) and to their body language as well. So how can a one develop a better listening skill? Listening actually involves 3 processes: hearing, understanding and analysis. It requires conscious effort, contrary to what a lot of people seem to believe. A person who has mastered the listening skill is very well aware of both the verbal and emotional information that is being communicated during the conversation.

It may even require one to know how to ‘read between the lines”, especially if the conversation is between a man and a woman. Take advantage of pauses between conversations—it is a moment when one can reflect on what the speaker has just said. Use it as an opportunity to ask any questions that might come up in your mind to make things crystal clear.