To get out of the matrix, you must let go of every untruth that you have been taught or that you assumed. How does one know the truth? Is it all in the Christian’s Bible? Christians would say yes, and that the Bible is all that you need to know. I have been all around and back again, in and out of differing religious beliefs, and at age 61, I feel I am much closer to the whole truth about religion than I ever have been before.

I am going to tell you something of my personal history, particularly as it relates to my religious beliefs and experiences, as a case in point...

In my very early years, I was raised as a Presbyterian and baptized by that group. Later in my childhood, both of my parents lost their faith, and I believe that then, so did I. In my teens, and on through my mid-twenties, I was an agnostic. I believed somehow that Jesus had existed and that the Bible wasn’t all false, and I believed in some basic moral values, and I believed in being kind and in helping others when one could; but I somehow just couldn’t believe fully in all that was in the Bible and Christian’s interpretations of the Bible. I questioned and doubted everything. And, during those years, I was more of a “scientist,” who could only believe in what I saw in the physical world, in what could be scientifically proven.

It was good that I was a skeptical, questioning, analytical person, rather than just believing in what others believed in and in what they taught me. On the other hand, it was not good that I only believed in what could be scientifically seen, observed and proven.

I was really off-base in the area of sexuality, and this led me into some dark involvements with men and boyfriend troubles, and it also led me too far astray from Christian basic sexual moral values. One of the reasons why I had strayed in this area was that my father had incested me repeatedly when I was a young child. Then my mother found out about it and blamed both me and my father, but I think she blamed me more than my father. This seriously traumatized me and up until about age 25, I felt very empty inside, very depressed, and I had no real help with this.

Then in 1975, I died for a little while on a hospital operating table. I had been in a very serious car accident, and for a little while, my kidneys had stopped working. I went through the lighted tunnel to the other side, and while there, a group of very lighted beings counseled me. They said that I had a choice, that I could stay there on the other side and pass, or I could choose to go back into my life and proceed slowly upward in my growth through various types of experiences. If I chose to live, they said it wouldn’t be easy, but they said if I could survive it and stick with it, that the ultimate rewards would be very great and that I would become a powerful spiritual leader.

Well, I chose to live, to go back to earth. I survived my ordeal in the hospital, and after six months I was ready to go back into life. I had gotten a big monetary settlement from the car accident and didn’t work for about five years before going back into the workforce.

Anyway, back to religion….after the car accident and the near-death experience, my life and my focus really drastically changed. I became intensely interested in psychic phenomena, which led me into new religious paths in the new age churches and metaphysical movements. I began seeing a new age religious science minister for counseling. This woman was a quasi-psychotherapist who hadn’t gotten a degree in it but who studied a lot on her own, and in many ways I found her to be very helpful. She had studied something called “reparenting,” a form of therapy where you become the client’s alternate parent (and because my mother had died when I was 9, and I was rather distant from my father who died during my counseling years with this woman…I easily gravitated to this “new mother figure.”)

I believe now that after the car accident, I was in a new life, even though by all appearances it was still the same life, it was a whole new life for me, and I believe that this woman was my new mother, so to speak, on this new path. Everything I became, believed in and thought in this “new life” was largely due to this woman’s tutelage and counseling. I will say that she helped me in some ways, but in other ways she sort of led me astray, as she was not totally all together herself. But she lifted me up to new higher levels of awareness and kept me alive and kicking despite all of my fears and challenges.

I eventually left this woman just to be out on my own and not so dependent on her. I stayed with the new age church where I had met her for a long time, maybe about 10 years. This church oddly combined certain elements of Catholicism, Christianity, Religious Science, and things like psychic readings and beliefs in reincarnation. I loved the minister there, but the people were very cliqueish and I left I guess because I got tired of not being able to connect with those people.

Then I became very involved with a religious science church, and then I eventually left that church and went with a new age church that taught channeling of ascended masters and how to develop a personal relationship with Jesus. That church was sort of a combination of religious science, yogi teachings and Christianity. I stayed there for about ten years, and then drifted into another place where a woman was teaching people how to connect to their higher self and stay in it, and I’d go to her classes and we’d practice this together as a group. I felt this was the next higher step. I was going through a lot of serious challenges and panic attacks at that time, and this woman and her classes really kept me going and I think saved my life. She didn’t call what she did any particular religion, but I later came to realize that she was teaching Buddhism, at least to a certain extent.

Then later on, I became involved with a church in another state where I led groups where I channeled ascended masters and gave psychic readings to the groups and privately to individuals. It was at this place that I went way off-track and got into a lot of trouble. It was too into the psychic realm, even though it tried to be spiritually more focused, and dark forces were everywhere on the premises trying to pull us all down. I finally left that place after ending up in a lot of financial trouble and fearing for my life as the dark forces there were intensely after me to stop my channeling of ascended masters.

After that, I went to do live-in elder care work for one woman who was quite insane and had Alzheimers. This was a very dark place where I was trying to stay hidden from the dark forces who were really out to kill me off, and so I was there for quite a long time trying to stay alive and working on staying sane while living with an insane person. I felt imprisoned at this place, but I really learned a lot and this is the place where I went into the beginning stages of ascension. I would go off at night in my room and channel ascended masters and do my mystical artwork, and that kept me going. I would also watch TBN/Christian television, and I was surprised at how much wisdom many of those ministers had and at how some of them seemed quite metaphysical while retaining their traditional Christian beliefs.

I became really immersed in TBN and relied on it heavily, with a few of my favorite ministers, to keep me going, optimistic, hopeful and leading me into deeper wisdom and understanding of the Christian religion.

This led me onto a more Christian path, and eventually I got out of the terrible place I was living in and ended up in another town where I was getting deeper and deeper into traditional Christianity. I ended up doing social work for an organization that was not entirely Christian and was operated by people from a variety of religions, although many were Christians because this social service organization had originally been created by a Christian church.

Then I became very involved with the Methodist church, and I became one of their pastoral counselors. But about a year later, I gradually began to drift away from traditional Christianity again. I had gotten into it because it had helped me so very much, mostly through TBN, and because there was a lot of truth in it. I had also gotten into it because of my bad experiences with that one new age church. However, I never really let go of my beliefs in reincarnation and the evolvement of the soul. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself it was true, I never quite believed that Jesus made a good decision to die on the cross and I just couldn’t quite go there in glorifying Jesus for that decision. I could see how his going through that and resurrecting helped the world, but I still felt something was “off” in Christianity’s interpretation of this event and this idea that Jesus died for our sins etc etc etc.

I feel now that I did get a lot out of the new age paths I had taken, and that I also got a lot out of the Christian paths I had taken, but that the real truth lies somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

It is very easy to just believe everything that’s in the Bible, accept traditional Christianity’s interpretations of the Bible, and stick with that. But it comes down to, how do we know anything? Do we know by scientific research and what can be seen and proven? Do we know from a book such as the Bible? Do we learn from teachers? How do we really know that a book or a teacher is right? It is very easy to think someone is right when we want to believe it for whatever reasons. But when you decide to believe in something because everyone else believes it, or because it’s in the Bible, or because you like the sound of it and it makes you feel good, then you are ignoring another kind of learning and knowing and seeing, and this is to your detriment. Christians mostly avoid anything about true seeing. They fear it because they want to believe they are right about Christianity. They avoid things like meditation, intuition, and knowing things that no one else seems to know or see. They want to live in a narrow view of things because that feels safe, not because on a sensing intuitive level it feels true. They live in their minds and not in their intuitive sensing feelings. But then this is most of the world…

We live in a world that is very patriarchal, scientific, logical, and focuses on the mind. It is world matrix that generally does not allow for a lot of emotion, intuition, meditation, or seeking knowledge and truth via inner knowing, meditation, intuiting and sensing. We were raised like that. We’ve been taught like that, in our schools, in our workplaces. There is a strong focus on intellectual studies and intellectual work. Then, in the Christian churches, there is a strong focus on reading and believing in the Bible and listening to ministers talk about the Bible and what we should be believing. There is no room for finding truth via what we feel, sense, intuit and know somehow beyond any books, teachers or scientific studies.

I used to know this real well, and I was immersed in new age religions for many many years. When I was still on that metaphysical path, gradually as time went by, my spiritual gifts and powers were increasing, my faith in God, my luck, my spiritual teaching abilities, my intuitive powers, my healing gifts, were all increasing by leaps and bounds. But then, when I went more into traditional Christianity, I found that my powers were greatly waning and my faith was decreasing in some ways although increasing in other ways. I was always struggling to try and get back up again. I’d fall down, get back up, fall down again. I’d remember how I used to be, full of faith and optimism, following my strong intuitions, with luck and blessings always, in spite of the trouble I got into. I saw the trouble as a result of my following a more metaphysical path; but in reality, the trouble I was in was intensified by my getting more and more into traditional Christianity, as well! I was helped by it, too, but it was pulling me away from the truth and power I had known in the metaphysical community. And the dark forces wanted me to fall, they knew that my traditional Christianity path would pull me down more out of my powers of sight and healing because they had put the Christians into a kind of unaware sleep. That’s not to say that Christians were not growing and being helped by their religion, for they were; but they were at the same time being pulled down by some of its untruths!

Why am I telling you all of this? Because my path has brought me to my current crossroads. I have now left traditional Christianity and am cycling back into the metaphysical realities again, but with a new wisdom. I am balancing out between two extremes. New age metaphysical can go to extremes, too, and gets you into a lot of false beliefs and wrong paths and pulls you too far from some really good and true Christian values. Christianity, on the other hand, pulls you too far away from your “inner knowing and ‘seeing’”. Traditional Christians are very afraid of anything that says you can see the truth intuitively and through meditation and things like shamanic or ascension practices. They want to believe in the Bible as it has been interpreted. They fear metaphysical seeing because they fear it pulls them to the dark forces and the occult. They are right that this can and does happen, frequently, but they have gone too far in the other direction and have suffered because of it.

So, my whole point herein is this: How do you know what is really true and right? Does someone tell it to you? Do you read it? That book or that teacher may be right, or half right, but how do you know for sure that they are right?

You have to find the truth within yourself, but this is very hard to do nowadays, and maybe it always has been very hard to do. If you don’t believe in intuition or believing in something on your own that’s outside of religions or outside of what everyone else believes, then you’ll never know the whole real truth about anything. You’ve been socialized, you’ve been religiously taught, you’ve tried to fit in, but it’s all just matrix, programming, false teachings. When you try to go beyond it, though, there’s false teachings there, too, and so you have to be able to be “clear” enough to “see” the real truth and to be able to read something and “see” what parts of it are true and what parts of it are false.

Shamans talk about “seeing.” New agers talk about “intuiting.” Yogis talk about meditating to “know.” But Christians just say read the Bible and believe in our interpretations of it and that’s all you need. They fear any kind of knowledge outside of their narrow beliefs they have created themselves. And even those Christians who actually have developed the ability to talk with Jesus regularly and can do this clearly without fakir interferences, they, too, hold onto some of their religious and socialization illusions because Jesus cannot tell them as they would not believe Him and they’d just think it wasn’t Jesus talking. I know of some very highly evolved traditional Christians who know a great great deal because they talk with Jesus; yet, they cannot go to the higher levels of ascension, even if they are in ascension, because they hold on so tightly to what they have been taught by ministers and churches.

I have told you some of my history because it’s a way I can explain to you how we search for truth, trying this path and that path, this church and that church. One would think that the church I went to that taught how to channel ascended masters would have been the best place closest to the truth; however, it was not, exactly, as its methods for keeping the dark forces out of the channelings and keeping out the fakir spirits pretending to be Jesus or whoever, were not working properly, and they didn’t see this. I have had to refine their methods on my own over a long period of time.

Yes, meditation works, too, but most people find it extremely difficult to meditate in this current world with all of its distractions and dark force attacks going on. It can be difficult to get past one’s emotions during traumatizing and emotional times, which everyone seems to be going through, and this is required to be able to meditate. Myself, whenever I start to meditate, instead of going into a meditative state and just being quiet, I automatically start getting messages from God and Jesus and other ascended masters, maybe because I don’t have to spend hours meditating anymore to get to that clear state where I know I’m in the Christ vibration and am getting clear channeled information.

Now, let’s go back to Christianity again for a moment. This whole thing about Jesus’ choosing to die and suffer on the cross and doing it to save the world’s souls, well, I always felt there was something amiss about this belief, and it is the basis and foundation of the whole Christian religion. But I am at a point now where I just can’t buy into it. I believe that before Jesus had resurrected that he was a highly evolved soul with many spiritual powers, but that he was also here on earth to grow and to learn something and that he was not perfect and pure like everyone wants to believe. I believe that he made a mistake in choosing to go to the cross. I believe that he thought that God would protect him against any pain or suffering he might have experienced on the cross and that he believed he would do some sort of miracle while he was on the cross and that this would awaken the masses to his powers and what he was trying to teach. I believe that at that time, Jesus really believed he was either the son of God or God incarnate, and yet this was not the case. But because he had such special spiritual powers that no one had ever before seen, people believed that he was the son of God and God himself incarnate, as he said he was. After Jesus resurrected, that was when he was pure and totally powerful. When he was on the cross, he said, “God, why hast thou deserted me?” if you ask a Christian why did he say that, they would not have any really good answer for you. But it has become clear to me that he said that because he didn’t expect God to let him suffer like that. He expected something else. If he was so powerful and God incarnate, then why would he have made that mistake, or the mistake of dying on the cross?

It is true that because he died on the cross and resurrected that many people of the world have come to believe in God and the good things that Jesus taught. But that doesn’t mean that Jesus made the right decision to go to the cross. Because he did that, many Christians believe that they have to suffer also on earth for the cause of Christianity and that trouble and suffering are to be expected and that if they are persecuted and put in jail and even killed for their Christian faith that God applauds them for this. But I don’t believe in this and I don’t believe that God wants us to suffer. He wants us to grow and wake up, but he wouldn’t be telling Jesus to go suffer like that on a cross just to wake people up. He wouldn’t. Pain does cause people to grow, though, but to choose to be persecuted to help the world, well, no, I just can’t believe in that and never quite could believe in it.

When Christians take communion, they are ingesting the energy and beliefs that Jesus had when he chose to go to the cross and suffer, and so they are perpetuating that false choice amongst all Christians who take that communion. Of course, communion has a positive side to it, also, as they are ingesting Jesus’ past and current wisdom and powers, but they get darkened by this belief that it was God’s guidance for Jesus to go to the cross and suffer. In taking communion, they are actually attracting suffering to themselves because they believe it is a noble act to be persecuted to further God’s goals for the world. I don’t believe in that.

So, you might say, well, how do I know any of these things that I say that I know, that are not in line with traditional religious thinking? Did I just decide this, did someone tell me this, did I read it in a book? Well, I remember past lives, and I always have. I know how to “see.” I didn’t just suddenly come here with such abilities to “see.” It’s taken me many many years to know, to see, clearly. But how do I really know how Jesus was before and during the crucifixion, how he felt, and that he made mistakes? Because I was there with Jesus, I knew Jesus, I knew how he thought and felt, I knew why he did what he did, I knew him before and after his resurrection. But after that life, I was very shook up by what had happened to Jesus on the cross, and I blocked it out of my soul’s memory for many lifetimes. I wanted to believe the Christians’ interpretations of it, and so I did and I was a Catholic through many lifetimes, as I didn’t want to believe that Jesus wasn’t perfect before the resurrection and that he could have made such a grave mistake in going to the cross.

So, then, were/are the Jews right, that Jesus was not the Messiah after all? I do believe that Jesus was the Messiah, but that he does not fulfill that mission until he returns in the last days spoken of in Revelations. I believe there will come a time, as the Christians say, that Jesus will return and lighten up the world. He will show the Christians how they were wrong and misinterpreted some things and he will show the nonChristians the real truth about things. However, I cannot say I am entirely positive about this, as this is just how I tend to see things right now. But I do know that Jesus is very active and working on and with many Christians on the planet at this time, healing their bodies, counseling them, sending them love, talking with them, and I feel like this indicates that Jesus is leading the world into its ultimate ascension and into a Heaven On Earth. But the world is so very dark at this time and the Christians are asleep in certain ways, and so at some point this all has to be turned around. Today, I just had this thought come to me, “Just relax about all of this and trust that God and Jesus know what they are doing and that they will turn it all around however and whenever they do it and that they have their good reasons for allowing the darkness to continue on until then.”

Jesus often tells me that there is a lot of growth going on in people because of all of this darkness and because of all this pain and suffering. Pain creates a desire to heal it and find out what really caused it. Doctors don’t heal you. God and the real truth heals you. But without pain, no one would be seeking truth and healing and therefore there would be no growth. This is why God allows our pain to exist and to continue sometimes, as it leads us to growth and truth and healing from the inside out. If we didn’t have any pain to heal (emotional or physical), then we probably wouldn’t be looking for a “cure” because we’d think everything was all right. This is the benefit of having emotions and experiencing physical pains. It tells us that something is wrong, that we are in some sort of illusion about something and we’d better find out the truth that clears those emotions and those pains.

But back to Christianity….Don’t get me wrong…. I love the Christians and Christianity. There’s a lot of truth, love and compassion there. Christianity has healed many souls and kept the world from dying out and being in total darkness and pain and Hell. But the real deeper truths of the “real” Christianity are what takes us to the next higher levels and into a world ascended.

There are historical documents, books of the Bible, that were discovered, properly dated, and proven to be accurate, yet people do not want to believe in them so they don’t; but things like the Essene Gospel of Peace tell truths that most Christians haven’t heard of and wouldn’t believe in, thus discounting their interpretations of the standard Bible texts. The Essene Gospel of Peace shows Jesus recommending that humans not eat any meat and just be vegans. There are books of the Bible that were later found that contain teachings from Mary Magdalene and others, which, if people could accept these books as the truth, would turn around some of their wrong assumptions from the standard Bible. People are afraid to hear the real truth, maybe because the shock of being so wrong is too traumatizing to them and they want to stay asleep rather than experience the trauma and extreme panic they think they’d feel if they accepted the real truth.


Author's Bio: 

Zarla Leah is a minister, artist,and social worker. Her ministry at this time is primarily writing. She writes about ascension levels and attaining total enlightment, and about world healing. She is currently going through a transitional phase herself and shares with her readers her progress and insights on this ascension path.