Lets Make It Easy For the Bully

Bullies are lazy and don’t want to think. They want to press a few buttons, have a quick game and obtain instant gratification. The average school bully isn’t very creative or intelligent, and lacks verbal skills. She may tease a child about being fat, stupid or gay; the words belong to an average of just four to six different categories. Something the target does make it easy for the bully to instantly identify her sensitivities. Then the bully uses whatever works to obtain the desired reaction. She wants the target to feel bad, and others to recognize her power. Once thwarted, bullies give up and look for someone else who is vulnerable.
Bullies prefer isolated targets

Bullies like picking on children who don’t belong to a close, social group. Deep down, they are terrified of being excluded by the tribe, so children who don’t belong to a group symbolize their own fears. Many targets are socially quieter, have social difficulties, are more isolated and lack a support network. Their peers can’t protect them because they don’t have a close connection with them, they don’t know how to help, or they fear retaliation. A lone best friend is insufficient to stop the average bully. When the target has a bunch of good friends, the bully has to confront her support group and tends to give up.

Like the cheering crowd at the theatre or the football, most bullying is conducted in front of peers, onlookers or bystanders. Some bullies are popular and have strong leadership skills. They are supported by their friends and can manipulate a crowd. If the peer group cackles, condones, colludes or collaborates, the bullying escalates. The group allows the bully to manipulate them to build her social power. Bystanders, peers and witnesses can support the bully and deny the bullying to a teacher. But if the peer group challenges the bully and condemns that behavior, the bullying diminishes. The bully has to change her behavior to maintain membership of the group. Schools, in turn, need to train bystanders to intervene fairly and responsibly. Students should request and expect assistance from their friends, or move on and make better friends.
Non-bullying interaction

• Family and friends banter all the time and label it ‘fooling around’ or ‘chit-chat’. Children regard banter as being friendly, having fun and a group activity, just like rough play between lion cubs. Although bantering can hurt, children need to identify the difference between social bantering, rough play and nasty bullying.
• One incident of violence is not necessarily bullying.
• Children need to be flexible and socialize with a variety of playmates or friends and respect their rights to socialize with others. Although friendship groups change constantly, children should not be ejected or rejected.
• Children shouldn’t be handcuffed to one friend; they shouldn’t resent a friend who plays with other friends.
• Children should not ignore another child who has invited them to play, as that child may feel hurt and retaliate by bullying.
• When a friendship ends following an argument, children should move on instead of retaliating or prolonging the connection by bullying.

By: Francis David