Look Before You Leap

Some Singles are happy to be Single and aren't looking, while some are looking to meet the One that makes them a Two. If this is you, and you’re dating, don’t forget to broach certain topics before it gets serious and you're walking down the aisle. I’ve had more than a few clients admit that they wish they'd asked certain questions of their mate before they got married. “Well what questions did you ask?” I’d say. They’d respond, “Oh, not many, we were so in love!” “I didn’t think of it.” Or, “We were in the moment!”

While that’s very romantic, we must be clear that you will be (ostensibly) with the person you're marrying for the rest of your life. So please note: "Love is not enough. That's the easy part." (My mom's quote.) She's right of course. Love is not enough to keep a marriage together. Actually....patience, understanding, respect, kindness, humility, healthy communication (there's more!) in the midst of stressful moments - these will keep a marriage together, amongst other components. In addition, it is wise to have some questions answered before taking the plunge. I don’t recommend bringing them up as bullet points during one specific date, but if any of these matters below resonate with you, then… you're welcome.

Know the family - at least know the ones that they'll want to visit.

Money - Are they a big spender that will take you down the broke road or level-headed with finances?

Do you share the same political affiliation? Do you care?

Do you share the same religious/ spiritual beliefs? Do you care?

Do you want children? If so how many?

How do you want to raise and rear your children?

Do you want a partner who you see all the time, like best friends or would you rather have individual lives and hang out only sometimes?

Where do you want to end up living? Even if you meet your mate in LA they may want to raise kids in Indiana. Are you interested in living in a different location?

What are your pet peeves? Do you need to be with a neat person, a non-smoker? Are you obsessive compulsive about certain things that you need in your life? Be mindful of your deal breakers. Be honest with yourself.

All of my Good Love clients write what I call a “D2 List” - it’s a list of their Deal breakers and Desires. Desires are the list of things you can live without, but you'd much rather have; and Deal breakers are just that - what you know you cannot live without.

Have fun dating, but don’t get carried away from yourself, so much so that you forget what actually makes you happy.

Take care of yourselves and each other.