LIving the Little Victories

Imagine, if you will, a moment in your life when you were very pleased with something. It may not have been anything of monumental degree, but you were proud, pleased, and happy about the outcome. Now, continue your imaginary journey. Think about this point in time and about that person in your life who did not share your enthusiasm for your victory. This is that person that, no matter what you do, does not acknowledge any part of your hard work or your joy. We all have someone like that in our lives at some time or another. Now, picture that moment when your victory was torn into rags. How did you feel? No doubt, it was almost like having the very life sucked out of you. If you could take that moment and remove the “emotional leech” from it, how might that change your perceptions of yourself?

Many, who may be reading this, have had such moments and individuals in their lives. Some of you still do. All too often, our self-esteem issues can be linked to these moments. If you are plagued long enough by this kind of hirudinean, you may begin to adopt their behavior inside of yourself. In other words, if you are beaten down enough times, eventually you may start to do it yourself rather than bother to go through the entire process over and over again. When this happens, even our joys become sorrows; our victories hollow. We lose our ability to celebrate the good things in our lives.

Our card for this article is the Six of Wands. We see a first-person depiction of the hero’s welcome. Confetti falls from the sky as we walk beneath the raised wands. One fact holds true, if we wait for the rest of the world to pat us on the back, we may go to our grave before receiving the recognition that we deserve. I was raised to practice humility; not to brag about my own strengths and accomplishments. It is always better for someone else to blow your horn then for you to do it. Do you recall similar wisdom? Sadly, our modern world is not conducive to such gallant behavior. People seem in competition with each other to be the best at everything. The self-doubts and insecurities cause many to tear apart the accomplishments of others in order to lessen others’ victories. This is often in hopes that their own accomplishments might seem bigger. I cannot blame most. Many have been raised by a generation that cast aside an older version of mores, thinking that anything old is not good. We find ourselves engulfed in a society of one-up-man-ship. Rather than give credit where credit is due, many stir up some kind of black cloud to cover such accomplishments and then attempt to direct the sunlight toward their own works. This all feels so much like sibling rivalry. Mom or Dad is paying attention to the other child, so we have to do something even more interesting to regain their lost attention back to ourselves. Perhaps this is a byproduct of such home lives. Even some parents are seen to be jealous of their children’s achievements and seek to redirect the light onto themselves. Is it any wonder that one of the major issues people face today is self-esteem issues?

Our Six of Wands may be a reminder to celebrate our own victories, no matter how small they may seem. By allowing ourselves to walk under those raised wands and enjoy the feeling of the confetti falling onto our faces, perhaps we might regain that joy of accomplishment. Our first point of order should be to somehow distance ourselves from those individuals who would steal our joy. One of the hardest things to do is to close off these people. They tend to be the ones who will keep knocking if we fail to answer them. Yet, if we are to heal and to regain even a minute amount of our inner strength, we first have to be rid of these kinds of parasites. That word might seem a bit harsh, but if you think about it, a parasite is a being who attaches itself to a host. It will then literally, suck the life out of the person upon whom it rides. This leaves the host weak and, if afflicted long enough, eventually dead. Just because our parasites are not physically attached to us, does not mean that their affect is any less deadly. Our spirits are filled with life and light. Some people may not have much of their own, due to many situations. Regardless, the reasons do not make them any less draining to us. If we wish to regain any of our strength, we must first find a way to remove the parasite. We may need to limit their access to us for a time, just to ease into this new lifestyle. However we go about doing this, you will one day understand that it had to be done.

Once you have managed to regain some of your strength via the amputation of your own “spirit sucker” then you can take steps to recover the self you have so long missed. Look at the Six of Wands and picture yourself in the card. What have you done lately that was good? It could be something as simple as balancing a checkbook. While it seems silly at first, it may require you to find such little victories in order to rebuild that part of yourself that has been broken down for so long. So, start small and choose something simple. Maybe you made it through a day without losing your temper or managed not to gossip with the work back biter. Whatever it is, celebrate it. Give yourself that pat on the back. While riding home from work in the car, cheer for yourself. Yes, I know this all sounds so hokey. I dare you to try it. If you persevere with this long enough, I would bet that you will start to feel differently. Not everyone needs to be a Pulitzer Prize winner to be worthy of praise and celebration. All you need to do is something that makes you a better you. If you have been depressed and taken to ignoring your appearance, do something to make yourself look better. Celebrate that effort. If you have been too tired to play with your kids after work, make a promise to yourself to spend at least one evening with them, doing kid stuff. Celebrate your ability to keep your promise. Perhaps you tend to buy things to fill some gap in your life and your credit is in danger; next time you are tempted, rather than spending the money on something you do not need, consider a smaller token, like picking a flower by the side of the road. Then, celebrate the fact that you were able to find joy in something that did not cost you money.

There are a myriad of things that you can do in any given day that you can reward yourself for doing. Be proud of yourself when you accomplish the smallest of things. Consider yourself a child if need be. For many of us, we did not receive the kind of attention we needed as children, so why not start now by doing it for ourselves? It really can be this simple. You need only start with one small thing. Kindness is addictive. Many people have plenty of defense mechanisms in place against cruelty. Few of us have defenses against kindness. Be kind to yourself and pay attention to how you feel. It will begin to be something that you long for and cannot do without. One thing that psychologists seem to tout is that positive reinforcement works better then negative. In other words, we are more likely to respond in a healthy manner to something good then in reaction to having our hands slapped. Who would you most like to work for; someone who only tells you when you have messed up something, or the person who praises you for work well done? How you treat yourself is no different.

Our Six of Wands comes to us at a time when we may need to return to some positive reinforcement in our own lives. We may be falling back into old habits of self-deprecation and negativity. Sometimes the strongest motivation is something positive. Let the Six of Wands remind you to be kind to yourself. Let us learn to live the little victories. Once we master those, perhaps we will be ready for something bigger. Even if our path does not lead us to fame and fortune, we will have lived a life of joy and victory, just by making each small thing something of which to be proud.